Sometimes Beginning of the End is the Beginning
by nin-anna
Summary: Struck by the sudden news of his decade long unrequited love and best friend Midorima Shintarou getting married, Takao Kazunari decides that it is time to move on. While sometimes beginning of the end is the beginning itself, beginnings are always difficult as Midorima himself relearns.
1. Chapter 1

Despite the elegance of the haute cuisine French restaurant, or the perfect location of the table, near a very large window with a beautiful view of the city from above, Takao Kazunari could not silence the worries and anxiety that had taken over his soul. Midorima looked as he always looked: calm and collected. The event that led to this the situation, of them dining in a luxurious French restaurant, only further nerved Takao: Midorima had telephoned and asked him for dinner. This dinner.

Midorima asked for dinners by himself only when he wanted to break an important news. His admission to the Medical School. His decision to move out on his own to a house closer to his university. His successful passing of National Medical Licensing Board Examination. His decision to start his residency at a nearby hospital's cardiothoracic surgery department. Only important events that could have lifelong impacts. Only to inform Takao of those, as though he had to inform Takao, in such a formal manner too, Midorima would telephone him, ask for a dinner and the dinner would always take place in the most beautiful and famous restaurants of the vibrating capital. Why did Midorima do this? Takao liked to think that it was because he was the sole closest friend of Midorima. Sure, he knew many others, had many colleagues, but even his old team mates from Teikou whom they still occasionally or frequently met, depending on the person, were nowhere near to what Takao occupied in Midorima's life. Takao was the only one who could endure Midorima every day and Midorima, despite his grandiose ego and boundless vanity, respected and depended on Takao more than anybody else. "A symbiotic relationship" Akashi had once called what they had, after a night out drinking during which even Akashi had gotten a little tipsy. "More like _heterosexual life partners_!" Aomine had mocked with a knowing smirk. The rest, Takao could not remember well, he was very drunk that night.

What was Midorima going to announce? What important milestone had been reached in Midorima's life that it required this now traditional gathering? Possibilities ran across Takao's mind and a particular one stuck out so much yet it was also the one he wished for it not to be the most. Despite the charming smell and brilliant atmosphere, he could not focus and he felt a little dizzy. One would never know it looking at his face though, as he made small talk with Midorima and giggled now and then, teasing Midorima like always, like he has done for years now, to the point that Midorima would utter nasty comments that anybody else would be hurt but Takao was not for he knew how Midorima worked and what tenderness laid beyond the rocky shores of his vocabulary. Based on past experience, Takao also knew that regardless of how much he worried about the possible news, he would hear it, he would hear it surely and he would hear it exactly after they finished their meal and started eating their desserts. Because that is how Midorima announced his news: while eating dessert. And Takao could try to postpone it as much as he could, try to eat his meal as slowly as possible, but inevitably that moment would come. They would finish their meal and the ordered desserts would be laid out on the table and Midorima would utter the exact same words he did every time in these awkward and, honestly, completely unnecessarily ceremonious meetings; he would say: "_Takao, I have some news to tell you._" And that time came, Midorima looked at the dessert in front of him and before he took the dessert spoon in his hand, he said it.

"Takao, I have some news to tell you."

Every time Takao heard this in the last three years or so, he would feel his heart constrict and his chest hurt, for there was always a specific piece of potential news that scared him the most and that particular potential news was even more likely this year so his heart constricted even more than any previous years and his chest ached so much... he smiled like always, like every day he did, and he asked a sweetly curious voice:

"What's up Shin-chan?"

"I am planing to propose to Azumi. I will talk with her next week, I would like to be engaged to her. We have been going out for a year now and I believe it is the right time to reassure her and also take our relationship to the next level. I still have 3 years of residency I have to complete before I can take the specialist examination. But I think we could marry next year, since I already have a stable income working at the hospital."

Like always, Midorima was not asking for Takao's opinion. This was not a friendly meeting to discuss what to do about life challenges or important decisions. Midorima was simply informing Takao of the decision he made, like always. Like always, Midorima lived alone, existed alone, independent and isolated from all, and after so many years' hard work all Takao could achieve was to become the first person who would hear of these decisions. Oh, and also hear them in a nice ambience. That is all. He had not become the person Midorima could or would discuss these things in advance but then could there ever be a person as such, given Midorima's personality?

How do you feel or rather how should you feel when you hear the news you have always had nightmares about? How do you handle a particular event that you knew would eventually happen, that you tried to imagine countless times but always cowardly stopped thinking about it before finding or deciding on a proper way to handle it? How do you deal with the shock? How should you deal with it? What is the one thing that is most important about such a moment: is it the realisation of these long held fears? Or is it the shock it induces? Or is it the pain that is very intrinsic to that fear that you overflow you the most?

Do not think that because Takao thought all of this, asked all those questions deep in his soul, and cursed his luck and the fate and the gods that he spared any time frowning or in silence; no, right after Midorima had finished talking, while his mind was busy processing the information and complaining and complaining and complaining about it and his heart was constricting so hard now that it felt as though his chest was being crushed under the debris of a building or something, he exclaimed, with a cheerful voice oh like always,

"Wow! That's amazing news Shin-chan! Congratulations. I am sure she will accept!"

Why?

Why did he have to play the supportive best friend? Why didn't he flip the table and slap Midorima so hard that his glasses would shatter? Why didn't he yell and curse the man in front of him for his immense obliviousness? Why did he have to smile and congratulate the man he loved for many many years about the news of him proposing to his girlfriend? There were a thousand insignificant and significant reasons why and he knew them, he knew them well, but he could not, for the love of God, remember any at that moment... As the shock he had masterfully veiled faded away, frustration grew in his stomach, despair filled him up so fast and so much that he felt any carelessness would cause him to spill it all over Midorima. Any silence could agitate the restlessness inside him further, so he chose to quickly continue after sipping a little bit of water, making silly small talk about the matter, running around it rather than to delve in its contents for real, he thought, would be less painful,

"But you know you should have popped the question during Saint Valentine's day. It was just yesterday. Why wait another week? It would be so romantic too..."

"The horoscope for Pisces was not very favourable last week. But it will be very favourable next week, especially for romance. I was planning to ask for her hand in marriage for a quite few weeks now actually, I was just waiting for the stars to align."

How many times Takao had heard similar statements from Midorima's mouth? It was so numerous that one could simply say "countless times". So why?

Why right now, right at this moment, the statement bothered him to no end? Why the ease Midorima had uttered those words with bothered Takao so deeply? Why the memories of the last few weeks flashed in his mind? The time they had gone to the cinema, the time they had gone to that little old Cantonese restaurant in Yokohama Chinatown, the time they had played streetball, the time they played shogi... All those times, all through the last few weeks, Midorima was thinking of when and how to ask his girlfriend to marry him and Takao did not know. As he enjoyed each minute of those outings, as he savoured every moment he spent with Midorima, as he tried to reassure himself that Midorima must feel strongly for him for them to spend so much time together and alone... he had no idea that the man near him had this question in his mind. This... this bothered Takao so much and perhaps the calmness of Midorima who was by now eating his delicious crème brûlée silently, as though he had just not informed his friend of perhaps one of the singlemost important decisions of his life, irritated him so much that the despair, the frustration he so carefully hid, so carefully controlled spilled out instantly and sharply.

"You are crazy."

"Huh?"

"You are crazy. A year ago, you decided dating because you felt 26 was 't_he proper age to find a suitable partner_'. And the only reason, you decided that your girlfriend would be her was because she was a Pisces with a respectable job, a good family background, and a similar faith in the fate and the stars. That was all. Just that. That she was '_compatible_' was enough for you; you did not feel the need to love her. You did not feel the need to empathise or sympathise. You still do not. And now, you want to propose to her because you have been dating for a year and you feel that you have to marry when you are about 28. That is all. Is that not? It is not about love. It is not about whether or not you want to share your life with another person. And you even carefully choose the date of your proposal, not paying attention what would or could make her happiest but what would be the most compatible and proper date for you. This is all crazy. You are crazy."

Midorima was utterly shocked. Takao would tease him about his peculiarities that others found bizarre or strange but rarely, very rarely, he would get angry and use a furious and frustrated tone like he did now. And those rare, very rare incidents would often involve children or elderly, the two group of people that Takao was especially fond of and careful that Midorima did not act wicked towards. Not that Midorima thought he ever acted 'wicked' but it was true that he could not handle societal norms at times, despite the great importance he put to some of those norms, and he was especially bad in handling children and elderly... so he did not particularly mind Takao getting mad at him at those instances. However now, he could not think of any reason Takao would lash at him so harshly, especially after Takao himself had welcomed the news of his marriage so warmly earlier. Midorima was confused, so confused that his spoon was still up in the air, he had stopped in the middle of devouring his dessert.

Takao grabbed the glass of water in front of him and started drinking it slowly and tensely; he had to find a way of rectifying the situation by the time he would finish the water in his glass – this was what he had in mind. The moment the last syllable of his tirade was pronounced, he knew, he knew that he made a mistake. The confused and shocked face of Midorima exposed this already known fact so brightly that he could not bear how he had made such a stupid mistake. How could he let his frustrations out so quickly and bare naked? Such stupidity, he could not believe he had done it. He had to find an excuse. But what could he say? What would be the best excuse?

"Takao, are you ill?"

"Huh?" he almost choked on his water, he was savouring the last drops hoping some excuse would be revealed to his heart by angels but perhaps his angel was the glasses wearing greenhead in front of him,

"I do not think I did a faux pas. I understand that I am strict about timing and how it relates to fate and the signs, but you already know this well and it is not something that you would 'angrily' call me 'crazy' for. So the only reason I can think of for your outburst is illness. Are you ill?"

Midorima was so serious, so honestly concerned – though most others would really not read concern from his face, Takao could read the micro expressions on this face so well by now that he knew Midorima was concerned – that Takao decided he deserved some payback. He deserved some concern and affection. Especially that night. Especially after the bomb Midorima dropped. Especially considering the fact that God forbid, but this could actually be the last time he is afforded such concern and affection. So he sighed dramatically and talked with a weak voice, almost mumbling,

"My head is so heavy and hurting... it feels as though it is being pressed on all sides. I feel nauseous too, even though the food was delicious and the dessert is delightful. The smell... it is pretty but too much for me for some reason."

"Is it your migraine perhaps?"

"I think so Shin-chan... I am sorry for losing my temper like that. You did not say anything wrong. I am just so tired... I couldn't sleep a wink last night either."

"But why didn't you tell me before? We could reschedule."

"But you choose your dates carefully right? And you invited me out. You invite me out to dinner only when you have very important news."

Midorima was silent for a second, there was a slight tinge of regret and tenderness in his voice when he started talking again,

"I will ask for the bill. If you prefer, you can wait in the car, the lighting here is too bright, it will hurt your eyes when you are suffering from migraine... Do you have any pain killers with you?"

"No" pouted Takao a little, he was too old to pout perhaps but he did it anyway, it was his personality after all to be a little dramatic and Midorima did not mind these gestures much, after getting used to them over the years.

"Okay, we will stop by a pharmacy and get you some sumatriptan. You had said it helped you the last time you had tried it, right?"

"The tiny white pills?"

"Yes."

"Uh yeah they had helped then... I am going to the car Shin-chan."

"Okay. I will be there in a minute."

It was childish. It was stupid. To play sick? How old was he? An eight year old trying to skip school? What was next, fake coughing? Takao was filled with internal rage and conflict as he walked to the car. Just how stupider could he get? What was he trying to pull? Why was he acting like this? Why did he adore the calm, still, serious, and perfectly sterile way Midorima reacted to his illness? Anybody else would think that he was simply giving out directives but why did they sound so caring and tender to Takao? Was he delusional or was he a psychic? After he entered the car, now sitting on the passenger seat near the driver's, he dejectedly leaned his face onto the glass of the window. Why did he love this stoic man? Why did he bother with this ultimately hopeless love for so many years? The driver's door opened and Midorima came in but Takao did not bother looking; was he ashamed of the childish play he was pulling or was he simply too frustrated and tired of Midorima? He did not know. He was not sure. Then he felt something on his lap. When he turned his gaze on it, he realised that it was a nicely wrapped box from the restaurant.

"Um... Shin-chan, what is this?"

Midorima replied as he plugged in his seat belt and started the engine,

"Your dessert. You couldn't eat it, because of your migraine right?"

"Uh... I see."

"I asked them to add an extra portion as well. Sugar is good for you. You don't eat enough. But you should not eat it now, wait till your migraine attack is over."

"Okay" mumbled Takao as he gripped the little box in his hands tightly. He leaned his face back on the window again and closed his eyes. As they drove, he listened to the silent but perfectly in tempo breathing of Midorima and thought that he had to get over this. He had to stop this. That this was stupid. Then Midorima silently said,

"Takao, don't sleep like that, window is cold..."

"We will soon be at the pharmacy and you will have to drink your medication too."

"If you sleep and wake up, you won't be able to sleep again. Takao?"

"Takao?"

Takao was not awake but did not answer any of the questions; he was already playing sick, so what if he played asleep as well? It was pathetic enough as it is, nothing could make it more pathetic...

"Jeez... what will I do with you..."

Midorima mumbled, and perhaps he was delusional, or perhaps he was really a psychic but Takao felt that Midorima's voice had softened, was gentler. And Takao thought,

"What will I do with you... Shin-chan."


	2. Chapter 2

_In my headcanon after they become close friends Takao calls Kise "Ki-chan", borrowing the sweet nickname from Momoi and Kise in return calls him "Taka-chan" which is both cute and cool. Oh and Kise is such a prankster and loves to tease Aomine and gangs up with Takao on Aomine a lot._

* * *

Kise was laughing uncontrollably.

"Don't laugh Ki-chan... I am telling you, it was really irritating. When I woke up the next morning he had cleaned up everything. He had washed the dishes, tidied the living room and kitchen, and even wiped clean the bathroom. And then he gave me a half an hour lecture about how my messy life style and living conditions were probably affecting my well-being and triggering my migraine. He asked me to prepare a list of activities I did the day before that could have triggered my migraine specifically. I have to return the list to him by this Friday."

"I don't know what to laugh more... You faking illness or him insisting on staying over and looking after and then cleaning your house. You two are crazy."

"I am not crazy just pathetic and desperate... he is the crazy one." Takao said dejectedly and gulped down his glass empty, then pointed his empty glass to Kise so that he would pour more wine. This was their second bottle and it was almost empty already and Kise was especially very tipsy.

"He really is..." Kise mumbled as he poured wine to the glass, though a little haphazardly and continued, "but you know... I mean to take care of you all day... he really cares about you. He would never do that for me."

"He'd probably just tell you to die..."

"Argh... he would. Midorimacchi is always so mean to me."

"I think he likes you though. He is probably closer to you than other guys... well except Akashi. Shin-chan is just a super tsundere."

"If you say so, you are the Midorimacchi expert Taka-chan."

"But I still can't believe it you know... he is really going to get married."

"Maybe she will refuse?"

"No, she won't. She is a bit like Shin-chan when it comes to romance, that is why they get along so well despite Shin-chan's antics."

"Hmm... I see. I am sorry..."

"Don't be... I mean it was obvious that this was hopeless right at the beginning... I never really expected anything from him. And I always knew he would eventually marry."

"Yeah... but it is still sad." Kise mumbled as he played around with his glass while he sipped bit by bit...

"We have the usual basketball game this Friday evening too... By then he will have probably proposed to her. Argh... I so don't want to go."

"Why don't you make an excuse?" Kise asked innocently and he had started slurping his words.

"He would make a bigger fuss out of it. He hates when his routine is interrupted."

"Um... good luck"

"Yeah... I think... I think this may be a good time to end this. You know... I mean I have been in love with him... for how many years now? 10? 11? It is silly... He will never love me back."

"Aw! Taka-chan! If he doesn't love you, don't worry, I love you!" Kise hugged Takao from his waist and put his head over his shoulder.

"Always so cute Ki-chan... I love you too. But you are already taken you know..."

"But I can love you both! I have enough love to last the whole world... I can love Aominecchi, and Kurokocchi, and you, and..."

"Wow. Nice. Good to know that you turn to polyamory when you are drunk."

"Huh? Aominecchi?" Kise raised his head slightly as Takao also glanced back and saw an annoyed Aomine.

"Let me guess... these two bottles of dessert wine were drunk by you two only."

"Wow, Aominecchi how did you know?"

"Ki-chan... it is obvious. Even Ahomine will realise it... And you are so innocent and cute when you are drunk Ki-chan, I want to kiss you."

"You can kiss me!"

"No, he cannot. Nobody is kissing anybody. And Takao, stop it. Obviously Kise is drunk but I know that you are only a little tipsy."

"Aw, you are no fun Aomine."

"Shut up." Aomine scolded Takao and tried to pull away Kise from him but it wasn't a very easy task.

"Why the hell did you guys drink so much? It is Tuesday for God's sake. You both have work tomorrow. And where the hell is Himuro?"

"Apparently a wealthy and frequent female customer of his came for the VIP lounge today with a few friends... and she asked him to serve them personally."

Kise giggled at that joyfully,

"Wow... hehe like a host. It must be because Himuro is very hot."

"Yeah, I know. He is so fine. It is such a shame he is straight as an arrow."

"I know right! It must be illegal for men that hot to be completely straight. They should be at least bicurious... I mean his face is so sexy and his-"

"Wow... Wow. Kise. Nice. Go on, talk more about how hot other men are while your boyfriend is trying to hold you still."

"Aw! Are you jealous Aominecchi?"

"You know Aomine, jealousy does not suit you. Plus, you yourself are very sexy. So why worry?" Takao giggled. Aomine was very annoyed as he left a couple of bills under the wine bottles and wrapped his arm around Kise's waist, trying to balance him.

"Shut up Takao. Come on Kise... I'm taking you home. You are drunk... why did you even drink in the middle of the week?!"

"Because Taka-chan needed me! I can't go! I can't go without him... Taka-chan! I won't leave you behind like Midorimacchi did! Aominecchi, did you know, that damned bastard Midorimacchi is getting married!"

"Huh? What the heck? When did that happen?"

"He told it to Taka-chan first! Like last weekend... isn't he a bastard?"

"Um... well, he is straight. And he is Midorima. So I guess it is normal for him to get married..."

Kise furiously started fingering Aomine's shoulder and chest, "Don't say that! Don't!"

"Ah.. uh... fine, fine stop doing that with your fingers. It is irritating and I am already having a hard time balancing you. God, you turn into a hyperactive 5 year old when you are drunk." Aomine turned to Takao then, "come on, get up, you too. I'll drop you off on the way."

"Oh! That's more like my Aominecchi! You see Taka-chan, he is a bit of a tsundere too!"

"Yay! Tsundere Aomine is the best!"

"Oi! Takao, stop climbing to my back... I said I'll drop you off your home, I didn't say I'll carry you."

"Why not? You are carrying Ki-chan!"

"First I don't want to carry you. Second, Kise is my boyfriend. Third, I am not Murasakibara, I wouldn't be able to carry two grown ass men even if I wanted."

"I'll carry you Taka-chan!"

"God damn it Kise, you stay still..."

"Hmm... Murasakibara indeed could carry us both probably... he is like a titan."

"Murasakicchi, the Colossal Titan."

"The Purple Titan!"

"Can you two stay still a bit? Were you this drunk really? When I came in you were talking more normally... Are you to screwing me?"

"Oh I am screwing you! But not now. But I did last night. Don't you remember Aominecchi?"

"Kise!"

Takao laughed uncontrollably and lost his balance a little so he also held onto Aomine's other, free arm, and saw Kise wink when he did. And thought that he was lucky to have friends like these two. He thought that it had been a good idea to let it loose with Kise like this, even if it was a Tuesday night.

His opinions changed drastically the next day when he woke up to his alarm. He had a terrible headache and he stank. He should not have let it that loose during a week day, he had to go to school... How was he going to face his students and go through all the classes today with this hangover? He cursed himself as he got up and also slightly wondered how was Kise dealing with it all. Surely he had exaggerated his level of drunkenness with Aomine but he had drank more than Takao... But then he had Aomine and if there was no game tonight, which Takao could not remember, Aomine would probably carefully nurse him. He couldn't help but feel a little jealous at that, the relationship Kise and Aomine shared was so perfect in certain aspects that he would kill to have something similar with Midorima. Well, not kill, but he would and could definitely sacrifice a lot.

He tried his best to look as normal as possible as he entered the school. He had recently started working here and it was very important for his career and living: not only did they pay him a lot, it was a very prestigious school, it had amazing athletic facilities that were open to both students and teachers, and most of the children were very bright. His work life was going so smooth and he was so satisfied with it that the last thing he wanted was to stain his perfect record with the school over a silly thing as a heartbreak-induced-drinking-induced-hangover. Almost everything went perfect in the morning as he allowed students to do self-study since they had some upcoming quizzes, but during midday break, when he went to cafeteria to get something to eat, like always many students gathered around him before he could run away to the teachers' lounge. He normally appreciated how his students were so fond of him and he liked them a lot too, but he had a raging headache and the least he wanted was a bunch of random questions, some of which intuitively asking why "Sensei had such tired eyes today". What could he say to them?

"Stop bothering Taka-chan, it is obvious that he is not feeling well today..."

Well, it was not a lie that he was not feeling very well but it was really awkward that he was being saved by the same lie of a fake illness twice in less than a week's time. He welcomed this assist from Yukimura Kaede, the cheerful PE teacher with a reddish brown hair.

"Yuki sensei, don't call Takao sensei 'Taka-chan', only we can call him that!"

Takao found this a little ironic in his head; the only reason why his students had started calling him "Taka-chan" was after seeing a note among his files from Kise that affectionately called him as such. And perhaps, Aomine was right to be a bit jealous, Kise leaving random affectionate notes and stuff (that particular one was a "Work hard Taka-chan!") was very cute and something one would normally do to a lover, but Kise did it to almost all he was fond of. He could still remember Kuroko complaining about finding similar random notes in his house after each time Kise visits. He woke up from his thoughts with a high pitched voice loudly exclaiming,

"Hey Taka-chan! Why are you not answering? Are you really ill? Is Yuki saying the truth?"

"You guys got me... I was trying to keep it a secret, but you see, I have migraine and it has been especially bad since last night." Takao said with a dramatically sad face that the crowd around him, most of whom were girls, fawned over him dearly upon hearing this,

"Taka-chan, you should rest!"

"You should have let us know Sensei! Now that I think, you were so silent during this morning's class too."

"Yeah... Taka-chan you should go and have your lunch peacefully at the teacher's lounge. But please have your lunch with us tomorrow or the day after if you feel better!"

"Sure, thank you. You are all so sweet..." Takao smiled in the sweetest way he could and as he motioned back to teachers' lounge, alongside Yukimura, he could hear especially girls whispering about just how 'cute' he was. He sighed,

"Thanks a lot Yukimura sensei."

"Well, you really don't look good, I am not sure if you are ill... probably a hangover?"

"You are so sharp. Yeah, I was a little naughty last night and I am regretting it a lot."

Yukimura chuckled,

"It is good to be naughty sometimes. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. By the way, I already told you before, you can call me Yuki or Kaede. 'Yukimura sensei' sounds too stuffy."

"Does it? I don't know. You are my senpai."

"Yes it does and it does make me feel a little guilty because frankly I am calling you 'Taka-chan', occasionally."

Takao giggled wholeheartedly, after the girls in his class had taken a liking to the nickname and started calling him as such soon many people in the school, including some of the other teachers, had started using it.

"It is okay though, I am a very carefree person when it comes to names and stuff... plus, I actually like that nickname quite a bit. And I am the youngest teacher so, I guess it is okay. It suits."

"Oh, it does suit you. You are always so cheerful and bursting with happiness, it would be a little too rigid and distant to call you 'Takao sensei'. I am glad you are not bothered by it."

Honestly, Takao was not. He especially would not mind Yukimura calling him that; he was the youngest teacher in the school after Takao, had been here for two years and had always been helpful in teaching the ropes to Takao and lending a helping hand. He was gay too, like Takao, and they had learnt this in a very awkward way: only two weeks after Takao had started working in the school, one night at a famous gay bar in Nichoume, they ran into each other, Takao arm in arm with another man, and Yukimura holding hands with another man. A small panic and "emergency mode" was initiated first to understand just what kind of a person was the other since they didn't know each other well then. They had later spent most of that night talking at a corner, trying to learn more about each other, trying to come to a good understanding and common ground, even though this meant that they had to dump their respective dates. It had been fun though and they had realised that they had more in common than they initially realised, for example, Takao learnt that Yukimura had actually been a very successful high school athlete, a star baseball player who even made it to the grand final in Koshien. They decided that the best was to help each other in case their sexual orientation was exposed or there was an issue at the school; neither was sure what would school's reaction would be to gay teachers, perhaps it would not be negative, but neither wanted to take the risk. So even though neither was fully in closet, they decided that in the school they would continue to act like always and watch each other's back. Takao liked this because even though he always had good relations with his colleagues in every job he had in his whole life, it was the first time he had a colleague with whom he had shared his orientation and it introduced a new kind of understanding he had never received before. Simply put, it was nice.

They had their lunches together at the teachers' lounge but spoke only a little, and mostly of mundane and unimportant things. After taking some painkillers with his lunch, Takao started feeling better and was luckily able to finish the school day. The first thing he did, when he went home, was to sleep before even eating anything. The next day went relatively fine and normal at the school too and he was thankful that his hangover was over. However, by Thursday night, the reality of the routine basketball game he had with Midorima on Friday late afternoons started to sink in and he felt depressed. His depression continued Friday morning to the point that despite his attempts to keep up a cheerful face, a few of his students asked how he was feeling, or if something bad had happened.

When Friday late afternoon came he met Midorima in the usual private gym they met and Midorima, like always, was already there. Takao was particularly late today though, mostly because he was so reluctant to come in the first place that it had taken a lot of effort just to push himself to come.

"You are late."

"I know Shin-chan... I had so much work today at the school, I had to stay late."

Midorima raised his eyebrow in suspicion and Takao thought that Midorima could probably tell that he was lying but would probably not make it a matter of debate since they were already late, he would prefer to start playing. And that was what happened. They played one-on-one for about 40 minutes and then trained separately, shooting and other exercises for another 30-40 minutes. When they were done Takao was tired and aching but in body and soul.

Here is a problem with long-term unrequited love: you are always curious about the other person even though you know that satisfying that curiosity, especially about the details about their love life, will only cause you pain. You still cannot help but inquire about those details as though you have to know. You basically chase after the facts that you yourself do not want to know in the first place but it feels as though you have to know that. A dilemma in its finest and so Takao gave in to the chase, as they changed in the locker room,

"Um... so Shin-chan, did you propose to your girlfriend?"

"Yes. Today, we had lunch together and I told her my plans. She was a little surprised but she approved. We will formally talk with her family next week. Then we are planning to hold a small engagement party some time next month, apparently it is the common thing to do these days."

"Oh..." as Takao thought and Midorima also predicted, things had gone fine. It really was not surprising, Takao remembered how Azumi was like a second Midorima in terms of dutifulness and following expectations. She probably also thought that this was the 'proper' course and thus approved. That was how their relationship worked, not like two young people in love but two government officials in a harmonious bureaucracy that both followed to the letter. It was insane in a way. Takao felt a heaviness in his stomach, the despair started filling him again but they still had to go and eat – because that is what they did always: they would play basketball and then go to eat together, that was their routine, and thus by the rule of the Lord Midorima unless there was a disaster, the routine would not be broken – so he had to dispel this heaviness and despair. But how? What to focus? What to ask? Then it hit Takao,

"I am curious though... Why didn't you take her to a dinner or something? Wouldn't that be better? Or was it that somehow lunch hour was deemed to be luckier by Oha Asa or something?"

"Don't be stupid Takao, Oha Asa is not a weather channel, to report something like 'hourly forecast' of luck. It would be great if that was possible though. Anyway, I had to tell her this week but I had unexpected emergencies and work all week at the hospital so I could not find the time. Then on this weekend, I have the evening and the night shifts. So only day left was today but obviously I have my basketball game with you today right before dinner time and we go to dinner together afterwards. So the only open spot was lunch and thus, I took her to lunch to tell her. It is that simple."

Midorima finished zipping up his jersey as he finished his words and turned his back without waiting for a reply and shouted back, "Can you please be quicker? I will wait outside."

Takao looked at the door open and close as Midorima exited and he felt incredibly happy and incredibly sad. It was as easy like this. It was like how Midorima shot those perfect jump shots, with such perfect accuracy and such a perfectly high arc that he would shoot them and could turn his back and walk away knowing full well that it would go through the hoop perfectly. Just like that he scored against Takao, though he probably did not realise how or why. He did this very often and it was really small things too. He would keep and give the little trinkets and novelties he got from the hospital to Takao, only to Takao. He would always ask for the bill himself and pay for Takao as well even though both were working adults now. If there was a special event he wanted to see, an exhibition or a match, and he did not want to go by himself he would hint it to Takao and go with Takao and Takao only. When they went out drinking as a group, he would never drink and would always be the one to take, often a pretty drunk Takao home. If he had an important news, an important life impacting decision, Takao would be the first one to hear it, in a lovely restaurant after a delicious meal. There were a ton of little things like this that always, always kept and sustained a tiny little piece of hope in Takao's heart. He wanted to end this unrequited love many times but then these little things would happen and Takao would realise just how important and how special he is in Midorima's life and would want to believe, would want to dream that one day, yes one day, he could be the one... the one Midorima chose.

But today, proved once again that it was not the case. Midorima had given him the priority, again. But Midorima had not chosen him to be together. Midorima would perhaps continue to him give priority for some time, for some years to come, but till when? And in any case, was this all Takao wanted? It was not. The little detail that gave him a sense of superiority, a sense of security, and a sense of being loved, for the first time gave him a sense of defeat, a sense of uncertainty, and a sense of abandonment. After he drove away these thoughts from his mind quickly and changed as fast as he could, and exited through the same door as Midorima, he promised himself. He promised himself that these little things Midorima did would never feed the stubborn little seedling of hope inside his heart. No, as he exited through that door, he crushed that little seedling in his own hands into nothingness...

"You sound terrible... it was that bad?" Kise's voice was worried and Takao felt a little guilty bothering him with his now usual Midorima blues on a Friday night.

"It was worse. In a way I guess..."

"So she accepted?"

"Obviously. He apparently talked with her today at lunch, before our game."

"Huh? Why at lunch? Aren't these kind of things done in dinners? Plus, why today?"

"Apparently he was extremely busy all week, and he would be super busy during weekend too. Since he plays basketball with 'me' on Friday evening, he wouldn't be able to take her to a dinner. Because we play and then have dinner together every Friday. So he took her to lunch to propose."

"You are joking..."

"I am not."

"God! I don't understand Midorimacchi... I mean if you come first in everything about his life, if he prefers to play his routine basketball and have dinner with you over proposing to his girlfriend in a lovely dinner, why the heck is he not getting any clues?!"

Takao just sighed as Kise went on rambling and grumbling about Midorima.

"It was a big slap you know... till now, I always cherished these little things... this 'priority' status I had in his life. But I cannot be satisfied with only this anymore. I am tired of just hoping and hoping based on them..."

"I understand but... don't they still show that you there is hope?"

"What kind of a hope Ki-chan? It has been what... over 10 years? How long should I wait? Do you know what he told me during our dinner? He said that I should also hurry and find a suitable person. He keeps saying that now and then for months now. I had to joke again saying that monogamy was not suitable for me and that I liked having fun fooling around but the truth is I want to have a long-term relationship too... but it is simply impossible to have the one I want – the one with him. And today I realised just how hurtful and complicated him prioritising me will eventually be for us, too. I have been a fool this past year thinking that the fact he prioritises me over his girlfriend was a good thing. It is not. At the end he never doubted his relationship with his girlfriend or anything, he is marrying her! And how are we going to deal with this in the future? He is going to have a family yet he will prioritise me? I don't know what scares me the most: that he will actually fade away gradually and stop caring about me or if he actually continues prioritising me over his wife, his family... That would be too cruel for them. I am not cruel like that..."

"Taka-chan..."

"It is crazy I know... and perhaps I am to blame for this. Everybody avoids him or communicates within a well established distance. Even his girlfriend sets up a very specific boundary and distance between themselves, because damn, he is very rude, and distant, and stoic. He is unbearable for any sane being to try to identify with closely. But I had to stick to him. I had to endure his snide comments and rudeness and distance, for years and now... we are this weird thing."

"I don't know what to say..."

"It is okay... argh, sorry for calling you at a Friday night. Aomine must be furious that I am stealing his precious time with you."

"Please, don't be stupid, I am glad that you called me and told me... It is just that I can't really help you and it makes me sad. I wish I could."

"I know... but I think this whole thing clarified a lot for me. I mean... let's admit it, I have been stupid. You must know this better than me, you waited for Aomine for years too but even you would not wait for him and endure crap like this, for like a decade... I am so pathetic I cannot believe myself."

"You are not pathetic. Everyone is different."

"It is time for me to end this... I should end it."

"Look I always supported you in your feelings and wishes Taka-chan and I will continue to support you; if you feel like you should move on, you should do just that."

"Thanks. I think I'll go and sleep..."

"Want to go out drinking tomorrow?"

"Nah, I don't really want to drink after the hangover I had to endure this week. It was bad and I was afraid that people would recognise. Plus I am tired a lot mentally... I think I'll just spend the weekend cooped up at home, sleeping and stuff. And you should instead spend time with Aomine, you guys both have packed schedules already."

"You sure? If you want we can do something else too... We could play basketball or go shopping?"

"Thank you Ki-chan, but I am fine... I mean, at least I'd like to believe that I will be."

"Okay then... but know that I am here."

"I know... thanks."

Takao went to bed early that night and hoped that tomorrow would bring better resolve to him and better hopes and he would wake up with a lighter heart. That almost happened too... he was feeling better when he woke up, a long sleep had helped a lot, he prepared a delightful breakfast for himself... he truly loved how simple things could brighten life so much. Then, in the middle of his breakfast, his phone vibrated. He looked at it and saw that it was a long text from Midorima, it said:

"Takao, I forgot to tell you yesterday. I would like you to arrange the place for my informal engagement party next month. Since neither Azumi nor I have a lifestyle like yours, we do not know well the venues that could be rented for such an event. We are both very busy as well. I know that you are often involved with Kise and others when preparing events and parties so I recommended you and Azumi agreed. I will be paying for everything and do let me know the pricing before making arrangements."

Takao shook his head and re-read the text. No, he was not hallucinating; as though his pain and despair of forever losing the one he loved were not already squeezing his heart out, he had just been asked to rent a place for Midorima's engagement party, the man he loved one-sidedly for over a decade. What could he do? What could he say? For a second, he thought of crying, perhaps crying would help him a little, to let loose his emotions like that... On a later thought though, he dismissed this idea. Crying would only give a temporary relief, but he had a permanent cure to his addiction. So he said to himself, "since you are such a goddamn masochist in the first place, Takao Kazunari, let's just overdose" and replied to Midorima:

"Sure Shin-chan! Why not. I'll let you know next week or something..."


	3. Chapter 3

If he wanted this wound to be completely closed, then he had to cauterise it, he had to ensure that it would not be stained by any hope such that it would reopen. What better method to get his mind and soul accept the defeat other than arranging Midorima's engagement? While he was strongly behind this choice he made, obviously, it did not help his mood. His appetite was gone and he simply went back to bed, trying to drift back to sleep... He fell asleep but woke up after about 10 minutes; almost the whole day of Saturday was spent in bed, falling asleep then waking up, looking at the clock and realising that no, the god awful day had not ended yet... At around 9 pm, he was so fed up with himself, so tired of his constantly pathetic yearning for Midorima that he suddenly jumped out of the bed. He put on some of his nicest and sexiest clothes and went out.

As he rode the train, conscious of some of the strangers, both women and men, who were eyeing him rather hungrily, he thought of calling Kise... If he did, the blond would surely come and meet him in less than half an hour. That was how he was, always helpful and ready to cheer people up. He was honestly happy and glad that he had made friends with Kise, even though it had been rather strange. They knew each other for years during high school but were never really close; he was just one of Midorima's quirky and super talented "miraculous" friends. Then on the first day of his university life, as he walked around the campus completely lost and clueless, and wondering why he couldn't go to the same university as Midorima, well he actually knew why – Midorima was going to a nationally acclaimed medical school, he ran into Kise Ryouta. Apparently, neither knew, but they had chosen the same university and while Takao was studying History, Kise was studying Economy. They even had some common courses in their first year. Since their personalities were both very cheerful and easy-going, they hit it off right away and bonded in this new environment where they did not know anybody else. Only a few weeks after the start of their new friendship, Takao had decided to inform Kise of his sexuality; he had already decided to start dating men more casually and openly in university, and if he was to become truly friends with Kise, he thought that this was needed. He had expected Kise to be unbiased and he was right in that judgement, what he didn't know was that Kise was apparently also gay. It was an interesting moment of bonding for both, which only turned a little more awkward and puzzling when Kise suddenly exclaimed:

"Oh! I have to tell this to Aominecchi! He will be glad... I have been a little frustrated that I had nobody to discuss my love life with and he realised it... Wait, I can tell it to Aominecchi right? That you are gay?"

"Huh? Wait, Aomine knows you are gay?"

Kise looked puzzled for a second then smiled sheepishly,

"Obviously... I am sorry, I am just jumping too far ahead... you see, I am dating Aominecchi."

It was one of the most shocking moments of his life, to be honest. Aomine Daiki, the young man who talked about just how much he appreciated large breasts on a woman frequently, was apparently dating Kise Ryouta, a man towering at 191 cm now with an athletic body. And obviously, no breasts whatsoever. Surely, Kise Ryouta was beautiful, good looking, and definitely sexy, but he was the last person, he thought, to attract attention of Aomine. Perhaps catching on to his friend's surprise, Kise giggled,

"It is a little surprising, I know... he talks a lot about... female body. Doesn't he? And our characters don't seem to match either... But really, he is amazing. He is very caring and nice to me. And it is normal that he can appreciate both female and male forms because he is actually bisexual."

"Well, that makes more sense" thought Takao, but still had serious doubts just how that jerkass Aomine could ever be the boyfriend that Kise was praising. He swallowed these doubts though, the last thing he wanted to do was to hurt Kise with such cynicism. In the next few weeks the two grew very close, they ate their lunches together, they went out drinking every week, and it didn't take long for Takao to spill the beans about his long-term crush on Midorima.

"Well you are always stuck to him despite his... personality. So I guess that makes sense. But ah, don't get me wrong, if you like him, I will definitely support you Taka-chan!" Kise had commented. And he did support him... in the next years to come, during their time in university and even after, Kise consoled Takao after every break up, which ultimately happened because Takao simply could not love anybody other than Midorima. Every relationship Takao started, he ended up looking for "Shin-chan" in the other person but never being able to find it, he could never be satisfied truly. It was a cursed cycle that repeated itself over the years to the point that now they had come to be almost a routine. In all those years, Takao also learnt that looks could be deceiving and people could show their affection in different ways, he should have known this the best since he was after all in love with Midorima Shintarou, but it was harder to learn and recognise it in others than your beloved. Kise was right, Aomine was loving and caring. He would be rude and a little rowdy at times, he would be irritated easily and he was very childish now and then, but he loved Kise. The way his gaze would falter over to Kise during a gathering of old friends, the way he often stayed sober if Kise was drinking at a party to ensure that he would safely take Kise back home, the way he would act reluctant whenever Kise asked something of him but always, always ended up granting Kise's wish, the way he always found something to cheer Kise up whenever Kise was even slightly saddened, the way his face would twist and fill up with anger when anybody said anything nasty about Kise, the way he would walk so close to Kise when they were out that their hands would slightly touch even if they could not hold hands because of the public attention often hovered over the two... Aomine had become a star basketball player and Kise had become a well-known model but they never wavered, they never fell apart. They had started living together during the second year of the university and they were living together now too, though Kise had officially rented another apartment in the same building and designated that one to be his address to outsiders, just to ensure secrecy of their relationship. To outsiders, to media, they were best buddies who could not be separated, but really, they were like a married couple. The kind of married couples that bicker constantly but are so loving, so strong, and so constant in their love and desire towards each other that you cannot help but envy...

And just how much Takao envied them, he could not put it in words... there were not enough words. Only if he could have a similar relationship with Midorima... but it was impossible. And the life had proven just how impossible it was again and again. Takao's reminiscing and despaired thoughts were interrupted by the regular station announcement and he realised that he had indeed come to the stop where he had to get off the train.

After an hour in the lively bar, he questioned why had he come in the first place... in such clothes too. He had been hit on multiple times since he came but he made brazen and snide comments at every suitor such that he managed to send away each and every one of them in under 5 minutes. If he did not want to spend the night in somebody's arms, just what the heck was he doing here? Truthfully, he knew that it was not a naked body that he desired that night, no, he wanted comfort. Comfort by a friend, some consoling, some advices, and a lot of support and motivation... He thought of calling Kise but dispelled the idea again; he had thought of it before too, but it was finally a Saturday night that Kise could spend with Aomine and he really did not want to interrupt his friend's love life so much... He had already talked with him for almost an hour last night and they had gotten pretty drunk a few nights ago, much to Aomine's annoyance. He did not want to be a burden on his friend. How pathetic, he thought, despite being so popular and having a wide range of friends, somehow he could not think of any to call and share his despair with... But then he had realised very early on in his life that being popular and knowing many people never meant being free of loneliness or solitude, sometimes you know so many people so superficially yet you have almost nobody you can connect with at a deeper level.

"You are out drinking again? I thought I had heard you say you would not drink for at least 2 weeks."

"Ah... Yukimura sens-... Um, Yuki?"

"That's better!" Yukimura smiled as he sat near Takao and ordered a drink.

"I know I said that but I was just... cooped up at home and not feeling very well, so I thought I would hit the bar."

"Not a bad idea I guess, as long as you ensure that you don't drink much."

"Nope, I won't... I will be careful tonight, even though tomorrow is Sunday."

"Hmm and not that I am curious about how you are when you are drunk..."

"Haha... people say I am not that different actually, just more mischievous."

"Hmm a very mischievous Taka-chan sounds very interesting..." Yukimura winked playfully and sipped from his drink, a moment of silence befell them as Takao fiddled with the wine glass in his hand...

"If you don't mind me asking, why are you not feeling well? Did something bad happen?"

"You really don't want to know or listen... trust me, it is long and pathetic. You should find a lovely date tonight instead."

"Actually, I am not really feeling like hitting it off with anyone tonight, I only came out because some friends invited me but then they stood me up the last minute. So I am pretty much free and you know what, I know I appreciate somebody to listen to my long and pathetic sob stories now and then so I really wouldn't mind listening to yours."

Takao had never told of his "long and pathetic story" to anybody but Kise till then. Only other people who knew anything about it were probably Kuroko, who was a good observer and had probably caught on to Takao's feelings but did not know or care much about the details, and obviously Akashi, who was almost an omnipresent and omniscient being in Takao's eyes by now. He had made comments now and then, privately, mostly subtle advices about how it would probably end up not well for Takao. There was absolutely no reason for Takao to share his story with Yukimura, someone he was fond of but still not very close to, however this absence of a close link was what made it more appealing to share it with him. Because Yukimura did not know Midorima, he would probably never know or meet Midorima, and even if after hearing his sob story Yukimura thought that Takao was a pathetic idiot, well, so be it, Takao would not mind much since he did not feel strongly about Yukimura in the first place. With a deep sigh, Takao said:

"You will regret it..."

"I will? Don't say that. I am sure it is not that bad..."

"It is not that bad, it is just unbelievably pathetic and it will probably lower your opinion of me greatly but you know what, I think I need to talk about it tonight if I want to feel any better and you, my dear friend, have dug your own grave so I will not show any mercy."

"I really don't think it will lower my opinion of you but... you are scaring me a bit those last comments. So what's up?"

Takao smiled bitterly and focused his eyes on the red liquid in his glass; he adored red wine. It was also the only drink Midorima would drink now and then, very rarely, but the only one...

"I am heartbroken."

"That's it?"

"That is just the title of the story..."

"I see... it is interesting though, I would think that you are more of a heart-breaker than being the one heartbroken. Oh... don't get me wrong, I am not saying that in a bad way."

"Hmm... is that so, _sir_? In what _way_ you are saying it then?"

"You are just... incredibly cheerful, positive, and outgoing... people flock around you so naturally."

Takao chuckled at that, it was truthful but that truth rather made his truth even more bitter,

"I must admit I do break hearts quite often... but I guess it is a revenge for my own broken heart in a way, albeit an unconscious and unintentional one."

"I see... so why are you heartbroken? Did your lover dump you? Or perhaps it is an ex that you just cannot move on from?"

"He would have to be my lover to dump me and well he would have to be a lover in the past to be an ex..."

"Oh, an unrequited love?"

"Bingo..."

"You are intriguing me even more... Never thought of you as one who would fall one-sidedly."

"Because I am popular and people are naturally attracted to me? Most make up such assumptions but you know, it is really bullshit, pardon me saying that... people's lives and emotions are not defined so superficially."

"Sorry..."

"Oh... Don't be sorry, I am not saying you meant it like that. I was just trying to make a point... I am a little tipsy so pardon my rudeness Yuki..."

A moment of silence passed them and Takao thought that perhaps his earlier words were too snide, so he decided to continue on his own,

"He is my best friend."

"That... must be hard."

"Yeah... and he is straight. Such a cliché huh? I bet you would never guess that about me either..."

"True, I would never think of you as one who would fall for their straight best friend..."

"God... I am pathetic."

"Don't say that... it happens, one cannot control who they love."

"We are not adolescents anymore Yukimura, we should be able to control it a bit by now... Last week, he told me that he is planning to propose to his girlfriend."

"Ouch..."

"Indeed, 'ouch'! They won't be marrying till next year apparently, but he wants to be engaged next month. Since I am his best friend, I was the first person he told this to. Even before his own parents."

"I am sorry... it must have hurt a lot."

"Tell me about it! It has been crazy... and guess what he did this morning? He sent me a text saying that he wants me to arrange the place for his engagement party! Because neither him nor his sweetheart has any time and plus they are both socially awkward dorks so they wouldn't know how to anyway... well, he didn't put it that way but it ends up being it..."

"Wow... that really sucks."

"And I agreed to it..."

"What? Why?"

"Argh... I don't know. I thought that I have to cut this off, end this somehow and exposing myself to such pain could help me to move on... I hoped. I thought it would be like a slap of reality. But it is painful. And I cannot believe he asked me for it..."

"But he probably did not realise the situation he is putting you in. He does not know of your feelings right?"

"No, he does not. He could not get a clue in over a decade for some reason..."

"Huh? Over a decade?"

"I fell for him the first year of high school..."

"You are kidding right?"

Takao chuckled bitterly at that and pointed his empty glass to the barkeeper to refill,

"I wish I was kidding... but no. I am not. I have been in love with my straight best friend for over a decade now."

"Wow... I never really thought you could... I mean... it is interesting and unexpected, honestly, I never knew you were so sentimental and loyal..."

"I never knew either... I still don't know how I manage it... pretty pathetic huh?"

"Uh... surely not ideal and perhaps a little masochistic, but I would not say pathetic necessarily. It is weird he never realised it in ten years though..."

"Yeah but I guess I keep my secrets well and his personality is a bit quirky so..."

"Well true... plus, you are often liked by women in social environments, aren't you? A straight man wouldn't suppose you are gay."

"Oh but Shin-chan, I mean 'he', knows that I am gay. The last few months he has even been pressuring me to find a suitable 'man' for myself to spend the rest of my life with... to follow his lead. Crazy huh?"

"He knows you are gay?!"

"Yeah... for years. You see, I was so depressed and frustrated by the end of my third year in high school that I found a boyfriend around my age, online. And one day Shin-chan caught us."

"Caught you? Like..."

"Yep, right in the act. We were fooling around in my house after school and apparently Shin-chan had to pick up something he had left in my house a week earlier – he has this weird lucky item obsession, it was apparently his lucky item for that day, anyway – so he comes and realises that the front door is slightly open... I mean, God, how stupid I could get?! I am lucky that it was not my parents or my little sister but Shin-chan... Well, I didn't think so at that moment of course..."

Takao chuckled as he remembered the incident, it had been very awkward and scary at that time, it was funny how incidents that caused you great anxiety could, years later, only induce humour,

"So anyway, Shin-chan thinks that somebody perhaps entered the house forcefully. He sneaks in through the open door silently then he hears my moaning and thinks the worst, then he just runs to the living room, sees me pinned down on the couch... and _bam_, he just attacked my boyfriend."

"Oh my..."

"It was so scary, I did not understand what the heck was going on, I am like half naked, and here is the funny thing, Shin-chan is like 195 centimetres, athletic built so he may come off a bit intimidating but the truth is he sucks big time when it comes to fighting. Out of panic my boyfriend punched him and then I think he thought it was a family member or something so he got scared and just ran away. I was literally left there half naked with a beaten up Shin-chan..."

"What did you say?"

"What could I say? You will laugh hearing this from the me now but then I had been just too despaired and depressed too and had decided to move on, so I thought that it was the perfect opportunity in a way, I got all mad at him, shouted and said that the guy was my boyfriend and that I was gay."

"He must have been shocked?"

"He was. Very much. He thought silently for almost a minute or two and I thought, '_God, here it comes, he'll cut off his ties with me_' and instead Shin-chan asks '_So, it was consensual? You are not hurt?_'"

"That is..."

"Let me tell you what that is: that is sweet. Very, very sweet. I was not hurt but his lip was bleeding and he had a huge black eye but after I nodded that I was fine, he just got up and said that he was sorry for attacking my boyfriend. I mean, he was the one who ended up being beaten! Then he started to the most awkward lecture of my life."

"Huh?"

"He lectured me on how could I have left the door open, what if it was somebody else, and then he moved on to the topic of safe sex..."

"You are joking?!"

"Nope. I literally sat there half naked, listening to Shin-chan, as he pressed a napkin on his bleeding lip, talking about safe sex and also about how I should value myself more even if my libido is high and unstable due to adolescence. It was almost surreal."

"It _is_ surreal. He must care about you a lot though based on that so it is interesting he never made that connection huh?"

"He cares for me a lot in his own way but the reason and context are completely unromantic... Romance in general does not exist for him. Last year, he started going out with someone for the first time in his life because he thought the time had come for him to find a proper lady to start on a path to marriage."

"Is he old-fashioned?"

"Not necessarily... he is awkward regarding societal norms and if he can understand them and they make sense to him, he will follow them to the letter. If they don't make sense to him or bother him personally though, he will not do them even if it will make him look like a freak. And anyway, he is a very independent and solitary person. He never needs anyone, he does not feel yearning for another person... He does not care if he is alone or not. To be honest, sometimes I wonder if he is even capable of love..."

"Now you must be just badmouthing him... I mean, if he was so heartless, why would he care about you like that when he caught you? Plus, if you love him, and you continued to love him for over a decade, there must be some reason..."

"Well, he is hot. Very good looking."

"Come on, you are not that superficial."

"'_Not that_' being the key; so you do realise that I am a bit superficial?" They both giggled at that.

"You know I didn't mean that... and you are just trying to avoid the question, aren't you?"

"Fine. You win. Why do I love him? God... even I don't know... his personality is terrible."

"There must be something you like about his personality... how could you stand him all these years otherwise?"

"Indeed how could I?!" Takao said a little loudly and dramatically then sipped a bit from his drink and started thinking a little...

"He is... independent and solitary and he does not need anybody; as cold as it sounds, it is impressive regardless. He works hard by himself, he rarely relies on others, when we were young it was even worse but as he got used to me and rest of the team – we were in the same basketball team in high school – he opened up a little... And when he opens up to you a little, he starts caring about you but he does not expect anything from return. It is so beautiful... Nothing like the '_banter_' relationships everybody else looks for. And he is so dutiful and responsible. Even to people whom he is distant to, if he feels the need to do something for them, or if there is a societal requirement, or if he is given a task... he will do it. He will achieve it. He will work his ass off, he will move the mountains but he will finish it successfully. He is just so reliable, you know you can rely on him. And he wholeheartedly believes in fate, yet he will also put in his best effort... so he will feel sad, he will feel anger, but he will never feel despair even if he falls down. If he loses, he will be very sad and that will only motivate him further, he will just try harder next time. It is so amazing... to see that. And at the beginning, perhaps to make him recognise my potential... just to be acknowledged by him, I attached myself to him so much, and after that as he opened a little to us, he always opened a little more for me than others..."

Takao gulped all the liquid in his glass in one shot and pointed his empty glass to the barkeeper for a refill,

"So we became 'this'... this weird thing. I violated his solitary existence and he was distressed and he was rude to me and he was mean but I did not run away, never... and he grew used to me. Not because he needs me but because I am always there with him, out of my own will... So he started caring for me, more and more... I became more and more important to him as I started occupying a larger and larger part in his life. And to him, his routine is everything, and I just became part of his precious routine, as I was stubborn to be a constant existence in his life, despite the years. Sure, there were many times, I thought I would move on, I tried to move on but I would realise just how much I meant to him and how much he meant to me... And he is such a tsundere, you should see him, he is like an anime character or something. He will buy a gift for me, a t-shirt, and buy one for himself as well, then claim that he "accidentally" bought two and give one to me. If there is a new film in the cinemas that he really wants to see, he will wait for me to ask him out to go see it together or he will ask me to drive him there or something... He loves being pampered though he never admits to it. And if there is an important life changing decision he made, he will take me out to a dinner and tell it to me first. If we are out drinking with friends, he will always be the one to take my drunk ass home. If his girlfriend asks for a date at a day where we had already planned something, he will refuse her, to do something silly and something he probably does not even like with me... These little things he does for me, the subtle affection... I couldn't let go of them and since I couldn't let go of them, I couldn't let go of him."

Takao paused for a second and smiled, more to himself than Yukimura, "It is hard to explain why you love someone..." he mumbled then and started playing with the now refilled glass a little, expression on his face slowly faded away and his face came to a neutrality, bearing no signs of any emotions as he was left deep in the memories of the days past... with Midorima. How could he continue this love for so many years? How could he continue to desire the same man despite sleeping with so many others? How could he continue to feel this constriction in his chest and breath just a little harder, simply by remembering the good moments and the bad moments and the happy moments and the sad moments of them together...

He gulped almost half of the glass in one go and then licked his lips,

"Yuki, I like to think that we do not love people solely because of this or that reason. If it was just because of his face or a particular aspect of his character, I think I would have fallen out of love with him many years ago. I like to think that we love people, especially those we love for long, for many reasons, some of which we cannot really fathom... but most importantly, because how they relate to our life, our daily lives. The things we share with them, the experiences we have with them... The feelings they continue to give us and things we continue to see in them. The changes, some of which we like, some of which we don't, but you develop and mature through things... together. That is what happened. Why I loved him the first year of high school probably is very different than why I still love him... Love is such a bothersome thing... it is like a malicious tumour, cancer... in a way."

Takao gulped a large mouthful from his wine, almost finishing it and put a couple of banknotes on the bar counter.

"I think it is better I go... I feel a little depressed. I should just go home and sleep some more probably..."

"How long did you sleep today?"

"Uh... a lot. But I guess I can still force myself to sleep."

"How about I propose something else?"

"Come on... you must be already tired of my boring, pathetic, crappy sob story."

"Forget what I think about it – it does not matter, I think you yourself are tired of your story. How about you try to forget it a little?"

Takao laughed at that cynically and added: "Do you think it is that easy?"

"No, it is probably very hard. But it may be not so hard if only for a few hours? And it would help your mood to have some fun? There is this new club and they hold these amazing theme parties on weekends. They respect privacy of their guests too. It is gay-friendly, obviously. If you prefer you can even don a mask."

"Hmm... it does sound interesting... What is it called?"

"Moonlight."

"Ah I know that place! But I heard you have to be vetted even just to be a guest and nobody without an invitation is allowed in. And to get an invitation you not only have to jump through hoops but you have to ask at least a week in advance."

"Yeah. And I also happen to know some of the staff there. Old friends. I am allowed to go in any time I like, plus bring along a date."

"You serious? Wait, are you asking me out now?"

"Just as friends. What do you say? I think it would help you... to have a nice fun night out with friends. Drinking wine like this and then going home to sleep even more would be just sad..."

"You know what... you are right! I shall follow you _sir_, take me to this new paradise." Takao giggled, though honestly, it was a little forced. He did not feel well at all but Yukimura had listened to him patiently and was trying hard to cheer him up so he couldn't refuse. Plus, he had really wanted to visit that club before, so this was a good chance... and perhaps, as Yukimura said, he would be able to forget about Midorima at least for a few hours. The idea sounded very attractive to him at that moment. They got ready to leave and a couple of seconds later, they were out the door...


	4. Chapter 4

"I cannot believe that idiot!" Kise almost yelled, frustration evident in his voice, which was very unlike him then he sipped a little from his tea, just to calm himself down. Takao looked at him with a hazy gaze though and simply said,

"Isn't it kind of expected though? I mean... he indeed would not be able to arrange a place for the engagement party... properly... probably... And I mean, to him, I am like his best buddy so..." he sighed. Kise was not satisfied.

"Don't defend him Taka-chan! It does not matter how it looks from his side right now!"

"Right" responded Takao, smiling a little and sipped a little from his own tea. Akashi had apparently 'asked' Midorima to 'ensure' that he informed rest of their friends about the little news of his engagement. So after receiving the mass-text-message Midorima sent to all their common friends on Sunday morning to inform them of his engagement, Kise had decided to call Midorima to 'congratulate'. Truthfully, Kise was just curious to understand more of Midorima's plans with this whole engagement affair, but upon learning that Midorima had asked Takao to arrange the engagement party, he had gone ballistic. Midorima, obviously, had not understood just why Kise was so upset and disturbed by the idea and Kise could not articulate it clearly or truthfully. The first thing Kise did, after his call with Midorima was over, was to call Takao, then learn that his friend was understandably hung over after spending Saturday night out drinking... believing that they needed to talk, that Takao needed to talk, Kise had forced Takao to come out in afternoon for a late lunch. Now they were having their light lunches, or rather Takao was simply staring the plate in front of him while contemplating just why the heck had he drunk so much the night before. He should not have. He had promised himself to not. Well, it was not so bad, especially the fun he had was definitely worth it... He had been able to forget about Midorima and all his worries for a few hours at least. But being hung over again within the same week was just killing him.

Kise frowned,

"You should have called me... Why didn't you? You shouldn't have just go out drinking alone..."

"Come on Ki-chan, I know that it is rare for you to have some free time with Aomine on Saturday nights. Plus, don't worry, it wasn't a night of sobbing alone at the bar, and I was not alone at all. I actually went out with a friend."

"Really? With whom?"

"Uh, you know, Yukimura Kaede? From the school?"

"Oh, the PE teacher who is also gay?"

"Yes, that one."

"He asked you out? Or you asked out to him? I didn't know you two were so close..."

Kise was a bit jealous and pouted his lips a little as he fiddled around with the salad in front of him,

"We ran into each other at a bar and he kind of saved me from a night of bawling my eyes out... I was so fed up with everything and he was a little interested so I ended up telling him the problem I am having. He was very nice... He took me to Moonlight, you remember that new bar we wanted to try? Apparently he has friends there. We could get in and since it was their theme party night – pirates, by the way – it was amazing... I had a lot of fun and even forgot my worries for a bit."

"Really? Well... if you had fun... I didn't think it was that easy for you to talk about it to others..."

"Oh come on, don't pout. It is not that easy for me to talk about it to others – anyone other than you, that is. But he is practically a stranger and he is gay, so it is a little easier to tell him, I mean... even if he disapproves, I won't care and he will never ever really meet Shin-chan will he?"

"True..."

"I promise I'll call you next time."

"Now, that's what I had wanted to hear!"

Kise winked, perking up a little hearing that, and brought a single cherry tomato to his mouth, Takao thought just how such childish gestures and caprices suited Kise so well... like the way flowers suit to a valley. Gestures or words that would look immature on another male nearing the end of their twenties looked just fine and even cute on Kise...

"So, how does this Kaede guy looks?" Kise asked, which caught Takao by surprise,

"Not 'Kaede', we are not that close. 'Yukimura'. And well... he looks good. I mean he used to be an athlete."

"Oh is that so? What was he playing?"

"Baseball. Very well too, he even made it to Koshien during high school."

"Wow. That is big. Did he ever try being a pro?"

"Apparently he never thought of it as a professional career path... he was confused when I asked him that, '_I am good at it and I think I enjoy it, but I've always wanted to be a teacher, being good at something does not mean you have to do it professionally, does it?_' he told me. It was a bit surprising to be honest, I mean who would never even try their luck at it? It is just alluring in a weird way too... I kind of remembered how Shin-chan had given almost the same response when I had asked him the same near the end of high school."

"Oh, wow, you already compare him to Midorimacchi in a positive light, he looks good and is athletic, and he took you out to Moonlight and you actually forgot about your worries while there with him?"

"Ki-chan, what are you trying to tell?"

"Well, isn't it obvious? This guy could be a good distraction, perhaps even more, during all this Midorimacchi fiasco, no? You could try dating him."

"You are joking right? We work at the same place. Plus, I don't think he looks at me that way."

"I know you well enough to know that you could make pretty much any gay guy to look at you _that way_. And I mean... why not? Didn't you have fun with him?"

"I did but in a completely friendly manner. You know how I love to date but I use it way too much to distract myself from Shin-chan, it never works, only exacerbates my attachment to him. So I am thinking that this time, instead of intoxicating myself in pleasures of the skin and flesh with others, I will face this hardship all sober and hopefully this will actually help me move on. Plus, please, he is my colleague. I don't want to complicate my work environment, it is perfect as it is right now."

"Well, whatever you wish, I just thought, why not?"

"I think I said enough reasons on just why it should not be?"

"Fine fine... hmm... you know I've been wanting to visit Moonlight too, for some time now. But Aominecchi is a bit cynical and self-conscious about it."

"I don't think he has to be... it is a very fun and open environment and people of various orientations come. Very interesting. Very private too, they are serious about that. Also, just last night, apparently one of the guys we saw inside was a famous baseball player; I don't understand from baseball at all but Yuki told me so. He also said that he saw a minister come in last weekend. So, I am assuming it should be private enough for a basketball star too."

"Hmm... so you are not close enough for it to be 'Kaede' but you are close enough for it to be 'Yuki'?"

"Ki-chan!"

"Maybe Yuki-chan? That sounds really cute actually."

Takao rolled his eyes, "Please..."

"Fine fine. You are so not fun when you are hung over."

Takao did not reply but continued drinking his tea silently, which caused Kise to feel a little guilty about acting so capricious when his friend was so troubled.

"I can take care of Midorimacchi's engagement thing if you'd like, you know. It would be fine if we didn't tell him about me doing it, or we could tell him – I don't think he would mind either."

"It is okay... I think it really should be me to do it. I mean... it will be really difficult and painful and perhaps that is what I need: a very difficult and painful realisation of just how impossible this crush has always been and continues to grow even more impossible as if it is possible..."

Takao almost mumbled the words between his silent little sips of the tea in front of him and Kise thought that he was almost like a child who had to part with his parents... He couldn't help but reach to front and ruffle Takao's hair a little,

"Huh? What was that for?"

"Well, Aominecchi always ruffles my hair a little when I sound heartbroken and I guess I got used to it from him... Want to go watch Aominecchi's game tomorrow? It is going to be a good one."

"Sure, why not." Takao said smiling a little, glad to have friends who cared for him so much, and seeing Takao smile Kise smiled as well and returned to devouring his meal.

The next few days were spent in a whirlwind for Takao as he had a lot to do at school, his relationship with Yukimura had improved tremendously, and Kise managed to keep him busy too, taking him out or asking for favours, mainly to ensure that he was not cooping up at home or despairing over what was to come... And Takao appreciated this, truly. However, certain things were inevitable and his mood turned very sour on Friday morning. Kise had specifically called that morning, and based on the commotion Takao could hear from the background Kise had been particularly busy in a photoshoot too, and he even offered to make up some lies together to avoid the Friday basketball session Takao always had with Midorima. But as with the engagement party arrangement, Takao was adamant about facing this painful set of events by himself and honestly believed that this was the only way to cut himself off from Midorima. Kise had to relent.

Yukimura was also confused at first, seeing Takao obviously anxious and nervous, a sight rare and the fake smile he pulled during classes perhaps was enough to convince the adolescent students but not Yukimura. However, he was able to guess more or less what the issue was after last weekend's heart to heart with Takao. So during lunch hour, he intentionally and stubbornly dragged Takao to the old Biology lab at the top floor of the building. It had an amazing view of the school's large gardens, which were now covered under snow, the frozen branches of trees gleaming under the winter sun, thanks to the unexpected and unusual snowfall the night before... it was a beautiful sight and the room for long had been a favourite spot for Yukimura, something he had not shared with anyone else in the school. Takao knew very well that Yukimura was trying to cheer him up but it was hard to cheer up sincerely as the evening's inevitable game loomed closer and closer. He was thankful to him though, this little escape had allowed him at least a little breathing room, he was happy that he would not be spending his lunch hour flashing fake smiles in the teachers' lounge. So, they had lunch watching the pretty sight outside; Takao was eating a melonpan halfheartedly, his despair was suppressing his appetite but he had to eat to properly function and the game tonight was sure to test his stamina, Yukimura on the other hand was eating a bountiful homemade bento that smelled amazing and would normally cause great envy in Takao, though now it was only irritating his already disturbed and wilful stomach. Still, he was thankful and he wanted to show this, so he broke the silence:

"Thank you... you know... it helps that I am not enduring under the prying eyes of other teachers in the lounge."

"Not at all... you look really distressed today."

"I am a little..."

"Is there anything wrong? Or is it what we have talked last weekend? That is, if you don't mind me asking..."

Takao sighed, he was not sure if he really wanted to talk about this and though thankful, the idea of burdening Yukimura with his own worries and pathetic love story did not feel very right, but the other seemed very curious for some reason, so he relented.

"Yes, kind of. I play basketball with Shin-chan every Friday evening at the court of a private gymnasium complex..."

"Oh... so you'll play with him today?"

"Yes. It was horrible enough last week... and now that I have to even arrange his engagement party. He will probably ask some stuff related to it after the game. It will be very distressing..."

"Why don't you make some excuses and not go?"

"He is very strict about his routine, he would make a very big deal out of it and I would have to find a really elaborate excuse... Plus, how long can I avoid it? I mean it is inevitable. I already accepted to plan the thing for him."

"I still don't understand why are you purposefully hurting yourself by pushing yourself to arrange his engagement..."

"This pain will be the antidote for this poisonous addiction I have. Trust me."

"Fine. It still seems a little masochistic to me."

"Perhaps I am a little masochistic, I mean I have been in love with my super grumpy and straight best friend for over a decade."

Yukimura giggled at that,

"Yes, it is quite interesting that you were able to hold on to your crush for so long, still, I regard you more of an 'S' than an 'M'... And stop nibbling at that melonpan, here, have some kimchijeon."

Takao looked a little puzzled at the kimchi pancake piece that Yukimura was offering him,

"How am I an 'S'? Come on. And I don't have an appetite..."

"You like to be pampered and you are fine with inflicting pain or suffering to others mostly, aren't you? Even with this friend of yours, you were talking about how you practically glued yourself to him despite his aversion to be with people. It must have been hard for you too of course, but then every S is a little M, they call it 'sadomasochism' for a reason. And, I can understand that your appetite is gone but a melonpan will surely not bring it back. This kimchijeon is homemade – even the kimchi in it is homemade. And I know that you love kimchi."

Takao was intrigued by the offer due to those last two comments and grabbed the small piece of patty from Yukimura's chopsticks that were dangling it in front of his face,

"I guess I could be a little bit of an 'S' and a little bit of an 'M', you might be right. And who on earth made this? You don't live with your parents do you? At this age? Mmm... it is delicious too. And I mean, even if the pancakes are homemade, how come the kimchi is too? And wait... how come you know that I love kimchi?"

"Why would it have to be my mother? Please. I made it. And I made the kimchi too. And I know you love kimchi because you have kimchi way too often as a side dish for a Japanese person. Plus, I heard you say that it's your favourite food to a student once."

"Now I feel like you are stalking me but what shocks me even more than that: how do you make your own kimchi? And this is delicious I mean wow, you are a great cook."

"I am not stalking you, I am just a very observant person. I also know that Sena-san, the Chemistry teacher, is a fujoshi for example because I saw an R18 doujinshi in her bag once, when she accidentally poured over the contents – she was so embarrassed and I acted as if I did not recognise it but yeah, be careful around her. And thanks, I am a good cook because I was mostly home alone. We make our own kimchi always though, my mother is Korean and and my grandmother lives with my parents too and she is very traditional and very strict about kimchi."

"That is so cool! And yeah, message is clear about Sena-san. Um, can I grab another piece?"

"Yeah sure go ahead... You don't nourish yourself properly, you know what, it will not only impact your physical health but your mental health too. If you ate better, you would feel better."

"You think so? But I suck at cooking, and I live alone, and I am lazy... And when I feel down I just don't feel like eating anything at all."

"I see... I could teach you how to cook a bit if you would like?"

"Thanks but really, it is not because nobody tried to teach me, it is because I am utterly talentless at it. I actually have a friend who is a great cook and he even taught another friend how to cook very well... I tried to learn a few dishes too, to surprise Shin-chan once, but yeah, it was an incredible defeat..."

Takao could not fathom how even the most remote of the topics with the most unrelated people always brought him back to Midorima. Here he was, only a few minutes after forgetting his forlorn love and enjoying a delicious taste and some small talk, returning back to the devastating reality of his life, the inevitable focus of his life for years: Midorima Shintarou. Yukimura must have thought the same that he could not help but mumble,

"It seems as though your life revolves around him..."

"Not just 'seems', it actually does."

"Don't you think that's what you have to change first?"

"I don't think I understand what you mean?"

"Forcefully trying to separate yourself from him by throwing facts about your life that you think will alienate him from you – like how you outed yourself to him in high school, or forcing yourself through great pain to face the hopelessness of your love... I am not sure how effective they are but most importantly, it feels to me that they don't address the main problem. It might be too arrogant to say this, after all I haven't known you for long and I don't know him at all. But I think that you have attached yourself to him like a lover and based on the things you said previously, you two are closer than what friends should be... It is understandable from your side as you love him, but based on what you say, he is just following your lead partly due to his quirky nature. If you don't address this, if you continue to make him the centre of your universe, I don't think you can ever stop feeling love for him... no matter how much pain you put yourself through, your mind and heart will find their way back to him because you think about him, feel about him, you have arranged your whole life around him... Argh, sorry, I am really being an arrogant prick am not I? Forget what I said."

Yukimura fiddled a little with the chopsticks in his hands, playing with rice grains, but Takao was very much surprised at his honest statement... and not just surprised: Takao thought that Yukimura was right on. It was true that he had arranged his whole life, in this last decade, around Midorima so tightly and neatly that it was impossible to not think about the man. It had become a routine, an integral part of his life – his daily life – just like it was for Midorima. It was not that he never thought about rearranging his life, restructuring it such that he would set some boundaries between himself and Midorima, but hearing a stranger explain it so neatly and bluntly was something else... it brought a sense of revelation and also urgency to his mind and heart. And though he was a little afraid, this also felt like a ray of hope: if he could only stop loving Midorima, if he could only start being 'only' friends with Midorima... he would do anything for that. So on contrary to the nervous face Yukimura was donning now, Takao smiled,

"You know what? You are damn right. I should probably rearrange my life from scratch... I should make it such that Shin-chan is within well defined boundaries of friendship and nothing more. It will help me move on. And you are very right in saying that, if I don't start moving him away from the centre of my life, I will never move on regardless of the many troubles and pains I put myself through. Now, can I get another piece of this? It is so delicious..."

Yukimura's face lit up and he offered the last piece of kimchijeon that was left in his bento to Takao and added as the school's bell started ringing, signalling the end of the lunch break,

"I am glad you think so... and a good way to start would be to learn a little cooking for your own self, not for somebody else. And I can show you some basic dishes, kimchijeon – the kimchi pancakes – are very easy to make for example. And I can even share some of our homemade kimchi with you if you like."

They both were getting up at that moment and Takao was also busy stuffing the piece of patty into his mouth, so as he moved to the door to go to the class, he didn't think too much about the kind offer he received, it did not seem like a bad idea and the promise of some homemade kimchi was too good to refuse, so he just said,

"Sure, why not! As long as you can bear with my terrible cooking skills – or rather lack thereof. I got to run now, my next class is actually on the other building."

"Okay, we'll catch up later. Have a good day – and good luck for tonight, don't worry, I am sure you will pull through."

"You overestimate me Yuki! See you." Takao said giggling. He did not realise that the man he left behind in that old Biology lab, in front of a window with a lovely view, was now smiling, elated, with his cheeks a little red.

Takao was feeling better and a bit more optimistic than morning when he arrived at the gym. After receiving the usual glare from Midorima for being late and going through the same routine practice they always go through, he thought that perhaps Yuki was not overestimating him. Perhaps, Takao Kazunari was indeed a natural when it came to surviving, and persevering, and enduring... it would not shock him much. When they went to change, for the first time in a long time, Takao deliberately avoided looking at Midorima; the half innocent, half not-so-innocent gaze he would always throw at Midorima's naked skin and body that reminded one an ancient Greek or Roman sculpture... He avoided this time and hoped that he could avoid in the future as well, these glances, the dreams and desires they would always manage to induce deep in his heart, he had to get away from them – from them all. While he was fully focused on avoiding Midorima to the degree that his gaze – a focused and slightly angry looking one – was intently on the locker in front of him, he did not realise Midorima's confused glance; the green haired man did not understand what was so interesting about the locker that it required such a strong gaze but preferred not to ask about it. Most people thought Midorima Shintarou was very weird, but Midorima Shintarou thought most people were very weird. The weirdest of them all, he had always thought, was Takao Kazunari.

When they went out for dinner and Takao asked for kimchi ramen, Midorima looked at him a little disapprovingly,

"I don't understand why you eat kimchi so much."

"It tastes delicious."

"It is okay. But it smells quite bad."

"Well, I think it smells delicious."

"Your tastes are strange."

"Says the man who has a toy truck with him in his bag."

"It is my lucky item, obviously."

"Obviously." Takao giggled, it was always hilarious and for some reason it never got old how blunt Midorima was about his preferences and how he was sure that they were 'sensible'.

"I snitched some kimchijeon from a colleague's bento today so it just made me crave kimchi so bad later on... it was so delicious too. Homemade kimchijeon from homemade kimchi! Can you believe it?"

"No, I cannot, why would anybody bother with making it at home when you can buy it from market. And I don't know what kimchijeon is."

"Geez, Shin-chan, you remember we had had it a few months ago at the Korean restaurant I took you? It is kimchi pancakes. You had said it tasted okay. And I think it is pretty amazing that people can make such delicious stuff at home... it always tastes better when you make it at home."

"It seems like time lost to me, I would prefer working or resting or doing something more productive at home instead."

"That is so like you... anyway, my colleague will teach me how to cook a bit and he promised to even share his homemade kimchi with me. It will be good because you know I haven't been eating well... and plus, learning how to cook may help my finances and mood too!"

Midorima "hmpf"ed at this at first then paused a second and added,

"If you like home cooking so much, you should just find somebody reliable that you can share rest of your life with. Then you could cook for him, or vice versa. A stable home environment is crucial for these kind of things."

"Oh God, are we back at this?"

"Why do you hate the idea of finding a partner who will stay by your side always?"

"Why is your solution to all my problems is finding a long-term partner?"

"It is not my solution to 'all' your problems; I think not even a long-term partner could fix your character, for example. But at least it would ease your life and make you a proper adult."

"You are always such a meanie Shin-chan. How am I not a proper adult anyway? I am a working adult with a proper job and proper social standing."

"You call me 'Shin-chan', I think that is enough of an evidence to show that you are nowhere near being a proper adult. You are way too immature. Your migraine is triggered so often, probably because of how messy your house always seems to be and how you never take care of yourself properly. And you yourself just mentioned your eating problems."

"I think you are mistaking having a partner with having a mother or something... Plus, I told you before, I really am not suitable for monogamy. I like playing around way too much to commit myself to a single person."

"It is not about whether you are suitable for it or not, it is something you need, every adult needs."

"Nah, I don't think so... you are boring. Just because you people prefer stability over thrill of falling in love again and again and boundless passions, it does not mean I should as well."

Midorima was slightly disturbed at Takao's answers and this gave a bit of a fun and pleasure to Takao; knowing that he could ruffle the feathers of Midorima was always pleasing. He was a bit of an 'S' indeed. He was not sure why Midorima was so intent on his advice of Takao going steady with somebody though and he was not sure why Midorima looked especially irritated at his ordinary responses, he had said similar things to Midorima perhaps a hundreds times in the past.

"What will you do... in the future?"

"Huh? What future?" Takao asked a little surprised as he slurped in some noodles, their food had just arrived but Midorima was simply staring at the bowl of ramen in front of him, talking with a voice as though he was talking about something particularly distasteful and bad,

"Your future. When you are older. When your youthful face is no more. When you can't find partners so easily anymore. What will you do then? You will be alone if you continue like this."

This was the last thing Takao could ever imagine hearing from Midorima but he decided to hide his surprise by devouring his food even more enthusiastically even though he could feel some unrest rising up in his chest... Playing fool and trying to change the subject would help, could help, he thought.

"My 'youthful face', wow I never knew you found me so attractive! And perhaps, are you worried about me Shin-chan? Not needed, really. And I mean... even if I find someone steady, it is not like I can form a family with them or have children. Just focus on your own future, we will be waiting for your kids by this time in two years!" he smiled a little, even if he did not want to, he hoped it looked sincere enough but Midorima was unfazed,

"A family does not necessarily require children, even if it is preferable, being with someone you could share rest of your life with is enough to be in a 'family'. And if you wanted kids, you could always adopt. Don't you get it? We are going to be thirty in a few years. You are not very young anymore. What do you want? To live your life all alone? To wake up all alone every morning? All of us will settle in our families and our ways of life and you will be left alone. All alone. Do you want to die alone or something? Because that's what will happen: you will die alone."

If it was any other time or perhaps if Takao was just an observer to this conversation, he would be more surprised about the concerned and strained tone of Midorima's voice, his slightly anxious eyes, despite his calm demeanour... But right about now, these words were not just the last things he thought he would hear from Midorima, these words were also the last things he wanted to hear from anyone. He did not like living alone. He did not like waking up alone. If anything, he hated being alone. He has always hated being alone. He always needed someone. He was the needy one. It was Midorima who preferred being alone. It was Midorima who never needed anyone. It was Midorima who was never needy. And it was Midorima, whom Takao wanted to be with more than anyone. That was the sole reason why he had attached himself so closely to the man over the years yet here was Midorima slapping the facts Takao was most afraid of to his face, bluntly, in the middle of dinner. The idea of dying alone terrified Takao. The idea of being left behind as Midorima settled in a family life terrified Takao. Every single thing that Midorima had uttered, simply terrified Takao. After hearing those words, he could try his best to simulate cheekiness or continue devouring the delicious meal in front of him, but the truth was the words Midorima uttered had simply smothered Takao; he did not have any appetite left, on the contrary, he felt nauseous, he felt breathless, he felt terrible and terribly sick... he had stopped eating midway through Midorima's rant. After a pause of a few seconds, blinking a few times to ensure that yes, Midorima had just exposed his greatest fears and hurts unknowingly, and not registering the concerned tone in Midorima's follow up of "Takao?" Takao just chuckled. It was a sarcastic laugh. It was so venomous that Midorima felt a little disturbed hearing it, then his eyes grew a little larger and he asked again: "Takao?"

If Takao had replied then, he would say things so horrible, he would say things so sad, he would say things that he would later regret so much, he would say things that could never be rectified by any lie of any kind... that he just stayed silent. He had to stay silent. It was incredibly hard to stay silent but he did. Then he got up, taking his coat from the chair beside his, and feeling the strength of a resolve he did not know he had, he mumbled silently "I don't have much of an appetite now... I'll just leave". Then he turned his back and took a step away from the table, Midorima was still silent and quite confused, unable to say anything, but then Takao turned and his lips that produced such a venomous chuckle a few seconds ago were now donning the saddest, the bitterest, the most heartbroken, and sorrowful smile that Midorima ever saw. And then Takao said, not with a mumble, but with a clear and confident voice:

"Nobody wants to be alone. Nobody wants to die alone."

He did not wait for Midorima to answer and simply stomped away. Midorima watched his back till it disappeared from his sight, then he turned his eyes to his now cold meal.

Midorima Shintarou knew very well that nobody wanted to be alone, that nobody wanted or could want to die alone. He was the most likely candidate to be the exception to these rules but the very existence of Takao Kazunari and what that existence did to him had proved him wrong years ago. So that's why... "that's why I..." he thought. But he could not understand, he could not fathom... Just why did Takao laugh so venomously? And why did he smile so sadly at the end? And most important of all, why were his eyes wet after Midorima's words?

Guilt started building up inside Midorima and he felt that he also did not have any appetite left.


	5. Chapter 5

_Takao's eye colour is a bit of a matter of debate; apparently coloured manga pages and some of the material based on manga actually use brownish-orange while anime uses (sometimes silvery) blue. I opted for blue because, well, I like it better for this story._

* * *

A strange and unnecessary disappointment at Midorima not following him wrapped around Takao as he walked briskly towards nowhere in the cold night. It was very stupid for it was very improbable for Midorima to even understand how much he had hurt Takao with his words, so why would he follow him? Simply because he stopped eating and left abruptly? Midorima would find a perfectly legitimate excuse for that in his head, Takao thought. Like always...

The idea of going to his apartment, spending the night all alone there terrified him immensely now and he wanted to go somewhere, anywhere that would allow him some company... anywhere he is not alone would do. His realisation of this sudden bout of fear of loneliness, of abandonment saddened him further and then as a particularly cold gust of wind prickled his face, he realised the wetness of his eyes... Was he crying? He was not sure. He hoped not. And the fear of whether or not he cried or if his eyes were wet at all when facing Midorima struck him and he begged to God for that not to be the case; the last thing he wanted was Midorima to see him with such an emotional reaction to his words. It was not solely because of the peculiar kind of timidity one has towards their beloved, especially their unrequited love, but also the fact that Midorima would not understand it. No, instead he would focus on just how unnecessary and improper for an adult to cry in public is; just another blow to Takao's self-esteem and he was very much afraid of this... he smiled bitterly, if Kise heard this fear, he would probably be very angry at him; Kise cried in public, Kise laughed in public, Kise yelled angrily in public – any and all emotions of his, he preferred not to hide. He was never ashamed of them and often he did not care how Aomine would react to them, he did not care how anybody would react to them, he did not care how old he was... And somehow, perhaps due to this self-confidence, perhaps due to the always youthful face of his, no show of emotion ever appeared improper on Kise's face; he was beautiful if he cried or laughed... Takao took his phone out and opened his contact list, his finger moving right onto the entry for Kise. If he called Kise now, if he told him what happened, Kise would surely welcome him tonight. He would not allow Takao to spend the night alone. Perhaps he would even find a way to cheer Takao up, thanks to the boundless energy and joy he always seemed to possess. But hasn't he been enough of a burden for his friend? Aomine did not have a game tonight, Takao remembered, but Kagami did and whenever this was the case, Kise and Aomine would tag along Kuroko to go watch Kagami's games. They were perhaps already at the venue, cheering for their dear friend; Aomine would be making some arrogant comments and Kuroko would be replying with calm yet snide comments and Kise would be laughing... Somehow, their potential happiness and joy caused great envy in Takao, why did the only person he was able to share so freely his feelings and thoughts with, the only person he truly relied on other than Midorima, Kise had to be so popular? He knew he was being unfair, and he hated this, but he was feeling utterly defeated and alone right now and all these conjectures his mind and heart were entertaining were not helping at all... His fingertip wavered above the name, "Ki-chan~~" for a few seconds and just the moment he had decided to go along with his selfishness, to just tap the name and call Kise and vent about everything, the phone in his hand started to vibrate and the melody of that stupid anime he watched solely because it had a character that looked similar to Midorima started playing... The name that was flashing on the screen was "Yukimura Kaede" and Takao was quite surprised at this. He debated inside whether or not to take the call in his current state for a few seconds but decided that it could be something important or at least it wouldn't hurt him to hear the voice of another human being that he knew and was fond of.

"Takao? I am sorry, am I disturbing you? I thought your basketball game would finish by now, but since you received the call so late, you must be busy. I will call you later."

"No it is fine... my game finished hours ago, I was just... trying to find my phone. Sorry. What's up?"

"Um... nothing, actually. I just wondered how you were doing... you looked incredibly despaired today all day and though you seemed to have cheered up a little by the end of lunch, I was not sure. So I thought I'd give you a call..."

"You are... very thoughtful, Yuki."

"Oh don't say that... I just know you are going through a tough time and as somebody who had gone through similar feelings in the past... and since you told me a little about it... Perhaps I am being meddlesome, I am sorry."

"No, really, there is nothing to be sorry about. I was actually..."

Takao paused for a second then sighed deeply and continued,

"I was feeling very distressed and discontent actually... And I was the one who spilled the beans to you so... Your concern is not disturbing me."

A strained silence fell between them then, each not sure what to say or how to continue and Takao felt a little stupid at spilling the beans again and informing Yukimura of his current state, he was about to make an excuse and hang up to not worry Yukimura anymore when the other asked,

"Are you hungry?"

"A little... why?"

"Do you want to go out to eat? There is this lovely Korean restaurant I know, they use some of the best kimchi in the whole city, perhaps the whole country."

"You really don't have to..."

"But I want to."

"Why?"

"Because I would like to be better friends with you: we share a secret together, we work and live in an environment where we are discriminated daily, and I think it is nice to support each other. Also, because I like kimchi and eating out as much as I like cooking so it is a good excuse to go out for me."

"I will probably only spoil your mood..."

"You were saying similar things last weekend too but we ended up having a blast..."

"We did, didn't we? That was nice... well, you know what, since you are so stubborn about this, why not. Where is the Korean place you are talking about?"

It was not that Takao felt like eating then – though he was hungry as he had left his dinner abruptly – nor was it the case that he particularly wanted to meet Yukimura... but the idea of meeting somebody other than Kise and sharing a little bit of his worries and despair somehow seemed like a good idea. He hated being a burden on Kise and if he was to get over Midorima, he would also have to get over his unhealthy habit of running to Kise every time something went wrong with Midorima. It was all about breaking the pattern. It was all about defocusing his world away from Midorima. Plus it felt a little stranger and a little freer to talk about his unrequited love and Midorima with someone who actually did not know Midorima... Maybe he was just making up reasons. He did not care particularly.

After about forty minutes when he met Yukimura in front of the shabby little Korean restaurant he had mentioned, Yukimura was smiling happily and almost with a tinge of hope or expectation and Takao thought that perhaps he was seeing wrong. But then, perhaps he was not. He always had this talent at alluring people, absorbing their attention, consuming their interest... He seriously doubted anybody who knew about the pathetic story of his love life would still regard him to be the shining star, but then again, people could be really strange, he had found out, by meeting Midorima Shintarou and falling in love with him.

After some small talk, Takao told Yukimura about what happened earlier that night as he devoured the kimchi fried rice in front of him. When he had first entered the shop, he had not had any appetite, but the old shop owner who greeted them personally (he was apparently a family friend of Yukimura's) and the delicious smell of the foods he loved the most had helped bring back his appetite. Yukimura was right too: the kimchi they served and used was among the best Takao had ever tasted. After watching Yukimura stay silent and a little lost in thoughts after listening to his little sob story, Takao couldn't help but comment,

"Pathetic, isn't it?"

"No, it is not."

"Come on now... it is."

"You use self-deprecation as a coping mechanism, don't you?"

"Huh?"

"You know your situation is rather hopeless and to come to terms with this, to come to terms with your inability to move on, you are using self-deprecation. Calling it pathetic does not make it pathetic though."

"Perhaps I am a little pragmatist in regards to self-deprecation but be serious, an unrequited love of over a decade over a straight best friend is pretty pathetic. It is downright disturbing and stupid."

"Why? Who decides to that? You know what, I am very much disturbed by how we tend to categorise feelings so easily in our culture and belittle some while hail others for very trivial reasons. You were not a stalker, you did not force him to anything, you only loved him from afar; perhaps it is a little strange and uncommon, and surely it was sad and painful for you, but why pathetic? Why disturbing? Why stupid? I don't think it was any of those... I think it was or that it is rather a beautiful yet painful commitment, an unyielding and perhaps unnecessary loyalty... I think it is sentimental and a tad bit cute, actually."

"You do realise that I am a grown man..."

"So what? Why does the innocent belief and commitment for another is so right and proper if you are young and not so much when you are past a certain age? It is not like we have to grow difficult and bitter over years; I would say it is better if we don't. I had my fair share of unrequited loves too – hell, everyone does. I mean, this whole world we are living right now has been designed and arranged specifically for heterosexuals and even heterosexual people have unrequited loves and love troubles. Isn't it normal that we have as well? Isn't it understandable that it may be harder for some of us to move on for we are pressed on many aspects of our lives, much, much more than others?"

Takao was surprised at the honest rebuttals of Yukimura and to be frank, he liked to hear them... he liked the honest and defiant words of Yukimura that could be described either as very realistic or very idealistic depending on where you looked at them. "Perhaps..." was the only thing he could utter in response and for some reason that made Yukimura smile.

"We read Romeo and Juliet as the ultimate love story, but we would call any modern 'Romeo and Juliet's to be the ultimate pathetic and stupid couple. We create stereotypes of not just people or orientations of love too and then push this onto people. What is regarded ideal is sometimes not so ideal and what is regarded as realistic is sometimes not so realistic... I think, you don't have to police your feelings so strictly. Don't guard them so much. Don't be afraid of them so much. Don't be insecure of them so much. Surely, it is easier said then done, but you are strong. Anyone can see that. Anyone should know that knowing that you have loved the same man for over ten years even though he was a very difficult man based on what you've been saying; loving someone takes a lot of effort and strength, you have done it, in an unrequited manner too! I have full confidence in your strength."

The last thing Takao thought that he would ever do that night was to giggle yet he did giggle a little upon hearing these words of Yukimura... Nobody had ever cheered him on like this but Kise and it was nice hearing it from someone else.

"God... Yuki-chan, you are overestimating me. I am afraid the next moment you will scream your lungs out, 'Fighto!'"

Yukimura laughed at that and his cheeks reddened a little at "Yuki-chan" that Takao had uttered so easily and naturally and was probably not aware that he uttered it fully. They continued to talk about love, about life, about being gay, about sports, about politics, about the school... this and that. After they finished their meal, the talk did not end and they continued it at a small bar nearby. Takao realised that it was getting very late now and then and he would comment on how they should go home but Yukimura would find some excuses to prolong the night and Takao would follow the lead for he really did not want to leave home and face the empty and cold loneliness of his room and it seemed as though Yukimura was keenly aware of this secret. They continued in this loop and hopped a few bars till Takao was very tipsy that he had to leave but he just did not want to leave... only about two hours were left before sunrise when they left the bar and they made it to Yukimura's car parked outside stumbling and giggling, despite the fact that Yukimura had not drank a single drop all through the night and it was only Takao who had drank. Once inside the car a little sadness arose inside Takao as he realised that he would be going home now and soon he would be all alone again. He did not like his apartment, it was too close to Midorima's house and workplace, it had too many items from Midorima, it just always somehow smelled too much like Midorima despite the man visiting only sometimes and often for odd reasons and very briefly... He mumbled his exact address to Yukimura but the man seemed to drive in the complete opposite direction.

"Did you hear me? I am saying it's located at –"

"I am not taking you home..."

"Huh? Yuki-chan, no, you won't leave me out in the streets in this cold will you? There's still hours for the trains to start..."

"Of course not Taka-chan, I will eventually take you home, just not yet."

"What are we going to do then?"

"We are going to drive around the city."

"Huh? Why?"

"Because I think the city is beautiful at night and there are only like less than two hours left before sunrise and I want to watch sunrise."

"You are crazy... or maybe romantic... or maybe both?"

Yukimura laughed at this and continued unperturbed,

"There is a favourite spot of mine that I sometimes drive to, only to watch the sunrise... I'll take you there. And it will energise you."

"Hmmm... yeah, I need some energising."

"Yeah, probably."

They stayed silent for some time and when Yukimura started talking again, he could not receive any response from Takao, which he later learnt was due to the fact that Takao had fallen asleep... His smooth and perfectly symmetrical facial features looked very beautiful under the night sky beaming with variously coloured city lights and it only looked more and more beautiful as sky opened up to a brighter and brighter tone... They simply drove around the city like that. Takao slept so peacefully in those two hours, he had not slept so peacefully in maybe two weeks. When they reached the spot Yukimura had wanted to take Takao and the sunrise had started in all its glory and beauty, Yukimura debated within himself whether to wake Takao up from his peaceful sleep but despite his gentle side advising otherwise, he decided to awaken the man sleeping soundly near him. For he thought that it was important for Takao to open his eyes to sunshine with somebody and not alone this morning. And he thought that it was important for Takao to be both honest and selfish with somebody a little. And in all honesty, he wanted to be that "somebody" desperately. So he caressed Takao's cheek slightly and whispered the cutesy nickname,

"Taka-chan..."

After a few tries, Takao opened his eyes – the beautiful blue that would cause envy perhaps even for the sky – and he smiled to the hazy gaze in Takao's eyes, pointed the glorious sunrise outside and simply said "Good morning". And despite the cold weather outside, Takao felt warm, and it was not because of the heating in the car.

The same moments in which Takao felt a much welcomed warmth, Midorima felt cold despite the multiple layers over him in bed. He opened his eyes distressed and tired; he had left the restaurant about ten minutes after Takao, he had not even touched his food and he did not eat anything else afterwards either, he instead directly came home and got into the bed. Despite how much he wanted and forced himself to sleep, however, he had been unsuccessful and under stubbornly closed eyelids, his fully awake consciousness tortured him. The anxious and hurt face of Takao, his strained voice, his parting words that were honest but somehow not honest enough, and his wet blue eyes that screamed things Midorima could not fathom... Was Takao crying when he left? Or was it just that his eyes were getting wet and perhaps he cried afterwards? Why would Takao cry over this? Were his words harsh? Perhaps they were, but he always talked like that. And he had to, especially in this case, because for some reason Midorima could never understand, Takao always took life, especially his love life, a little too easy. Midorima was not even sure why he was concerned about what the future held for Takao or his private affairs, but the idea of Takao being alone, without any plans for a future, without a family to call his own bothered Midorima and this was not a feeling he was used to. It was hard enough to deal with it by himself but it was even harder now after he had finally put them in clear-cut words, and Takao had reacted so terribly. Did he have to apologise? He thought he did not have to, he should not have to, but he felt as though he had to. In a long, long time, Midorima decided that he was too bored and tired to step out of the bed that day and despite almost always waking up and starting his day with sunrise, he cooped up deeper in the bed and decided to stay in bed as long as he could. He had promised his girlfriend for a date that day but he did not feel good at all and knew that his lack of sleep would hit him hard in a few hours time. So before he went back to forcing himself to sleep, he quickly sent a text message to his girlfriend, mentioning his abrupt insomnia, bad physical health, cancelling their date and apologising for it. When he closed his eyes again, he remembered Takao's face right away... it seemed as though the sight had been etched onto his mind... after almost an hour, when his tired body finally relented and fell deeper and deeper to the sweet spell of sleep, Midorima continued seeing the image of Takao's troubled face and wet eyes... before he completely lost consciousness, the last thought in his hazy mind was an odd one: he thought just how pretty Takao's eyes looked wet. Blue orbs shone with wetness and they resembled small pools of water and one could gaze into them for hours... these were Midorima's last thoughts.

When Takao finally made home and drifted into sleep on his bed, he was feeling much more content; Yukimura had dropped him off and even helped him to his room. He was slightly intoxicated, in various meanings of the word, too and his heart felt lighter compared to just a couple of hours ago. When he woke up, he felt lighter too. He had drunk quite a bit but not enough to cause a bad hang over... instead of cooping up at home, he decided to go out for a late lunch and called up a few friends. He spent most of the Saturday outside having fun and almost to accommodate his change of mood, sun was shining brighter that day and the weather turned warmer and warmer. Late evening, while having his dinner with a few friends at a nice little shop in Nichoume, he sent a message to Kise to go out for brunch on Sunday, which Kise replied with an enthusiastic "YES!".

He was not tired by the time he made it home that night, so he opted for surfing the web and posting random musings on Twitter. A friend of his posted a picture of a bride which caught his eye; he looked at it for almost a minute. He smiled.

It was silly to think that he would die alone, that he would be abandoned. He would have to tear himself away a little from Midorima, surely, but this was something he knew for a long time and he had already decided to do. But it would not be that he would lose Midorima. Or any of his other friends. And it only meant that he would move on to find someone who would love him back. Losing Midorima would eventually mean gaining a true lover, somebody who is not Midorima but somebody he would love just as much. And it was possible, he thought, he knew: people loved many people throughout their lives, sometimes because they were alienated from some of their loves, sometimes because they lost them... His childish and stubborn fears were not dead yet, surely, but he felt a ray of sunlight creep into them, a seedling of hope in his chest: the fact that he was lonely at night now did not mean that he would always be so and it did not mean that he was truly alone – just a moment ago he was laughing with friends. He had people who cared for him and loved him and he continued gaining more such dear friends, like Yukimura. Life was not so bad, and claiming it was otherwise would be rude to God and Fate.

Filled to the brim with a sudden courage, Takao typed the keywords to the Google Search bar at the corner of his web browser: "best engagement party spots in Tokyo".

In the same minutes Midorima got out of the bath; unlike his initial thoughts, having a long bath had not helped his mood nor to the unreasonable fatigue that was present all over his body. When he gazed upon his own reflection on the bathroom mirror out of chance, he blinked a few times, his face – quite wet, slightly red, and feeling especially "naked", without the eyeglasses – seemed very sad and tired. He had been depressed the whole day, slept till late afternoon, and he did not even eat or work out despite his initial plans for the day. He instead had spent all his day in bed, hungry and restless, listening to Oha Asa and then various podcasts about Zodiac signs, various kinds of astrology, and luck... Midorima felt a little dizzy staring at the reflection of his face for a second and held on to the marble sink, leaning his forehead towards the mirror, his still warm forehead softly touching to the cold glass. He mumbled to himself as his eyelids closed,

"Just what is wrong with me... I am supposed to be very lucky today, except in love."


	6. Chapter 6

_In my headcanon, Kise avoids confrontation as much as he can but if he flips, he flips all the way: got to watch your back then 'cause things can go *crazy*. Oh and Takao is the queen of cheekiness and Midorima would look delightful in the rain. _

* * *

Takao decided not to tell the whole story to Kise. If Kise had heard the exact words Midorima used regarding Takao's love life and loneliness, he would flip for sure and it would complicate the things. Any other time, Takao would feel the need to tell Kise because he had been the sole person he could open up about these pent up feelings. Now, that was not the case though; Yukimura had consoled him about this so thoroughly that he did not feel that need pressing. So he opted by saying that Midorima had pressed him on his lifestyle and pressured him to find a long-term partner too much that he had lost it and left the restaurant early. He also mentioned that afterwards out of pure luck, he had spent the rest of the night with Yukimura. Kise then started to his usual ranting about Midorima,

"I cannot believe he can be so idiotically cold and oblivious. Can't he think at all? Work that large brain of his that is somehow good for anything and everything except love and common sense?!"

"I sometimes think that he is incapable of love in the first place..."

"That would explain it but I hope he is not..."

"But he is happy like that. I mean, he never fell in love with his girlfriend but he is okay with it. You know I actually asked him this once..."

"You did?!"

"Yeah... And he looked at me all puzzled and said that a good and sustainable relationship did not necessarily require a fleeting emotion like love."

"Ouch..."

"I didn't know if I had to feel sorry for myself or for him, then I just chose to be sorry for both of us."

"But if he does not care at all about love, why is he so stuck with your love life? What is it to him? I understand that he would belittle it or think low of it, but I don't understand why he would push you to find a love..."

"Ah Ki-chan, he is not pushing me to find a love; he is pushing me to find a long-term partner. Like he did: somebody reliable with whom you can manage and sustain a long term relationship. I am not sure if he is referring to a house or a car or actually a human being..."

"Jeez... he is insufferable."

"I know. And he has been pressing me about this for months now, it only got worse after his decision to take the next step in his private life. I am afraid it will continue... and I don't know if I can take it every time. Sometimes his words hurt a lot more than they should or normally would, you know... for obvious reasons."

"I understand... Why don't you just find a lover for the time being? Till you feel freer from this curse called Midorimachhi at least? And you could tell him that you are now thinking of settling down and you found a suitable partner. It would shut him up."

"I don't want to lie to him and I really don't want to have a relationship right now... not even a one night stand to be honest. I feel that it is time for some self-care and self-love."

"I am all for self-care and self-love, but some dating would help for that too, I think. And it is really a white lie..."

Takao giggled at that,

"All lies are _white lies_ for you Ki-chan. Like that time you followed Aomine to Hong Kong, when you met him there and pretended that it was all a coincidence because of an unexpected offer you got from there... and all was because the paparazzi were spewing rumours about Aomine and a Hong Kong native lady while he was doing promotional work there."

"Uh... don't remind that. Aominecchi is still angry about that."

"He is? I thought he liked you being a little possessive and jealous."

"He does, most of the time. But he hates being suspected, he took it as a lack of trust on my side."

"And he is right in that... I mean you guys have been together for years. You should trust him more."

"I do trust him in principle and he is right in that, yes, but he is also a bisexual man with an immense libido and a particular fondness and attachment for large breasts which I do not and will never possess. Hell, I have every right to suspect him now and then, given enough evidence."

"Okay okay, I didn't say anything, no need to get tense..."

"I am not tense... it is just... it is not easy Taka-chan. Being together has its difficulties too. You must be able to guess at a certain level. Every love is essentially unrequited: one can never split open the heart of the other and look inside... You never truly know; you only believe. And beliefs sometimes waver, stupidly or unnecessarily, but they just do. They require some reassurance from the other party. That is how love sustains, that is how you continue on together. Otherwise, nobody is always self-confident and confident on just how much they are loved... even I am not. Neither is Aominecchi."

"That splitting open a heart bit was a little terrifying of an analogy and by the way, Shin-chan actually does that – not metaphorically though, literally."

"Jeez... you just have to pick on my words right? Even at those rare moments when I am calm and serious... Anyway; my point remains: why don't you just find somebody to shut Midorimacchi up? At least these few weeks where you will already be very tense because of other stuff..."

"Is 'other stuff' a code word for arranging Shin-chan's engagement party?"

"Yes! Argh... why are you being so stubborn on doing that for them in the first place?!"

"You know why; I think it will help me move on... I don't know Ki-chan... it feels that lying to Shin-chan right now about something like that would only make things worse."

"It isn't that bad to say such a white lie. It doesn't even have to be a real lover... I mean, if I could I would pose as your lover but Midorimacchi is already well aware of my relationship with Aominecchi so..."

"You are just so cute sometimes, don't say stuff like this or I'll steal you from Aomine... but finding somebody to date now and then would probably be easier you know."

"Yeah. You could try that Yukimura guy for example."

"Nah, no way, not Yuki-chan."

"Oh, so he is already 'Yuki-chan'?"

"Well, I guess I grew fond of him especially over the last two weeks, he did help me a lot... and yesterday he was really very thoughtful and he is a very decent person, a great friend. So good that I wouldn't want to waste him as a casual lover."

"So nice of you... so so nice that it makes me start to think that this guy has some potential to be a lover for you."

"Come on..."

"But really, you are not that thoughtful with your casual lovers normally, are you?"

"No I am not but they also don't happen to be my colleagues whom I have to face every day and also they are not such lovely, gentle souls who I would like to be friends with. I usually just want to bang them."

"Somehow even your vulgar words sound so sweet Taka-chan!" Kise winked and continued, "well, I understand your reasons actually and they make a lot of sense. I just hate to see you moping lonely I guess... I am so used to seeing you dating and having fun even if Midorimacchi is being a jerk. Oh and you know, you should definitely introduce me to Yukimura since he is becoming such a good friend for you."

"No way."

"Why not?"

"He might hit on you. You fall within his range; all the men I have seen him with were blond and really tall guys."

"Oh my, are you perhaps jealous?"

"Jealous? Hell no, but I am afraid. So afraid of Aomine killing me."

"Haha... he is not violent you know."

"He can be violent when it comes to you."

"Only if he is threatened with violence about me or he himself is attacked head on. Only then."

"That does not change the fact he is very scary. I still cannot forget that one time when I was having a brawl at that shabby bar, what was it called? Sakura? And he was like all indifferent till one of the man tried to pull you into our fight, then he turned into this savage beast. He kicked their ass so bad."

"And you kicked even more ass. Let's be real, he may be all big and strong and a little hot headed when it comes to things he cares deeply about, but he is still not better fighter than you. You are an amazing fighter and like you are even trained in karate professionally. And you probably beat up more people that time than him."

"Nope, but you are right, I could... I was just too busy trying to protect Shin-chan."

"Hahaha... God, I remember now... it was hilarious. Why does he suck so much at brawls? I mean, if push comes to shove, even I fight better than him."

"Why do you say '_even_'? You are probably the scariest of us all, you are all passive aggressive and calm and charming till _bam_, you lose it, and you can go completely batshit crazy and do things nobody expects. You are kind of like a yandere too when it comes to Aomine, it is scary sometimes you know."

"Says the guy who can pretty much fight and win about 3 people twice his size at the same time."

"Hey, that time, they were making fun of Shin-chan's chastity."

Kise just burst out laughing at that,

"God you are going to kill me from laughing Taka-chan, what are you, guardian of Midorimacchi's chastity? They were just mocking him being a virgin, that's all..."

"No it is not. What if the embarrassment was too much and Shin-chan just decided to lose his virginity right away then? What would I, the one who had been targeting that particular virginity for years, do then?" Takao said a little dramatically, now laughing too. Kise couldn't reply for a few seconds as tears came to his eyes from laughing,

"You are crazy... really. And Midorimacchi is crazy too for staying single and virgin for years. Ah... I wonder if he is still a virgin. At that time I was sure he was asexual."

"Ki-chan, I like you, but I don't like even you wondering about Shin-chan's virginity."

"Aw, don't be mad. I am assuming this means you don't think he still is?"

"Well, at least he still is when it comes to being with a man. So in terms of what counts for me, he still should be a virgin."

"Hahaha... you should stop betting on that. You know, with the whole you moving on and stuff..."

"Yeah, I probably should. But damn, if this unrequited love ends without me even getting a kiss, forget that chiselled body, it is just such a shame you know..."

"I am sure he would not be good in bed anyway."

"Nah, he would be good."

"How can you say that? He was a virgin way into his adulthood at least, perhaps he still is... and he does not seem to be interested in sex in the least; he never was, even when he was an adolescent."

"Or maybe he was interested but was keeping it a secret from everyone else? In any case, sure, I also think he would suck the first time, a real disappointment. But you see, he is very aggressively competitive and such a perfectionist right? And he is so hard-working and dutiful too! He would probably work hard to improve himself, relentlessly and tirelessly try and try, research and research. And he would perfect it. I am sure."

"That actually sounds plausible."

"Of course it does, I have been in an unrequited love for this man over a decade. I came up with one or two highly plausible theories that help me ease the pain of platonic love."

"Wow Taka-chan, you are so great..."

They both laughed loudly at that but soon Kise caught his breath back and continued,

"Anyway, going back to our initial topic... You know part of the reason why I was thinking of you getting together with somebody was to see how Midorimacchi would actually react to that."

"Huh? Uh, he will probably be indifferent... Plus it's not like I have not been in any relationships before; I date a lot you know, usually... he never really cared much about my private life."

"I am sure he will not be indifferent. If he insisted this much on you getting a partner, it proves he is not indifferent. I think the reason he didn't care before was because you were only casually dating, it would be different if he thought you found 'the one'."

"Perhaps..." Takao mumbled.

Later, the week passed by smoother than Takao had expected, he had been extremely successful in disassociating his feelings and self from the matter of Midorima's engagement and marriage, to the point that he telephoned and inquired a couple of possible locations for the engagement party. He had to admit that part of the reason why he had been able to hold on to his sanity and calmness was Yukimura, who patiently and subtly took care of Takao; spending their lunch times together, making small talk and telling jokes, twice bringing bento specially for Takao, and one evening he even came over to teach how to cook a bit. There was a special fondness in the way Yukimura looked at him and Takao wondered whether or not the man was interested in him but he decided to ignore such suspicion; one would have to be crazy to have feelings for Takao knowing his situation with Midorima, especially now. Perhaps Yukimura was one of those extremely charming and nice characters one only saw in the films or stories.

Kise was also very supportive and kept sending messages of comfort and cheer almost every day despite his busy schedule, being loved and cared by Kise was something that would inevitably and undeniably make one happy; the man was a burst of sunshine and Takao understood a bit why he irritated Midorima so much though Midorima secretly felt closest to him after Akashi out of the "miracles". For if Kise was sunshine, Midorima was surely a cold rain of early November. When Friday came he braced himself and put up all his defences, he promised himself that he would not fall this time after their match with Midorima. Nothing Midorima could say would or could hurt him. He had thought of cancelling the game too but decided against it. He had not heard at all from Midorima all through the week so he was not sure just how much damage his abrupt leaving and emotional reaction to Midorima's cruel lecturing had caused and he wanted to mitigate it as best as he could. For that, meeting Midorima without disrupting their routine was a must. And it almost seemed as though everything was okay and Midorima had somehow not even cared about that little outburst: he was already at the gym when Takao arrived, made snide comments about him being late like always, they trained together a bit and did a quick warm up, then they played some one-on-one, then each trained some more separately. They changed and like always headed to a restaurant per Takao's suggestion of "I want to eat Italian today"... It was almost as if everything would be the same, "_perhaps everything is the same... perhaps he did not even care about my reaction then... perhaps he thought it was silly and pathetic and prefers to ignore it..._" Takao was thinking when the bill arrived. Like always, Midorima was about to take it when it hit Takao: he had to do something. He kept on talking about breaking out of this prison of a platonic love he had built himself but he had not done anything for it... if you do not count the torturous acceptance of arranging Midorima's engagement party. He had to do something, anything, small or insignificant maybe, but something... So he grabbed the bill and smiled at Midorima,

"Come on Shin-chan, you should stop pampering me... We are both working adults and I mostly drive you around anyway, sure you are a doctor but I earn quite a bit too you know..." he left his credit card between the little booklet that contained the bill and Midorima said nothing but a simple nod.

Just like that. It was that easy to break a little habit, a little piece of the link between them, a little part of the routine that kept them together so tightly... Takao smiled bitterly and hoped the waitress would soon come with the mobile pos machine. As the seconds somehow got longer in Takao's eyes, Midorima suddenly spoke:

"Is it because of my words the last time?"

"Huh?"

"Is that why you wanted to pay?"

"No. Why would you think so? I was thinking, for some time now that it was quite weird that you still always pay..."

"All right."

Another silence. The waitress came but without a terminal at hand, apologised and went back to bring it, Takao cursed inside, he somehow felt that he would hear something he did not want to if he stayed longer... Midorima broke the silence again,

"I was not trying to be mean."

"Huh?"

"Last week, when I said those words. I was not trying to hurt you or be mean."

"I know."

"I am getting engaged and I will be married soon and you –"

"Jeez Shin-chan, you really don't have to explain, I am telling you, I know. You know how my health is not great these days and your words did sound meaner and crueller than usual so I reacted on instinct. That's a–"

"No you don't get it. You don't know it."

Takao was stunned to see Midorima's face so pained, his voice was strained as he uttered those words, when he continued his voice was clearer and the apparent pain in his face slowly faded away but Takao was sure they existed – that he was not hallucinating,

"You... you don't get it. When I started thinking of being engaged and then marrying to Azumi, when I finally set up and cleared my mid-term life milestones, I realised how absent yours were... Kise and Aomine are inseparable, they are practically a married couple. And you are not really close with any other friend of yours, you hang out with them and you have fun but that's it. I started thinking just how you might feel left out in the future and I did not like that thought. I felt responsible, being... your mate, I felt responsible in pushing you towards the right direction. I know that it is not like me nor is it really my business to be concerned with your private affairs like this. My words may have sounded harsh too, I did not really mean to. But my intention was one of concern."

"You are concerned about me? You worry about me? Out of affection?"

For a second, Takao could swear, he saw a very slight blush on Midorima's cheeks and a flicker of surprise in his eyes, he probably had not planned to be interrogated like this so directly about his feelings and subconscious motivations, when he spoke his voice was as calm and serious as always though,

"You are what I have closest to what others might call a friend. Obviously, I uphold certain responsibilities in relation to that..."

Takao smiled, genuinely, sadly... The sadness part, Midorima must have realised for he looked at him a bit perturbed, he was about to make a comment when the waitress finally arrived, Takao entered his pin, made the payment, took the receipt and turned to Midorima,

"I have a friend over tonight to drink, so I have to hurry; I can still try to drop you off if you insist but we will have to hurry, or if you could... call a cab?"

It was a lie. He had said it so easily, he could not believe himself; he was both happy and sad that he had said it so easily, for it meant being untruthful to Midorima and he hated that but it also meant that Midorima would probably not recognise the lie – he often realised Takao's lies and the look in his eyes whenever he did pained Takao a bit always, especially when it came to lies like this that were made simply to avoid him. This time, it was not just a lie either; it was another link of the chain between them cracking. The first time, Takao was suggesting not to drop Midorima off to his home. Whenever they went out with a car, it was often Takao's and very rarely Midorima's regardless, one always dropped off the other. It was almost an unsaid rule and for that reason Takao would drive to most of their gatherings – to drive around Midorima. Midorima was perplexed a bit, Takao could see it, and it hurt his heart a bit, and also satisfied the anger inside him a little, seeing Midorima who was torturing him with his obliviousness for years to be nerved by this sudden rejection. But Midorima simply said "I'll take a cab". Nothing more or nothing less.

It was raining outside that night and as he drove in silence to his home, Takao could not help but wonder about Midorima... he loved the sight of dark green locks slightly wet, his face would get a little red from the cold and he was always very much irritated from the rain and cold but he would never show it; many times Takao dragged him outside in the rain solely to see that face, it was that beautiful in his eyes. A pain rose up in his chest and he questioned just why the heck he left the man behind, why did he have to cut this close tie that he has relied on so much, savoured so happily for many years... why did he have to abandon Midorima? But the bitterness in his mouth and mind slapped the spoilt lovesick child in him; how can you abandon someone you have not truly been together with in the first place? When he got home, he called Yukimura and asked to go out to the bar called Moonlight for Saturday night and he was able to discern what he thought was joy from Yukimura's voice but decided to not dwell much on it. He decided to focus on the work he had brought home – some papers that needed to be graded over the weekend, in the hopes that it would make him forget all about the spoilt lovesick child inside him...

"Why would he have a friend over?!" Midorima mumbled grumpily as he dried his wet hair; he hated his hair being wet and Takao's easygoing refusal of dropping him off had nerved him. It was natural and very common for Takao to childishly and halfheartedly whine about driving Midorima around and those rare times when Midorima actually drove them to a place, he would act like a spoilt child, but it was almost never that he would refuse seriously and coldly like this. The words he had uttered, his voice, his gaze they were all so sterile, like a doctor examining a tissue sample, yet also so natural... Midorima was not sure why he was so much more observant of Takao these days but the mere fact of his increased observance as well as Takao's increasingly out of ordinary attitude and actions troubled him. He decided to go to bed early and forget everything – these little details were not worth pondering on and on, he thought.

That night he saw Takao in his dream, the raven haired man was sitting on the floor in the middle of a basketball court inside an empty gymnasium and was crying his eyes out. Midorima was situated near him and wanted to pat on his shoulder, almost out of reflex, however just when he tried to reach with his hand he realised that there was some more distance between them. He stepped a bit closer, to reach closer to Takao but it looked as though he had moved further away. The more he tried to get closer, he was moving further and further and wails of Takao were heard less and less though Midorima could clearly see him still crying. He felt utterly despaired and useless, as he tried harder it seemed to repel more... then at one moment, Takao turned his face back and looked at Midorima, with eyes similar to those from a week ago, wet eyes of clear blue that Midorima for some reason found to be very aesthetically pleasing if also saddening. And gazing deep into those eyes silently for a few seconds Midorima was able to move closer in and just when he thought he had achieved it, he had won against the invisible forces that had repelled him away despite his strong will to move as he wanted, Takao whispered but with a voice so cold and venomous, akin to that of the chuckle from last week, Midorima was stunned where he was. Takao had said: "Go away" and suddenly Midorima found himself way far back again and Takao turned his back to him.

He woke up with sweat, unsure of the meaning of his dream but felt a need, an urgent and strong need to hear from Takao, of Takao. He was not sure what to do or what to say, he quickly checked the time, luckily it was still not very late since he had got into bed so early; it was near 11 pm and Midorima knew that Takao rarely slept before midnight normally. So he sent a text message, one as normal sounding as he could achieve at that hour,

"_Sorry for disturbing you in the late hour but I just remembered: I would like to meet with you this week. Before Friday. To discuss the matter of the engagement party location. I am free on Tuesday evening and then Wednesday morning till afternoon. Good night._"

He waited for a reply but did not receive one right away like usual, instead he had to toss and turn in bed for half an hour before he heard the familiar beep sound:

"_Sure. For now Wednesday midday sounds fine, I don't have any classes right before lunch break so I could come out for a quick lunch. Good night Shin-chan._"

It was not that Midorima did not catch the lack of the usual series of colourful emoticons and jokes in the reply, or that the reply was not immediate like almost always, he realised all of these but he had been so concerned and so irrationally worried that he chastised himself for acting so strangely and that everything was all right.

"Everything is all right" he mumbled as he tried to force himself to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

On Saturday evening, when Kise entered the bustling bar full of people in various colourful garments, elaborate costumes of stories of the old and times long ago, he was ecstatic.

"I knew coming here was a great idea! Oh My God, Aominecchi! Look at that person there! That helmet, she is definitely Athena!"

"Ugh... She looks weird. How do you know all this strange Greek names and stuff anyway?"

"Don't call it strange; it is Greek mythology. And unlike you, I read a bit, sometimes."

"Yeah, sure, I bet you learnt it all because you had a Greek mythology themed photoshoot or something."

"It was a Greek, Roman, and Egyptian mythology theme. And I rocked the looks. As you can still see."

"Yeah I figured. And whatever, if you feel comfortable in that weird thing, but did I really have to wear this? It looks... weird."

"God! Why do you have to complain?! It is perfect for you! With your sword and helmet and well crafted armour. Do you know how much I paid for that?"

"No I don't and I don't think I want to know... We could just go to one of the bars we always go you know, did we really have to come here?"

"Jeez Aominecchi! You are like an old man sometimes..."

"Oi! I am nothing like an old man..."

"Yeah, _sure_."

"And old man wouldn't be able to take care of you all night long y'know. Like I did last night."

"And that is exactly what an old man would say..."

"Huh?! No way..."

"Yes. Plus you have wrinkles."

"They are not wrinkles... of old age at least, it's just... because my face is like that..."

"It is not because 'your face is like that'; it is because you've donned this grumpy, half pissed half bored expression for most of the time since you were a teenager and that caused those weird wrinkles near your forehead."

Aomine unconsciously brought his hand over his "wrinkles", though they were covered by the ornate helmet he was wearing, and mumbled,

"Do they really look that bad?"

Kise giggled and wrapped his arm around Aomine's as he dragged him further into the club,

"I personally grew very fond of them over the years. To me they are a proof of how you are my Grumpy Bear."

"What? I am what?"

"Grumpy Bear."

"What the heck is that?"

"It is a bear, duh! He is blue too."

"I don't look like a bear..."

"Oh, really now?"

Kise was laughing wholeheartedly and Aomine was partially irritated and partially amused so he just "tch"ed a little loudly as a response and at that moment Kise saw the second reason why he had been so adamant in coming to this particular club: Takao Kazunari was standing near the bar area talking with a tall man who had reddish brown hair. "Yukimura Kaede!" thought Kise and smirked, walking up towards them while dragging Aomine alongside and just when he was within their sight, he shouted a little loudly,

"Taka-chan!"

Takao could never, would never mistake the cheerful voice that reminded one of birds tweeting in a lovely Spring morning, he turned his gaze towards where the voice was coming and gave a look of judgement alongside happiness: "Ki-chan!"

"Oh I see..." was what Aomine mumbled, irritated a bit.

"I never thought I'd meet you here!" Kise exclaimed once he was near Takao, and as if in a choir, both Takao and Aomine mumbled in unison,

"Sure..."

"Oh come on..."

Takao giggled and hugged the blond while Aomine carefully detached himself from Kise,

"It is great to see you regardless. And you look fabulous!"

"You yourself too! Let me guess: Date Masamune!"

"Wow, how did you guess it? Eye patch? I didn't even wear the iconic helmet so that it wouldn't be so easy to catch!"

"Ah you see, I am not just a pretty face, I do read now and then."

"He played the role of Date Masamune for a series of adverts a few years ago. Plus we used to play a lot of Sengoku Basara."

"Aominecchi!"

"Why? Is it a lie?"

"Jeez, you're so mean..."

Kise pouted a little while Takao laughed,

"You are amazing Ki-chan... oh, but I can guess both of you very easily too!"

"Is that so? Well I think they particularly suit us so it must not be hard, especially for a historian like yourself"

"Ah, I am a mere history teacher, please. And yeah, I agree that they particularly suit you too: you are Apollo, the Greek god of the light and sun, of arts and sports, and a perfection of youth. And Aomine is Ares, the Greek god of... war. It suits him a lot actually."

"It suits me? I am not even a violent person. Why would it suit me?!"

"Well you definitely have the potential and you always look angry and ferocious."

Aomine was about to retort to Takao but then Kise almost hopped a little further and offered his hand to a bit amused a bit surprised Yukimura,

"Ah how rude of us not introducing ourselves properly! I am Kise Ryouta, Takao's close friend. And this is Aominecch- I mean Aomine Daiki."

"Ah, no problem. I am Yukimura Kaede, a friend and colleague of Takao's."

The name "Yukimura Kaede" flashed in Aomine's mind and he knew right away just what was going on: it wasn't only to see Takao that Kise had dragged him here, it was also to see this man. He was sure that he had heard his name while Kise was complaining about yet another complexity Takao was facing in his seemingly endless platonic love for the weirdest dork around, Midorima Shintarou. He reluctantly shook Yukimura's hand; it was not that he had a particular dislike for the man, he was just really tired of Takao's crush on Midorima and anything related to it bothered him a bit.

"So I guess you finally managed to get Aomine to agree to come here, huh? How did you guys get the tickets?"

"Well, I pulled some strings, being in the entertainment industry helps you know" Kise winked and Yukimura couldn't help but think that "that explains": blond was strikingly good looking and had a charismatic and charming nature. Takao explained further,

"You see Yuki, Ki-chan is a model and Aomine is a professional basketball player."

"Oh wow!"

"Yeah right! I have all these extraordinary friends. I even know the Vice President of the Akashi Corporation. You could say I am the most ordinary among this folk!"

"Ah please, you are nothing but ordinary Taka-chan" Kise chimed in and Aomine followed,

"Plus, to be frank, I don't think anybody who is not a greedy bastard or an utter fool would actually want to know or be acquainted with Akashi."

"Oh, I'll tell that to Akashicci the next time I see him!"

"So what... it's not like... I am afraid of him."

"Oh you should be. Even Shin-chan is still a little afraid of him."

"I concur. Akashicchi: definitely somebody to be afraid of."

"Whatever..." Aomine mumbled grumpily and inside he knew that the young "lord" of the famous international enterprise was indeed somebody to be afraid of even if their ties were much better now compared to high school and the redhead was also much less serious.

"Ah enough about us and our quirky little troupe. So, um Yukimura-san? What do you do?"

Kise said with eyes sparkling with curiosity as he started sipping from the newly arrived cocktail that Aomine had ordered for him – a Sex on the Beach, one of Kise's favourite cocktails, while Aomine himself had a Dry Martini.

"Well, I am a teacher."

"Yeah you did say you were a colleague; what do you teach?"

"PE"

"How nice! Are you fond of sports by any chance? Do you play any?"

Takao rolled his eyes slightly but he was more amused than irritated at the mock interrogation Kise was doing and really, Kise's acting skills were amazing when he wanted them to be; nobody would guess from his gestures that he actually knew all of these pieces of information he was asking Yukimura, because, in all frankness, he had learnt everything Takao knew about Yukimura already from Takao. At that moment, Takao found that it was perhaps more interesting to watch Aomine who obviously hated it whenever his boyfriend worked his charm over other people – other men, to be specific – but acted as though he did not care at all: he was idly watching the dance floor and the strangers in various outfits. The theme of the night was myths and the figures of the past and quite a few people had gone all out like Kise did; their costumes were very elaborate. Not that interested Aomine much, he simply needed something else to focus on.

"Yes, I like being active... I like baseball the most, I played as a pitcher during high school and university."

"Baseball huh? Do you still play?"

Takao gave a knowing glance to Kise who continued acting so innocently curious that Takao thought Kise would make an amazing secret spy.

"Uh, well I do play for fun... with my friends from university now and then. Oh and I coach our school's high school team. It is really fun."

"I am sure it is. I love sports by the way, I've been rather talented at them all my life. But my favourite is basketball; I was actually a basketball player till the end of high school. That's how I met all others and Taka-chan. Ah Aominecchi was the one who introduced me to basketball, really..." Kise smiled and turned his gaze to Aomine for a second, pointing his finger playfully to the tall ace who was still watching the dance floor rather indifferently and hearing Kise's comment just nodded. At that moment, before Takao or anybody else could realise, Kise had realised something crucial that called for a quicker end to his little interrogation even though he enjoying it quite a bit.

"It is nice getting to know you but hey, we came here to have fun partying, right? Sorry but I'll be stealing Taka-chan!" Kise said smiling devilishly and dragged a surprised Takao to the dance floor and just when they were about to reach the middle of it, he gave a side glance that neither Takao nor Yukimura registered fully, but Aomine caught it right away and knew what was going on very well. As he had been aimlessly gazing upon the dance floor, his eyesight had fallen squarely onto the exposed bosom of a lovely lady in Victorian garb, the intricate corset she wore only helping to punctuate her large breasts. While Kise often joked about Aomine's little fetish, he would be seriously jealous due to it sometimes and jealousy of Kise was never a simple and blunt fight of words; oh no, it was an intricate dance of vengeance and a sharp play of displeasure. Aomine swallowed with anxiety as he focused his eyes on Kise who was now dancing with Takao and gulped down his drink, and asked for another.

"Wow... they really know how to dance huh?"

"Well one is a professional model who can pretty much copy any dance he wants to try and the other... the other is pretty much a freak of nature who loves to party – he can party for a whole day without getting tired."

"You are referring to... Takao?"

"Yeah." Aomine grumbled, Takao and Kise were giggling too much; it was sincere giggling too. Not that Aomine minded them having fun but knowing the greater context of it, he knew soon things he would mind would happen... "One wonders how he could stick with that dork all these years" Aomine mumbled within his mouth and never imagined Yukimura to be able to hear it but he somehow did,

"Are you, by any chance, referring to um... Shin-chan?"

"Huh? You know about him?"

"Yeah... You do as well, I guess?"

"I went to same middle school with him, Midorima Shintarou, he is called by the way, not 'Shin-chan'. Only Takao calls him that. We were in the same basketball team too. He was... pretty decent. Then for high school he went to Shuutoku where Takao met him and they became team mates."

"Oh so that's how you know him... and that's what Kise-san meant with 'meeting all others and Takao'... Takao had mentioned about Kise-san before, they are best friends I guess, huh?"

"Unfortunately, yes. Well, Midorima trumps all in Takao's life but oh well." Aomine said, a little dazed, Kise was dancing in a sexually alluring manner and each move of his body was reminding something else to Aomine, of moments shared together, of passionate moments from the past and the recent...

"So... you guys are all pretty close then?" Yukimura asked, he sounded a little anxious and when Aomine turned his face he realised that the man had his eyes glued over Takao. Aomine smirked at that a bit – he found anybody who would be able to overlook somebody like Kise and look at somebody else when Kise was dancing like that to be an utter fool, but it was nice that the man was an utter fool. Not that Takao was not attractive, he was very attractive, and Aomine was obviously biased but he still thought that Kise would be the immediate attention grabber.

"Not really. Kise is Takao's friend, I guess I just come with the package."

"Oh..."

"I am Kise's boyfriend."

"I see..."

"You are gay, aren't you?"

"Huh? Well yeah... but how did you guess it?"

"You weren't surprised at all to my statement. Plus, you have been watching Kise and Takao dance rather provocatively without any surprise in your face or voice."

"Ah... you are observant."

"Not really. Probably only because it involved Kise."

"Ah I see..."

"You know, Takao is a very straight forward person."

"So?"

"So, if you want something with him, you should go for it head on."

"Oh, and you say you are not observant?"

"You are just too obvious. Takao probably already guesses but he does not like his friends coming onto him much so he is probably ignoring it unknowingly."

"And you say you are not that close with Takao?"

"I am not but unfortunately Kise is so I am bombarded with random fact like this every day. Whatever. Not trying meddle in your affairs. I don't care at all, to be honest. I'd just be happy if he found somebody else to vent with, instead of Kise. Whether as a friend or boyfriend, does not matter for me."

"Uh I see... Thanks for the advice... But you know, it is just... now is not a good time for him. I feel I especially cannot now..."

"Oh... so you know? He told you?"

"Um, yeah? I know he has been 'troubled' for a long time and it is especially bad 'now'."

"Wow, you really don't need to talk in code. You know, pretty much all of us know that Takao is head over heels for Midorima."

"Huh? Really? He told me he told nobody but Kise-san."

"Yeah, he did not but Midorima is not a guy you would glue yourself to for years unless you are madly in love with him so it was always rather obvious to those of us who knew both... Why would anybody be madly in love with Midorima in the first place is a big mystery though."

"Is he that bad?"

"Not bad necessarily he is just... weird. Yeah, that's it: super weird."

"I see..."

After a pause of silence Aomine said in a quite voice,

"If you wait for him to be over Midorima, you may have to wait a lot. If you think time will work for your advantage, you are wrong. Anyway, I don't believe in passivity in love."

Yukimura played around with the highball glass in his hands, devoid of any drink for some time now, as his eyes followed each and every move of Takao's body, who by now was being caressed rather intimately by Kise as part of their little play... at one point Kise slightly made a hump movement and even though body of the neither touched each other it was evoking enough for Yukimura to utter a "Wow" and Aomine to angrily grumble a "just kill me already" and he stomped across to the dance floor, leaving his half full martini on the bar, and stuck himself between Kise and Takao rather forcefully, giving a particularly disgruntled look at Takao who received it with a cheeky wink and a slight chuckle as he moved away.

"You are such a handful Kise..."

"Oh but not a handful that is nice to feel on the hands right, Aominecchi? Not all soft and smooth... like a pretty female bosom would be."

"Hmm, I don't know, you feel very soft and smooth to me and it feels nice to have my hands on you..." Aomine mumbled with a deep voice as he placed his hands on Kise's thin waist softly and gripped a little stronger as he pronounced the last few words, which surprised Kise a bit and a small blush formed on his cheeks,

"Aominecchi..."

"Oh look at that, are you shy? You didn't look shy at all shaking all you've got so crazily a minute ago... I can't help but wanting to devour you and then you guys call me 'ferocious', is it possible to be any other way with you?"

"Ah shut up..."

Kise said a little timidly and a little playfully and Aomine chuckled silently at that.

"They are so beautiful together, aren't they?" Takao said a little dazed as he watched Aomine and Kise dance a little slower than rest of the people.

"I guess so..."

"I sometimes envy them so much... they have been together for almost a decade, you know."

"Wow, really?"

"Yeah. It takes a lot of effort... and they both lead such public lives normally. But they still manage it."

"Taka-chan..."

"Yes?"

Takao did not break away his sight from Kise and Aomine and for the first time, in a long time, the sight of the beautiful couple did not make him imagine a similar sight of himself with Midorima, instead he was in a daze of sad sentimentality, if he knew what Yukimura was to utter, he would face Yukimura and look deeply and intently in his eyes for out of blue Yukimura uttered something that disturbed Takao greatly,

"Would you like to go out with me?"

"Huh?"

Takao turned his bewildered face to Yukimura, honestly, he was surprised for he had tried his best to ignore all the small signs Yukimura was giving and this was rather abrupt.

"Sorry for saying so suddenly. I like you a lot, since the first time I've met you."

"You do realise that I am a man who is still in love with his high school crush of over 10 years? An unrequited love?"

"Yes."

"How can you live with that? How can you accept that?"

"I don't know but I can try, most importantly I can try to help you get over him?"

"We are colleagues..."

"I think we are both mature enough to ensure that even if it fails, it will not affect our work environment."

Takao was silent for a second and turned his gaze back to Kise and Aomine, who were dancing very slowly and intimately to the slow and tender tune of the song that was playing now, very different than the upbeat clubbing regulars of the minutes before.

"No."

"Are you sure? Is there no chance?"

"Yes I am sure and no, there is no chance. I like you a lot as a friend Yuki and if we went out I would hurt you, I know I would and I do not want to. You would grow bitter, even if you did not want to, it is natural and I don't want to see you bitter..."

"I think I can handle it..."

"Perhaps, but I do not want you to handle it, go through it at all. And look, I tried this before: jumping into relationships to forget Shin-chan. And I even thought of it as a possibility these few days too. But now I realise it more than ever that no, I cannot run away, I cannot use another person as a shelter, I have to face my destiny myself, I have to end this myself. It will not work, I will not forget Shin-chan because of you or somebody else because none of you are him and I will only look for him in you... It is unfair, it is cruel, and I will not do that to you. I am sorry but really, there is no chance."

"I see... Okay then."

Yukimura paused for a second and then asked:

"Can we stay as friends?"

"If you agree, that would be my wish. But if you feel that is cruel, I can try to keep my distance with you from now on too... Because really, I will only be involved with you as a friend."

"No, I don't think it is cruel. And I think I can forget you even if we stay as friends. I am not yet deeply in love with you after all and it will not be the first time I got rejected by a friend. Don't worry about me."

"Okay, I am glad then because I really like you as a friend. But do tell me if you wish to stay away, I will respect that. I understand the troubles of unrequited affection the most. And I really am sorry..."

And Takao gulped the last drops of his drink as he continued staring at his friends dancing, the smile on his face was tinged with sadness. Yukimura now also had his eyes glued on Kise and Aomine and felt a deep envy; "_how lucky_" he thought.


	8. Chapter 8

_Some Akashi now (because Akashi makes any Kurobasu fanfic better), and the next chapters will have all the GoM as well as some of the other regulars... _

* * *

"So you rejected him? And he was that cute too! Both in personality and looks. I mean I like Midorimacchi you know but I must admit, if I was to choose somebody I would choose Yukimura over Midorimacchi any day. No offence."

"None taken. I do know that my tastes are a bit strange. And you should really not say that anywhere near Aomine."

"Haha, he would just grumble a bit. He deserves it too, he does talk about breasts sometimes even at his age now, you know? I am afraid that he will never grow out of that bratty fetish of his, he will be like ninety and he will still be talking about just how glorious a soft and large bosom is."

"Jeez... you with your examples, I'll die from laughing... Anyway, yeah, I hope we will be able to stay as friends with Yukimura because he really helped me a lot these past few weeks. Luckily it was mostly normal this week at the school."

"I am glad to hear that... And how was your meeting with Midorimacchi? You didn't say much on the phone yesterday, just said that it was okay?"

"But that was really it: 'okay'. We talked about some of the places I found and he already chose one of them so all that is left is to negotiate and the minor arrangements. We only talked about these kind of things, a quick lunch no more than an hour long..."

"Wow, you really are trying to move away from him huh? What kind of a place did he choose?"

"I am trying... Uh, it is this fancy French restaurant. Actually, I had specifically chosen a classy old-fashioned Japanese restaurant, I think it matched Shin-chan's style more but apparently his bride's family likes Western styled places and lifestyle more so he preferred the French one even if he eyed the Japanese restaurant all the while. It was funny. And you know, I am saying I am trying to move on and all but really, while he was doing that all I could think in my mind was: 'now you see, you can't even choose what you like stupid Shin-chan, if I was your partner I would choose what you liked the most for you, not the other way around'! Gosh... am I pathetic?"

"Nah, you are just in love and that is so cute... Well, bear with it, you are doing great so far."

"Yeah I hope so" Takao smiled a little sadly but appreciating Kise's kindness. Kise had asked him out for dinner on Thursday night, Aomine was apparently out in a business dinner. Takao was thankful for the offer, not that his week had gone bad, it had been decent and he had felt less stressed out about Midorima's engagement issue, still it was nice to talk openly and relax with a friend.

The next day Takao went to his meeting with Midorima via public transport and later made up the lie of his car making weird noises. It was a stupid lie and he was not sure if Midorima caught on to it, he just hoped not. He truly hated lying to Midorima but he also wanted to avoid spending time with him alone in such an enclosed space and he also believed that stopping driving Midorima around would be a good change to their strange symbiotic life. Despite his own worries, he realised how tired Midorima's eyes looked, the slight bags underneath his eyes, and a very prominent grouch unlike his normal state of pure indifference. In normal circumstances, Takao would be extremely curious and also slightly worried and drag Midorima around all night in attempts to cheer him up and also make him spill the beans about just what has been going wrong. However, now Takao decided that he would not open up the topic: if Midorima had an issue in his life, he would have to discuss it with somebody else. Anybody but Takao for he felt that any extra care and affection he showered Midorima with now, would return to him as a greater desire to stay attached to the green haired man. Without a car, they opted to have sandwiches as dinner from the nearby Subway instead of going to a proper restaurant and after eating quickly each went to their separate ways. They did not talk much apart from some small talk attempts on Takao's side and also a few questions Midorima raised regarding the engagement party organisation. It was awkward and anything more awkward than the unusual silence and reluctance to speak was Midorima's stare. Throughout the evening Midorima stared at Takao with a gaze that Takao was not familiar with: one could read worry and concern from it and it was extremely intense to the point that Takao who almost never avoided facing Midorima tried to find ways to avoid looking at his face, which proved to be especially stupid and fatal during their basketball game and at one point caused Midorima to scold him angrily to take the game seriously...

As he spent time in a near by bookstore, to avoid taking the same train with Midorima home since they lived rather close, Takao decided to ask for Kise's help with the rest of the arrangements for the engagement party and swore himself to not dwell on just why Midorima looked so troubled and why he stared at him so intently...

Well, even if he had asked Midorima, he would not get a proper answer for really, Midorima did not know why either. Indeed, the intense gaze itself was perhaps a way of searching for an answer for Midorima, who had kept having dreams of Takao all week long almost every night. He had absolutely no idea why the raven haired man kept appearing in his dreams and each was even more bizarre than the previous. The crux of the issue was that dreams were a serious matter for Midorima Shintarou as he genuinely believed that they were signs of Fate and not just ramblings of his unconscious desires and troubles, so the idea that the Fate had chosen to show him Takao Kazunari again and again in his dreams surely meant something and he had to decipher it but just how, God how! He kept observing his friend much more closely than ever but could not see anything that could give a clue to his dreams other than the obviously distant attitude of Takao, which Midorima could not understand either but was not sure if it was at all, in any way related to his dreams. He was also keenly aware that Takao had lied about his car, "_Perhaps he is tired of driving me around..._" he thought as he walked to the train station, but that would not really explain why Takao had also avoided taking the train back with him and instead insisted that he had to visit a bookstore... He tried to think of something else, anything but Takao for God knows he had thought about Takao all week long and he was going nearly crazy. After today's meeting gave no other clues, he just wanted to think of other things and hope that night he would not be dreaming of the man. Unfortunately or perhaps fortunately, his hopes were shattered as he dreamed of Takao that night again. It was not so bizarre though, almost as if the Fate had decided to calm his heart a bit, he saw what was half his memories of a past holiday with Takao in Spain and half surreal scenes of pure imagination... at one point in his dream Takao smiled genuinely and happily and Midorima could not tell whether it was actually from his memories or an addition of the dream world, regardless that particular scene reminded him just how long it had been since he had last seen Takao smile so happily and sincerely... and he wondered why.

The new week started with Kise helping Takao to negotiate a good price with the French restaurant where Midorima's engagement party would be held. Midorima was notified and he made a wire payment within the same day. Kise and Takao also decided on the menu for Midorima left that decision to them since he confessed that he did not know what would be the proper meal nor what to take note of when preparing. Thus, the only help the duo received was a list of allergies and specific dislikes regarding her own family from Azumi. The week was spent in a whirlpool of running around for Takao and when he finally received the formal invitation to Midorima's engagement party on Thursday, he smiled at the card in his hand sadly. This was the only part of the whole thing that Midorima did himself and it was really the most trivial part, simply a matter of an order via an online website. Then, early Friday, he also learnt that their routine game was cancelled for the week; Azumi's family had requested Midorima to visit them before the engagement party – which was to take place in a week – and apparently her father would be available only right away that night for he was extremely busy. Midorima's voice was unperturbed but Takao could tell he was irritated, still he himself was content; he had not realised it while running errands for it but now that he had the invitation in his hand, he was not feeling very good. Yukimura was his saver though, again, as he called that night and they went out drinking, but even the usual sweetness of Yukimura was not enough. Then – the Goddesses of Fate must have been very good on Takao that day – Kise called, he had just received his invitation as well and wanted to meet Takao, guessing that his friend was drowning his sorrows in alcohol somewhere. Since Takao felt especially needy that night, he gave the address of the bar and Kise arrived an hour later, unexpectedly with Aomine tagged along. So the four spent most of the Friday night together at a classy jazz bar downtown.

"I cannot believe he actually made a real invitation. Like a card. A real card. A physical card. I mean it is not really needed, is it? It is not like it's a wedding... And even weddings these days often use electronic invitations and stuff."

"Hah, aren't you the one who orders all those cutesy invitations even for your birthdays? Worse: even for mine."

"Shut up Aominecchi! We are talking about Midorimacchi now, not me. It is just not his style..."

"I think he was just trying for it to be as formal as possible, he asked me if it was a good idea and I said 'yeah' so... whatever. It does look nice doesn't it?"

"Nope, I did not like it."

"Really? When you first saw it, before reading, weren't you the one going 'Oh My God this is so cute!'?"

"Aominecchi!"

Takao giggled at that a bit,

"You don't have to be nice Ki-chan..."

"I am not being 'nice'... it is just... okay, yes, I like invitations and I like stylish or cute things but you know what, none of these actually cause joy in me – even in me – because well, you know why."

"I know."

"Well it is stupid but it was bound to happen so whatever..."

"Jeez Aominecchi, you don't have to be so harsh."

"He is being realistic though. I knew from the beginning that Shin-chan would eventually find a nice girl to marry."

"No offence to Azumi-chan, she is all prim and proper but she is not nice at all."

"So, a perfect match for Midorima." Aomine laughed as he sipped from his drink and Kise glared at him a little but Takao only chuckled at that, whether out of despair or amusement it was not apparent,

"And he sent me an invitation for two... can you believe it?!" Takao sighed and took a large mouthful from his wine,

"Oh... Really? He sent us only one invitation to me only actually, it does say I can bring a plus one, but there was no invitation for Aominecchi."

"Which means I don't have to go, nice."

"Of course you will go – you are my plus one."

"Ugh, do I have to? Do you have to go? It is going to be so stupid and slow and stuffy... we can just spend the day somewhere else and tell him that we were sick or something."

"Aominecchi we have to be there! We are his friends. We are Takao's friends too!"

"Whatever..."

After giving another dirty and angry glance to Aomine, Kise smiled Takao back,

"Why don't you take Yukimura with you?"

"Huh? Me?" Yukimura who was left out of the conversation for quite a bit by now and was silently listening in was surprised and Takao thought about it for a second,

"Yeah, why not Yukimura? I mean it is better than you going alone and you could bring another friend if you would like but since Yukimura knows your situation, he would be a good support I think."

"Ah, I wouldn't want to pressure or disrupt Takao, maybe he wanted to go alone or with somebody else."

"Nope actually, I was thinking of bringing a friend along – I mean if we are going to eat at a fancy restaurant on Shin-chan's tab for the occasion of his engagement, hell yeah I am doing anything to increase that tab. If you would like to come, we can go together Yuki."

"Yeah, actually, I would really like to."

Kise giggled,

"You are curious about Midorimacchi, right?"

"Ah well..."

"He is just a stoic weird guy" Aomine mumbled,

"He is a super tsundere! He is even taller than Aomine and me and he has a lovely shade of green hair! Oh and he wears eyeglasses." Kise counted,

"Hah... when you talk about him like that he sounds like an anime character you know" Aomine chuckled to which Takao also joined him,

"Or a manga character. And add me into the fold, we would make one hell of a BL manga actually... a decade old platonic love and stuff..."

"I never thought of it like that but wow yeah I actually read quite a few stuff like that, it does sound like one of those!"

"Ki-chan that's not a good thing you know... it doesn't make me happy... I was saying it sarcastically."

"Wait wait, Kise, you read BL manga?! Isn't that stuff for like women and girls?"

"Yeah and Jump is for teenagers and young boys but you still read it. I do too. So what?"

Aomine couldn't come up with a comeback for that and all started laughing.

The night had been fun for Takao and he spent rest of his weekend lazying around at home as well, not particularly distressed to be honest, though he was feeling rather numb. For Midorima Shintarou, though, the whole weekend including the Friday night was a huge disaster. He had to admit that he did not like his parents-in-law much, it was not their stuffiness that bothered Midorima, if anything he welcomed it, but it was their rigidity in their opinions and the tendency to force them on everyone. If Midorima was a very young man, he could understand the need the elders feel to guide the younger ones but he was nearing thirty now and did not need to have someone older to shove their ideas and beliefs down his throat. He tried his best to not show his dissatisfaction though; over the years he had learnt that his honest (and sometimes not-so-honest) show of displeasure was not very convenient especially towards authority figures. He had learnt it the hard way during Medical School and now, even Midorima Shintarou knew a few things about political correctness and how he had to swallow his pride now and then for the sake of civility. His parents-in-law had especially liked his choice of restaurant though, which was a good thing but somehow it did not make Midorima happy. He would really prefer to have it in the traditional Japanese restaurant Takao himself had offered as his preference, after so many years it was not surprising that Takao knew very well what Midorima liked and it was indeed a very lovely restaurant, he was surprised that he had never visited it before or knew about it. However, despite his fondness of the location he knew his soon-to-be bride's family would prefer the French restaurant over it and he relented; not that he did not like French food, he liked it quite a bit... He was not even sure why he was stuck over this little detail, truthfully normally he would not even care where the thing was held, it was just part of the "procedure" anyway, however this slight wilfulness had grown in him, "_perhaps Takao's wilfulness is rubbing on me_" he thought. Then he decided in his mind that he would go for dinner to that nice Japanese restaurant with Takao, yeah, Takao would like it.

Midorima had to work that weekend due to abrupt changes in staff, thanks to God at least his much reduced sleeping hours meant heavy sleeps of pure darkness and no bizarre dreams. He had believed that the dreams had gone forever but by Monday when he returned back to his normal routine, the dreams came back as well, embellishing his nights with a mysterious discomfort and longing he could not get away from. As if the dreams were not torturing him enough, Takao out of blue had cancelled their basketball meet on Friday evening, claiming that he had stuff to do before the engagement party and also that it was better for them to focus for the big day on Sunday instead of tiring their bodies out on Friday evening before. Midorima could not understand the rationale behind this fully and he was looking forward to seeing Takao as the dreams were creating this constant sense of loss and concern deep inside him and seeing Takao, he had hoped, would reassure him a little, even if they stayed awkwardly silent or he gave the most intense glances he had ever given to Takao. It was also strange for Takao to avoid him like that via a simple text message so Midorima tried to call him a few times but the calls were not picked up at all. Only, by the night of Thursday he received yet another text from Takao apologising for not picking up the calls, blaming his packed schedule and the loud music in the club he later went with the friends. Midorima was not convinced – and really, he should not have been because Takao had lied, he had purposefully not picked up Midorima's calls just to avoid a confrontation about this consecutive cancelling of their Friday meets.

Midorima felt as though he was in the middle of a major depression and he did not know why and it really disturbed him. So instead of brooding by himself at home without finding a way out this oddly agitated state, he called Akashi to have a chess game with him on Friday night. For some reason, Akashi sounded amused but accepted his invitation. Now, Midorima was fond of playing chess, whether the international chess or the Japanese shogi, and Go as well, and he was particularly fond of playing it against Akashi who was truly and undoubtedly and unsurprisingly the most talented person he had ever played against. However, the reason behind his sudden invitation was not a sudden craving of chess. Surely and obviously, Akashi also knew this.

"So what is it that you would like to discuss with me only a day before your engagement, Shintarou?" Akashi said, calmly before sipping a few drops of his green tea. Midorima sighed,

"I wanted to play chess." and made a move finally, after thinking about it for the last ten minutes or so. Akashi, simply smiled at this and moved a piece almost without any thinking, as though it was just the natural flow of events and Midorima was surprised at the attack he definitely had not foreseen,

"You wanted to lose, you mean?"

"I never play to lose."

"Yet you always lose... I appreciate and am very fond of your ambitious and relentless nature though. Never getting enough of losing, always trying again. So, what is it that is troubling you so much that you wanted to see me? Even a dumb person would be able to see the bags under your eyes from lack of sleep and your scowl is deeper than ever."

"I am a little depressed."

"Hmm... what is making you depressed about Kazunari?"

"I did not say it was about... Takao."

"But it is. And there is something wrong in your relationship with Kazunari too, isn't there?"

"You are just making things up."

"Explaining the details would be too bothersome, but even a fool could conjure at least that if you were depressed Kazunari would do his best to cheer you up and glue himself to you as though you two are the Siamese twins. But he has not. Because if he has, you would have grown out of this depression for Kazunari, over the years, has perfected the art of making you happy and content. I admire that talent of his, I doubt anybody else in the world has it. I must admit, even I probably cannot match him in that and if I cannot, nobody could."

Midorima shifted restlessly in his seat, the teahouse-slash-cafe Akashi had told them to meet was a lovely place with a serene silence and a subtle smell of delicious green tea mixed with both cinnamon and coffee beans; it was one of those new "fusion" type of places where they mixed and matched various cultures. Regardless, it was a calm and peaceful place though Midorima did not feel any peace at all at that moment.

"I have been seeing Takao in my dreams lately..."

"Lately as in, a few weeks I assume."

"Yes. And they are very... bizarre. And often involve us separating."

Akashi chuckled at this genuinely, which was really a sight to see; the man had learnt to be more expressive of his emotions over the years after high school but it was still not very much part of his character and Midorima had to admit that despite that it sounded nice... Takao would even call it cute, probably.

"You are always too obvious and too oblivious, Shintarou."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Never mind that and tell me what do you do normally on your Fridays?"

"I believe you already know."

"Of course, I do, but I would like to hear it again if possible."

Midorima groaned a little and answered as he moved one of his pieces forward as well,

"On Friday evenings, I meet with Takao to play basketball."

"Then?"

"Then we go to dinner together and sometimes to drinking afterwards... well, he drinks, I just drink red bean soup."

"Lovely. How many times do you speak with Kazunari in a day?"

"Normally he calls me once or twice at least. I don't call him unless needed or we are supposed to meet."

"Oh and how many times do you meet in a week, other than your regular Friday meetings?"

"Well depends but usually twice. Sometimes more."

"I see. And how many times does Kazunari contact you during the day other than telephoning?"

"He usually sends around 3-4 messages... He tweets a lot about me or to me too."

Akashi smiled as he made another move which put Midorima in a very, very bad position in their game and the silence ensued,

"So?"

"So?"

"Why did you ask all those questions?"

"I wonder why..."

"Okay, so I spend a lot of time with him."

"Oh, so you do realise that? I guess even your obliviousness has its limits. But do tell me, how many times did you talk with Kazunari this week? Or how many times did you meet him? Or how many messages did he send you today? Or did he ever mention you in a tweet this whole week?"

Midorima was irritated,

"He has been busy... I know that. It is partly because he has been busy arranging my engagement party. Also... I do know that these days for some reason he prefers to stay away..."

"'For some reason'? Shintarou, you are taking your first step towards marriage."

"Yes?"

"You are not an adolescent anymore. More and more things have been popping up in your life as you've grown older and older and they will only increase tremendously after marriage, it is obvious and understandable that the part that Kazunari occupies in your life is getting smaller, drastically smaller after your recent decision."

Midorima felt very displeased hearing this from Akashi for honestly it was very sensible and understandable and not something he would not think of but it still disturbed him and scared him in the core; he would never admit it to anyone but his life had been almost designed around Takao for some time now, and while he had rejected this design vehemently earlier in his teenage years, as years went by he had become accustomed to it, grew within it so comfortably that it was just how he lived his life. The idea that this would be shattered somehow was terrifying to him in a way that he really did not want to acknowledge. And that was exactly why hearing it from Akashi was especially distressing, for truth be told he secretly believed Akashi to be either the best psychological profiler or the best psychic to have ever lived: his words would almost always come true or were already true.

"Whatever." was the sole thing Midorima could utter in complete defeat.

"Fine, if you would prefer to simply ignore it, I am fine with it but obviously you do not want to ignore it, hence the dreams – you must be overthinking them, regarding them as some mysterious message from the Fate or something, but truthfully speaking, they must be nothing but screams and cries of your subconscious. In any case, you are apparently not fine with simply ignoring it that you asked me to play chess with you..."

And Akashi made his fatal move on the board which troubled Midorima only further and caused him to glare at Akashi.

"Don't glare at me, glare at the truth." Akashi said with a smirk and gulped down a few drops from his tea slowly.

After a minute of silence Midorima finally talked,

"What do I do?"

"What can you do? Your life is defined. His life is defined. It is inevitable..." Akashi paused for a second and with a subtle sarcasm in his voice, added "Don't you think so?". It seemed that he was almost testing Midorima but Midorima was not sure what it was all about so he was only puzzled by the question,

"I... I guess so."

Akashi chuckled at that and this time it was a vain chuckle that was almost mocking Midorima,

"If you say so."

"What do you-"

"Well, since our game is finished, I think we should call it a night. I have quite a few affairs I have to wrap up tonight. I am working even tomorrow and then on Sunday, guess what, I have to attend a dear friend's engagement party. It is held in this delightful restaurant. I hope my friend will get some sleep before it so that he does not attend it as a zombie though."

"I do not look like a zombie."

"Clearly you have not looked at the mirror properly these days then, Shintarou."

As he walked back home from train station, Midorima could not understand just what the heck was going on with his life: he kept his lucky item of the day with him at all times, like always, and his horoscope was nowhere near bad these days, to the point that even though Cancers had bad luck with love these few weeks his relationship with Azumi was going perfect – if anything, his luck was defying the Fate so just why was he feeling so down? Why was he having all these unnecessary concerns? And just why was he thinking and fussing over Takao so much?! He had followed Scorpio's horoscope as well and even though it had a downfall a few weeks ago its fortune was increasing steadily these past weeks and was told to go even higher in the upcoming days. So he could not blame Takao for rubbing some kind of bad luck onto him. While he was immersed in his superstitious obsessions and did not pay any attention to his surroundings, he heard a laughter he knew very well. It was not the first time he had seen Takao while returning home himself for the simple reason that the two lived pretty close, just a 10 minutes walk away from each other and often used the same main road when walking back home... so he had no idea why, instead of continuing on his path and saying "hi" to his friend, he had been stunned on his spot and could not move an inch and for some reason hoped to not be seen.

Takao was walking home with a friend that Midorima could not discern and believed that it was someone he did not know; in any case, it was hard to understand as both had their backs turned to him and were walking a good couple of meters in front. What he could discern though was, of course Takao himself – he would never mistake Takao for anyone, the little parasite had etched his physique and voice to Midorima's mind too well – and just how tall and athletic the man near him, to the point that Takao seemed short and thin near the man despite his average build. The man had reddish brown hair and the two were talking animatedly, probably making jokes as both laughed now and then, especially Takao... They had many bags in their hands of what looked like clothing stores and the tall man also held a large brown bag with one arm and it seemed to be full of groceries. Midorima thought of following them for a second, as though it was not obvious where they were going but he dispelled the thought from his head; why was he thinking of such childish antics?

He knew why partially. He was very surprised, very curious, and most of all very angry.

"_How dare he!_" Midorima thought.

How dare Takao laugh and smile and joke so genuinely, freely with somebody while he caused tremendous concern and agitation for Midorima over the past few weeks and most importantly if he was so happy why the hell did he not show it to Midorima? Why was he always so unusually silent, so unusually distant, so unusually stoic these days whenever he met Midorima? Why didn't he send so many unnecessary messages to Midorima like he always did? Why didn't he call Midorima simply to say "hi" or to ask "how was your work today?" like he always did? Why didn't he invite Midorima home to drink together or to watch a film like he did so often before? Why didn't he ask to have dinner or lunch during the week at least once like the usual?

A light rain of Spring started slowly and Midorima did not even notice as his hair started getting wet. He did not even notice the tragic frown on his face that was so much different than his usual irritated or indifferent scowl. He did not even notice the heaviness that was forming rapidly in his stomach. Nor did he notice the red markings his nails were leaving on his palms, as his hands now clenched strongly in a fist. The only thing he noticed, the only thing he felt in the busy street among all the noise and the lights of the cars passing by was his very own loneliness – at that moment, he felt left behind.


	9. Chapter 9

_This story is turning out gloomier than I thought but I actually like Midorima all lost and confused when it comes to feelings and stuff so... _

* * *

Midorima Shintarou who was going to have his engagement celebration on Sunday, spent the whole Saturday in bed as he was taken over by a bout of melancholia whose origins he could trace but not fully understand. His depression had grown to a completely new level and unlike the mild dissatisfaction, boredom, and concern he had felt over the last few weeks, he was now feeling a profound sadness entwined with pain and he felt physically ill. Not just tired or bored but sick. Being a doctor, he was sure he did not have any physical illness and he knew that this was a case of those never truly explainable phenomena of somatoform disorders, however his mind was too full of absolute despair that he could not focus enough on his symptoms to be able to at least put a name to this strange syndrome he was experiencing. He did not want to move an inch, he believed and upon trying out confirmed that simply trying to move out of the bed would cause him immense pain, whether it was physically real or not was not important, for it felt all too real.

His mind was numb and he could not think much, he had felt so since he came home the Friday night; he had watched Takao disappear on the horizon alongside his friend before he could move a step further and then he continued and continued walking, not realising that he had become particularly soaked due to the rain and despite disliking walking in the rain, he walked... The walk home that was supposed to take only about 15 minutes at maximum took almost an hour due to his detours and when he reached home all the previous anger he had felt was gone. It had completely disappeared and left in its place something Midorima had never experienced so deeply: a despair of such great magnitude and depth that it took over the whole being called Midorima Shintarou. Why was he affected so much? Why was he being so ridiculously and silently and subtly dramatic? If he had not been so numb both in body and mind, he would surely ask these questions to himself. He could not, at least rest of the Friday night and Saturday morning. By the end of the day Saturday, which was spent in bed, without any food or drink to the point that he could feel the aching cramps of hunger in his stomach and an immense dryness in his mouth, a single question had become the sole thought in his otherwise empty or at least "empty feeling" mind: Why has Takao never smiled or laughed to me in the last weeks?

The question was created when he was half consciously tracing over the conversation he had with Akashi at the back of his mind, and amongst all the things that Akashi had asked, he had realised there was other things missing from Takao's usual behaviour and he started finding each one out and this particular one, upon discovery, had caught all his attention. He felt or perhaps imagined his heartbeat grow quieter at the thought of how easily and naturally and genuinely Takao laughed with his friend yesterday night. He had not seen Takao smile or laugh like that in such a long time but just how oblivious he was that he had realised it only now?

Saturday early evening Midorima Shintarou fell asleep unbelievably peacefully as his mind and body slowly numbed themselves completely into a graceful sleep, as if to preserve the sanity and well-being of this strange man who acted so defiant and strong like a rocky shore against the most wrathful and capricious of the seas, but unknown to most he was rather fragile inside and the most inexperienced when it came to handling complex emotions.

Sunday morning was a different story though. Not that he was cured, oh no, not at all, but if there was anything that would force him back to normal it was his adamant dutifulness. He woke up early Sunday morning, realising and understanding too well his great hunger, he stuffed himself properly with a large breakfast. He went out to the nearby dry cleaner to pick up his suit. He cleaned up himself properly in a bath that took much longer than his usual ones and shaved very, very carefully. By the time it was early afternoon, he suited up and left the house as he was to go the restaurant earlier than others.

He was surprised to find out that Takao was already at the location and Takao actually smiled rather cheerfully upon seeing him. For a mere second the façade brought upon by the force of his wilful uprightness wavered a little and he liked seeing Takao smile, and for an instant he thought he saw some genuine fondness and affection on the clear blue eyes... In seconds though Takao's smile turned a little superficial and his own dutifulness gripped his soul tighter. Midorima had to blink a couple of times before being able to fully register just what Takao was animatedly saying and realised that he was talking about how good Midorima looked in a suit.

"Hmm... I could wear it more I guess." was what Midorima mumbled, a little thoughtlessly truthfully so he couldn't understand why the statement caused a momentous gaze of pure longing and sadness on Takao's face, who recovered right away though, so quickly to the point that Midorima questioned the veracity of his own eyes. In an instant, almost suddenly, Takao dragged Midorima to the other corner of the restaurant. In those few seconds while he was being dragged, perhaps because he had been kept so away from his friend for a long time, he felt peaceful like everything had returned to normal and each second he was having was like a minute – had he missed being dragged around so much? The feeling was abruptly shaken though as he saw Takao detach from him and hop near the tall stranger he was eagerly introducing to Midorima... The first thing Midorima realised, before even taking a look at the stranger's face was how Takao wrapped his arm around the stranger's arm so closely and tightly as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Upon seeing the man's face, getting a full view of his height, and his reddish brown hair, Midorima knew immediately who this stranger was. Well, knew not in the sense of basic social knowledge of the man but he knew that it was the same man who was with Takao last Friday night. He was so caught up in the thought and the despair and the numbness from Saturday had started to so subtly seep into his mind that he couldn't realise the greeting the other man was giving him. When he finally did, he blinked a couple of times again, and bowed very slightly,

"I am sorry. I was a little ill this weekend and I am still a little under the weather I guess. Midorima Shintarou. Nice to meet you and thank you for coming to my engagement celebration."

The man's voice, now that Midorima could properly register it, was nothing like that of himself and more akin to Takao's or perhaps Kise's; cheerful and playful despite his age and large build,

"Yukimura Kaede. I am a colleague of Takao's. I wish you a great day today and in your future with your dear fiancée. I hope you do not mind me being here."

"No, all invitations came with a 'plus one' so it is all right."

Then Takao started a long chit chat about Yukimura to Midorima and Midorima to Yukimura, sharing bits and pieces of information about both and Midorima really did not pay much attention to all the little details Takao was sharing, his eyes were looking at the face of the man in front of him with the usual indifferent stare and slight scowl he had but in his peripheral vision he could see Takao's arm wrapped around Yukimura's and for some reason his brain was stuck to that little detail.

It was not the first time he had seen Takao with a boyfriend or date of his. It seemed that Takao diligently tried avoiding to introduce or make them meet with Midorima, so this particular instance was an exception in that regard, but there had been various instances in the past that he had coincidentally or out of necessity seen Takao with his lovers. Some would be more touchy-feely and others would not and Takao almost always tried to keep his distance from them whenever Midorima was around. Midorima was sure this was not the usual attitude of Takao for he knew how flippant and cheeky the man normally behaved and just how he naturally had high "skinship" with everyone he was close too. So Midorima thought, this was Takao's way of being respectful to Midorima and not exposing too much of his privacy to the man who was obviously uninterested in it. He took some kind of pride, to be honest, at such sensitivity from Takao and followed the same with Azumi near him or any other friends, for that was his natural character. He was strictly reluctant with this thing called "public displays of affection", they looked rather ugly to him. Here though, now, it seemed that sensitivity was long gone...

He was not sure how many minutes had passed, the manager of the restaurant had come in between and they had talked a little about what would happen, a simple meal and get together really, a few large tables were prepared, there would be no "ceremony" but simply a feast of celebration and a few words would be spoken by the parents obviously... then he heard the high pitched and loud voice that literally screamed:

"Midorimacchi!"

"_Oh... so he arrived._" Midorima thought. Indeed, Kise had arrived and actually Kise was supposed to have arrived much earlier, at the same time as Takao and Midorima but he had come obviously late.

"You are late." was thus the first thing Midorima said.

"Aw" Kise pouted and Midorima thought just how a man with only a few years to his thirties could pout like a child – "I was ready but Aominecchi was so slow, we are late because of him!".

"Oi, don't blame me. Sure I was lazy and late but you were late too, you changed like what, how many, five outfits?"

"I was just trying to ensure that I fit the particular ambience."

"Yeah, yeah. Why did we have to come so early anyway?"

"You have not come 'early' Aomine, you have come 'late'."

"Well in my opinion, even this is early. What are we going to do till others arrive? Have a happy and heartfelt reunion... with _you_?"

Aomine smirked, Midorima disapprovingly glared, Kise sighed, and Takao giggled nervously,

"Guys, come on! This is Shin-chan's happy day, isn't it? We have to be in the mood."

"Oh really now, tell me, are you in the 'mood' Takao?" Aomine said with a very knowing and hinting smirk as he pulled back one of the empty chairs and made himself comfortable but his careless comment had caused both Yukimura and Kise glare daggers at him.

"Shut up Aominecchi. Stop being so grouchy. You promised. And you know the consequences." Kise's voice was very clear and sharp and Aomine simply "tch"ed – he liked mocking others and picking on their passivity or cowardice but not at the cost of "consequences" with Kise, for they always meant Kise not talking or paying any attention to him, sometimes for days. Kise could be very stubborn when he wanted that it was almost ridiculous.

Kise turned to Midorima and stepping closer patted his right shoulder with his hand,

"Congratulations Midorimacchi! We are happy for you."

"Thanks." Midorima mumbled and then slightly moved away from Kise's touch which only made Kise smile for a reason.

Later on Kise and Takao wanted to talk with the manager of the restaurant to check up on a few things the last minute, to ensure that all was right, and the trio left behind stared at each other solemnly at one of the large tables. The whole restaurant – though it was not big anyway – was reserved for the occasion so they were left to each other's company.

"Um... so you are a doctor Midorima-san?" Yukimura finally broke the ice and Midorima was not really happy at this particular breaking of the ice. He really did not want to talk, especially not with this stranger he already disliked for no reason, or Aomine. Regardless, the courtesy warranted him to respond so he did,

"Yes."

"I heard you are a heart surgeon?"

"I am doing my residency at the Cardiothoracic Surgery department of the University of Tokyo Hospital. I am not a qualified Cardiothoracic surgeon yet but I will be in a few years time. I specialise in Cardiovascular surgeries."

"He cuts peoples' hearts. Literally, 'too'." Aomine groaned but almost playfully and towards Yukimura, who got the message and gave an interrogating glance at Midorima which both disturbed and puzzled him,

"What do you mean? I only work on them to make them better."

"Yeah, yeah, the doctor, white caped saviour, what not."

"It is not my fault that you do not have a proper career."

"What? I am sorry. Are you really telling me – Aomine Daiki, the best basketball player in the country, the ace of our national basketball team, an Olympian that I don't have a 'proper' career?"

"Basketball is good and fun and I appreciate it and am good at it a lot, as well. But it is one thing to hone your skills in a field where you are previously not knowledgeable and it is completely another thing to just exploit your existing talents in a sport."

"This is why I hate talking with you. You always look down on people."

"Says the most arrogant man I have ever met."

"Oh Midorima, sure I am arrogant but I cannot be the most arrogant – or perhaps, you have never met yourself?"

The two just glared at each other and Yukimura, who felt very uncomfortable with the not-so-cold cold-war between the two, stepped in with another question,

"Um Midorima-san, you went to medical school at the University of Tokyo too right? You must be very smart."

"Yes, I am."

The answer kind of bewildered Yukimura as it was not humble in any way and Yukimura's bewilderment only caused a gleeful smirk and a slight "hah" on Aomine's side.

"I see... But your specialisation... it is really an interesting field, why did you choose it?"

"Because I felt that I could excel in it and it is a very crucial area of expertise. People can lose an eye or an arm but still live on, they cannot lose their heart."

Takao at that moment had arrived near them and chimed in with a tinge of sadness in his voice that seemed so out of place with respect to that conversation and caught the attention of Midorima,

"They can get heart transplants these days..."

"Yeah, but it is very hard. It is hard to find the right one and then the surgery and the post-operation care are both lengthy and then there are many likely complications. And the body may end up rejecting it."

Takao slowly put his elbow on Yukimura's shoulder, putting his weight a little to the front like that responded – this little gesture had already irritated Midorima though,

"Still, there are many, many cases that succeed. It is not impossible, just difficult and it is worth that difficulty, isn't it – leaving a faulty heart behind for a healthy one?"

"Obviously. One could not live without a heart so if theirs is faulty, they need to have a new one." Midorima said a little confused at the Takao's tone and the judging gazes of both Yukimura and Aomine. Takao on the other hand opened his mouth a little almost to say something then closed and swallowed, as though he was swallowing some words and a silence took him, it looked almost sad... At that moment Kise came walking briskly, "Guys! We have some guests!" he announced cheerfully smiling and Midorima could see Kagami at the other side of the restaurant. Yukimura and Takao moved right away to greet the newcomers but Aomine simply turned his face towards and nodded, at that moment almost to himself and for no particular reason Midorima mumbled,

"I was involved in heart transplants before... I can do them. Heart transplants. I can give new hearts to people, too."

Aomine heard Midorima's little monologue that was perhaps intended to be an outwardly silent one but failed to be so. Midorima felt Aomine's curious and surprised eyes right away and looked at him confused and also a little conscious of himself, for mumbling like a child, but instead of a snide comment or a smirk, Aomine smiled friendly and knowingly and as he got up he almost whispered to Midorima,

"You should definitely say that to Takao once. Trust me. Just say that."

Then he turned his back to Midorima and jokingly threw a fist to Kagami's shoulder who had already walked up to them.

After Kagami and Kuroko, Murasakibara and Himuro arrived, then his senpais from high school Otsubo, Miyaji, and Kimura arrived. Then some friends and colleagues of Azumi came. Later on the director of his department at the hospital arrived alongside his wife and his favourite professor from medical school. Then came the high school coach Nakatani. His family arrived later on with Azumi and Azumi's parents. His sister could not attend for she was abroad. The last people to enter the restaurant were Akashi and Momoi who came together. To be exact, it was Akashi who entered the place the last, as though he was the most respected guest of the night but then that could be true too. Momoi had been working as Akashi's personal assistant for quite a few years now, so it was now usual for the two to come in together to events related to their friends.

Aperitifs were served first and both Midorima's parents and Azumi's parents made some congratulatory remarks. Takao could not help but stare at Azumi's hand at first, at least for about ten minutes or so, he tried his best to tear away his stare and he would be successful but only for a few minutes and then his gaze would return to it. What caught his attention irresistibly was the ring; it seemed expensive, "_at least two or three months worth of salary_" Takao thought. Azumi had lived and studied in the US in her early youth so Midorima specially paid attention to follow some of the Western customs. It had a large diamond as a centrepiece and strongly blue little gemstones adorned around the diamond, "_probably sapphire_" Takao supposed.

He recalled how one day, long long ago, he had looked at a brochure of wedding and engagement rings that had been left to his home alongside other advertisement brochures; they had been drinking with Midorima at his house and he had blabbered a lot about the rings he saw on the brochure. He had been only slightly tipsy so perhaps that's why he still remembered this or perhaps his mind was just imagining things and playing games out of jealousy now, in any case he recalled how he had not liked any of the designs and complained that if he was a woman he would not like any of those on the brochure. "But they look good" Midorima had commented lazily giving a side glance to the brochure, "Maybe! But none has blue in them. Mine has to have blue." Takao had responded and then winked and added "to match my eyes!" Midorima at the time had only looked to Takao as though he had said the stupidest thing and only commented: "You are not a woman."

"_I am not a woman_" Takao almost mumbled but his voice did not come out, thankfully, since he was sitting in a crowded table. He was not sitting near Midorima, instead one side he had Kise and on the other he had Yukimura. And it felt lonely and cold for him for a moment, whenever they went out in groups he would always stick close to Midorima, so close that if it was drinking out late night he would often end up asleep on Midorima's lap. At first Midorima had complained about this a lot but soon he had grown used to it too; he would silently and calmly continue to drink his red bean soup as Takao dozed off on his lap. Now though as if a sign of what was to come, Midorima was sitting at the table near with his family, Azumi, Azumi's family, their old coach, his professor from medical school, and the director of his department. This was how it was going to be from now on. No more late night out drinking and falling asleep on Midorima's lap. No more drinking at his home or watching a film and blabbering of stupid, silly things for all night. No more vacations together in places close or distant. No more regular lunches or dinners. Perhaps, even, no more regular Friday meet-ups. Takao felt his stomach become upset and his confidence wavered and his smile broke a little and he felt a hand on his knee, a light pat, when he looked he saw Kise smile at him.

"You are doing a great job... You have done a great job." he said, smiling, and Takao felt he could contain the despair in him. Then Kise loudly declared, "but hasn't he? Come on guys, hey everyone, we need a big applause for Takao Kazunari, the best sidekick to Midorimacchi ever, who singlehandedly arranged this lovely occasion for us! He has done a great job!"

"Ki-chan... it's not..." Takao was whispering but Aomine started clapping with his large hands which made obviously a loud sound and others felt the need to join in, even Midorima and the elderly on his table. So Takao stood up bowed in thankfulness, his eyes got a little wet, but he was so determined that when he spoke his voice was not broken, it was as sharp and clear as a shard of glass,

"Thank you for being here in this important day for... Shintarou. I have been his friend for over a decade now and it is amazing seeing him happy and on the way to marriage like this. We will surely meet again at even a more beautiful occasion next year, at his wedding! I am so happy for him."

Kise smiled but his smile wavered a little and Aomine sneaked his hand under the table to hold Kise's – for he knew best how emotionally subtle moments would trigger Kise now and then and he would be more blunt than anyone could be, leaving behind his accommodating nature. Most others did not realise anything wrong with the statement, thought that was how such a statement should be anyway. Akashi, spared a curious glance at Midorima and was quite amused at what he saw. Midorima's face, betraying the polite and gleeful congratulations he just received was almost horrified, shocked, and disturbed. His mouth was open a bit, he could not utter anything in the following seconds. It took him over three seconds – if anybody had counted they would find out – to utter a "thank you". He coughed up right after as though something was stuck in his throat, and perhaps something was stuck in his throat, metaphorically at least. "Are you okay?" Azumi queried concernedly, "Ah yes, sorry, sorry, I have been a little ill. The change of seasons." Midorima managed to respond.

"Well once you two are married you will be better taken care of! A man always needs to a woman to take care of him!" Azumi's mother commented loudly and other elderly nodded.

Hearing this Momoi, in a silent voice mocked the comment on their own table,

"Huh? I didn't know men married to be with a 'mother' – why don't they just stay home with their mother if they only need a woman to take care of themselves?" She giggled to which Akashi smiled and Aomine also looked amused, "Muro-chin is the best caretaker I have seen and he is a man" Murasakibara chimed in as he devoured his third soufflé for the night,

"Why, thank you Atsushi, and please slow down on soufflés. I heard the mille-feuille of this restaurant is very good too."

"Oh yeah, I know, I used to come here quite a bit. You should try it definitely. After this I'll have probably two or three of that."

"Tatsuya has always been very motherly though." Kagami noted, "and how the hell do you not get fat at all Murasakibara?!"

Murasakibara looked puzzled and asked rather innocently: "Why would I get 'fat'?"

Himuro and Kise especially laughed at that and Kuroko very calmly responded as he cut his mille-feuille carefully into little pieces,

"Don't mind him Murasakibara-kun, he is just grumpy about gaining weight because he had to cut down on burgers for a long time now since he has to be more careful about his weight."

"Ahaha, what is next Kagami, are you going into a diet?"

"We all diet Aomine, we are athletes."

"Yeah sure, the regular regimens, I get it but neither my trainer nor my doctor ban any food for me. Never. Not a diet like that. Admit it, you are just getting old. Much much faster than rest of us." Aomine smirked but Kise coldly stated right away,

"That is only because you already eat very healthy since at home you cook and since I have a strict diet and care a lot about healthy eating, we practically cook and eat only healthy stuff. I still remember how you used to complain: '_Why are we eating all this greenery?! Are we cows?! We are not cows! I want to eat burgers! Meat!_'" and at the last few words Kise tried to imitate Aomine's voice which caused almost everyone on their table to giggle. "Almost" being caused by Akashi – even Aomine after the initial displeasure of being mocked by Kise was now laughing. Instead of joining others in laughter thought, Akashi simply smiled contently and then spared another glance at Midorima, who was trying his best to steal glances of their table, particularly of Takao, who was now laughing silently with others, while simultaneously trying to keep his father-in-law and mother-in-law company in small talk. Akashi thought Midorima's situation to be pathetic but believed that this was a "hopeful" and pathetic situation; so he continued smiling as he took his dessert spoon in his hand.

After the desserts and the servicing of the digestif, the parents and other elderly guests left one by one. Azumi stayed with Midorima as her parents left. Since they were the only two left in their table a few others switched places in the tables and they ended up with rest of Midorima's secondary school mates and Takao. Despite Midorima's initial gesture to sit near Takao neither Yukimura or Kise moved an inch and his second attempt to sit in front of Takao was also averted by a cheerful Momoi who almost jumped to the seat in front of Takao and started telling a story animatedly. The rest of the evening was spent pretty much drinking. Midorima though only drank coffee while his fiancée preferred some rosé wine. Takao who sipped from his red wine and sometimes his gaze would meet with Midorima's and he would smile slightly but it would be so artificial that it would disturb him. Midorima on the other hand still had slightly shocked demeanour.

Later into the evening Azumi held Midorima's hand under the table, gripped it a little strongly and whispered that she was feeling a little tipsy. That it was time to take her home. Midorima felt a little awkward, he had been so used to be the one taking Takao home if Takao had drunk, or if no drinks involved being the one driven home by Takao that the idea he would leave a friends' gathering by somebody else felt quite alien. Honestly, he almost never invited Azumi out night drinking with his friends and in those rare occasions where she was present during a get-together, it would never be one where they drank, and he would usually call a cab for her as he himself got to such gatherings by public transport and it was Takao who would then drive him home. Slapping his inner awkwardness away and feeling a little shy inside that despite his age he was still perhaps too demanding and wilful to be pampered by Takao or vice versa, he got up. He thanked everyone and was about to leave when his eyes met with Takao. Takao's little speech earlier echoed in his ears and as if to convince himself that it was all but a stupid exception or his ears playing a strange game on him, he specifically and individually said to Takao,

"Thank you Takao, specially. Since you organised the whole thing."

Takao smiled and Midorima could swear that despite the smile on his face his eyes were full of feelings that were unfathomable yet certainly unhappy and he said silently , "No worries, Shintarou."

Murasakibara was already dozing off a little at that moment and Himuro was having a hard time trying to ensure that the large man did not fall over onto the table or on his back to the floor, Kagami was very tipsy and kept on hiccuping and Kuroko was tending him saying that they should also leave soon, Aomine was whispering something probably dirty to Kise such that the blond's face was completely red, Akashi was writing something on a piece of paper which Momoi was reading carefully and senpais were already gone. It seemed at that moment the only person who heard Takao's words was himself, Takao, and that stranger – Yukimura – who was sitting near Takao. The words had stunned him and Midorima was frozen in his spot, then he saw Yukimura wrap his arm around Takao's such that they were arm in arm and slowly held on and squeezed his hand. Midorima blinked and swore to God that what had just happened, what was happening could not be real but at that moment as though God's intervention to reveal Midorima that no, this was very much the reality, Azumi tugged at Midorima's arm a bit forcefully and complained,

"Come on Midorima. I think I drank a bit too much, I don't think I can stand well..."

Midorima wrapped his arm around Azumi and they slowly walked out. He did not look back.

Honestly, he was afraid to look back.


	10. Chapter 10

_Here, have some sad, brooding Midorima... it looks cute on him._

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During the new week a forgetfulness occupied Midorima, and after his third mistake at work – and really, all were small stuff, not even worthy to be called "minor" – he felt guilty enough to ask for two sick days for Thursday and Friday. He felt incapacitated in almost every meaning of the word. He felt as though he was hurled into a world and life that was alien to his, he could not understand what he was going through and only knew that he did not like it. His mood, rather than angry or displeased, was a numbed mix of despair, fear, and agitation. A strange cocktail of emotions, really, submerged his heart and soul completely.

Truth be told, he was the one who had pressured Takao to find a long-term partner, to put his life in order, and even specifically mentioned how ridiculous it was for him to still call Midorima "Shin-chan"; for honestly, if there was a joke and sarcasm in that silly nickname somewhere, even that was already lost and left behind in their high school years; they were proper adults now, after all. So why was he so troubled by the suspicion that Yukimura was the long awaited prince charming of Takao, the one he would try to settle with (after all they had dared to show their affection in front of Midorima! Surely Takao would not do that with just a random date!) and by the fact that Takao was evidently trying to sort his life out and be a proper adult, starting with getting rid of the stupid nickname and what not...? He was not sure which agitated him more or why was he agitated at any of this, nevertheless, he was.

His dreams did not help either. The damned things had continued with even a stronger tone of sentimentality in them, if less bizarre, and Midorima was not sure to thank God for them, since it seemed these days the only times he could properly and "normally" face Takao seemed to be these weird dreams, or curse them, since they agitated him further and planted the seeds of this feeling he was almost foreign to: yearning.

He was not used to feeling the longing due to the absence of anyone, unlike his fondness and obsession over certain objects, he had never felt that kind of need and close attachment for people growing up. The close bond he had forged with Takao, or rather Takao had forged between them during high school had been a revolution of sorts in his private life but even then, he almost never felt this thing people called "missing someone". That was until near the end of their second year when Takao got injured in a game and could not join training or any games for about 2 months. He had spent the first month fine but by the second month he would feel some kind of a void on the court, he would even miss some of the passes – the court without Takao had become a strange and unknown landscape and realising this had terrified him then. But it had not been a complete absence as Takao would come to watch most of the training sessions and would cheer so loudly during games that it would be impossible not to hear him. So he had managed and at the end of the two months Takao had returned and all had gone back to normal that he never questioned himself again. That was until Takao's graduation from the university. Sure, when they had first graduated from high school and started university he had felt somewhat of an absence of Takao since they didn't spend their time in close proximity all day like before, but soon Takao had started asking him out to drink, coming over his campus to have lunch and the continuous e-mails, text messages, Twitter mentions, photos shared... He had not felt that yearning he felt on the second year of high school as it seemed Takao had found a way to exist, be there for him even in this new university setting and though Midorima never admitted to anyone nor could he admit it to himself even now if his mind wasn't so numb and almost intoxicated, he had been content and thankful to Takao for that. It was another story when Takao graduated from university though. He was adamant about going abroad for a long vacation before starting job hunting and this sounded extremely irresponsible and careless to Midorima. They had already gone to vacations abroad regularly, often together during their holidays, so he found it especially unnecessary. It was even more irritating to Midorima when Takao started half jokingly half seriously begging him to come along as well; he still had school, two years of clinical studies to go through before he would graduate. They had ended up having a big fight and in a fit of anger Takao had left the country abruptly right after receiving his degree, for Thailand, according to Kise. He had not left any contact number, nothing, and had been completely missing for the next two and a half weeks. Surely, he was never a truly careless person and Midorima was still sure that he had then probably left some contact information to Kise, however even though Midorima had personally asked Kise for information he had been constantly denied. The two weeks and a half he spent without Takao in sight had then been worse than any nightmare he had till then. By nature, most did not realise, but he was a worrywart; why most did not realise it was because his worries were always concerned with himself and not with anyone else. Well, Takao had proved to be the exception to that rule again and again over time and then too, he could not help but imagine the worst. What if something bad had happened to Takao? What if he had been injured? What had he been doing all this time not bothering to contact Midorima once, despite how he glued himself to Midorima continuously over the past years? He had felt a yearning he had never ever felt before for anyone or anything – it had been worse than if he would have forgotten his lucky item consecutively each day. He had been sunk so deep in depression, not wanting to see anyone or do anything, losing his appetite completely that he had even fell physically ill from lack of sleep and food. He had even ended up skipping school for a few days due to this, which was something never seen before or ever after in the educational career of Midorima Shintarou. He had been like a child who could not swim yet was thrown into a ravenous sea, absolutely unused to the feelings he had been sunk in.

After two and a half weeks, late one night he had received a call from an unknown foreign number. Takao had spoken with a voice tinged with sadness, worry, guilt, and also something Midorima had not been able to understand then but in any case the first thing Midorima had uttered, half hazy with sleep half lost with worry, been: "Takao, are you okay? You are good?" Upon hearing the confused and a little broken voice on the other side confirm this he had uttered deep from his heart and quickly, "Thank God."

Takao had returned two days after that phone call and during those two days he kept calling or messaging Midorima. They never left each other's side for so long ever after that.

Thus Midorima could not understand the yearning that had taken over his being again: Takao had not left, he knew how Takao was doing – and he was doing well too! So why was he so bothered and why did he feel like he had lost him?

On Wednesday he decided that he would ask out Takao for drinking on Thursday night and talk about his troubles with him. This was not something easy to accept on Midorima's part but he felt that he had to do it to come to terms with what he was going through and better understand the root causes. Unfortunately, something he least expected happened and Takao rejected his offer. Bear in mind, Midorima very rarely asked Takao to go out; almost like an unsaid agreement between them Takao would somehow know if Midorima wanted to go to a specific place or do a specific thing together and invite Midorima himself. In those rare instances when Midorima himself took the initiative to ask Takao, he would always accept, thoroughly happily too. Takao's excuse this time was that Yukimura was coming over to his house for dinner and to watch some films apparently. This felt quite odd to Midorima, surely Takao had many friends but he rarely invited them over and especially not this frequently and in a weekday too... For a second, he wanted to ask if he could come over too then but swallowed his words; his upright character slapped him almost, he was being immature, obviously Yukimura was a lover of Takao, it was normal for him to visit Takao, and they must have wanted to spend the night doing certain things that only lovers did...

Thus came Thursday the day when Midorima upon realising what would go on between Takao and Yukimura – or rather what he imagined would go on between them – for some reason could not keep himself from thinking about _it_. He thought this was not just immature and adolescent-like but also very disrespectful and totally inappropriate but he could not help himself; his mind seemed to gravitate towards the idea of Takao being intimate with somebody, and despite all his tries, he would find himself thinking, imagining, questioning. He did not know much about intimacy, whether straight or gay, not because he did not have needs or desires like everyone, he surely did, he was not an exception – he had learnt it with distaste during his youth – but he was mostly uninterested in it. He had never felt much sexual attraction towards the women he saw around him and even with Azumi he thought of sexuality mostly in terms of monotonous bodily needs and procreative requirements... Perhaps because he was still not much experienced but he was not sure if he cared much about pleasure or just how needy he was towards pleasure, and it seemed as though he had almost no need for it. So sexuality for him was like a chore, like eating or drinking was often in general; something he had to do when his body needed it and not necessarily relating to his personal relations. He was very much suspicious of how it played out with respect to attachments anyway.

So he was not sure how and why his mind was so focused on Takao's sexuality and intimacy right now, but he was. Unlike him, Takao must have been a very sensual person, he believed. He had always found a certain kind of sensuality in Takao and sometimes wondered how it felt or what it brought to his life. A simple movement of his hand, a wink, his reaction to a cold door handle, his intoxicated smiling after drinking, the way he closed his eyes as he listened to the music or the skilful moving of his body to the tune... Takao was alluring in that aspect and he must have been even more alluring for a lover.

How would Takao smile to his lover? How would he giggle? How would he touch his lover? Would his grip be strong or light? Would he caress gently or squeeze firmly? How would he kiss? Would he kiss hungrily and savagely? Or perhaps, would he kiss softly and tenderly? How would he look when he kissed or touched his lover? Would his eyes look as intoxicated and beautiful as they looked whenever he drank a little too much? Would his lips grow redder and larger of kissing like they did whenever he bit them constantly during winter? And if so, how would they feel on skin or on lips? How would they whisper words of love? Would Takao talk when he was being intimate or would he prefer silence? Would he lick the lips of his lover or nibble on them and would he kiss the places he nibbled? How would he react to being held or how would he stare at his lover when holding them? Would he moan? How would he moan? Would he cry? Would he scream? Would he be loud or quiet as he let himself loose in pleasure?

Midorima felt his insides churn, his temperature rise, and his discontent and dislike of Yukimura increased tenfold. The ideas, the questions, the images and sounds courtesy of his imagination kept him busy all day Thursday; he was absorbed in this new obsession he could not put an end to it despite his best tries and the guilt it bore in him a little.

The guilt was to only increase though as the next morning he woke up to the full realisation of having had yet another dream of Takao but this time of unspeakably embarrassing content. Yes, he had dreamt of Takao in a sexual sense, he had felt Takao in a sexual sense. It took him at least two hours to accept this fact and he spent the first few hours of the sunrise contemplating about what to do and coming to terms with this fact: he had dreamt of holding Takao. A legacy of his thoughts from the previous day and an exhaustion and frustration induced relief, he chanted like a mantra to his conscience; no, he would not be so disrespectful to his friend knowingly or intently, ever. Though somehow it did not feel disrespectful at all and this bothered him to no end. He felt shy too, extremely timid like he had never felt before in years for here he was, an engaged man nearing thirty having wet dreams of his best friend. This was unacceptable. It was worse than being childish...

When he realised that it was already midday he felt that despite his desire to see Takao, which he felt had somehow increased even more as though it was possible, he felt that he could not face him and acknowledgement of his extreme desire to see his friend, coupled with what had happened the night only further agitated him and caused anxiety and an unwillingness to see him. It was all paradoxical and he was not sure what to do about it but he still sent a message to Takao, informing him that he was sorry but they would not be having their game this week either because he was feeling ill and could not come. Normally, in cases like this Takao would ring his door bell in an hour with a bag full of medication and a worried face but as he expected this time Takao only replied with a text message that simply said: "No problem. Take care."

"_No 'Shin-chan' again huh..._" Midorima thought and why was he realising it now?! So the Friday was also spent brooding at home. Saturday morning though, he rose with the sun and knew exactly what to do. It was stupid, it was silly to hide at home like this, to lose himself in emotions and think endlessly without any way out. He had to confront his fears and desires alike: he had to see Takao. So picked himself up, had a quick shower, then a breakfast, went over his e-mail inbox loaded with unread work e-mails, and by the time it was what he considered a suitable hour – 11 am, not so much suitable for a weekend visit for anybody else but Midorima actually – he changed into more proper clothes for outside and left home. He walked to Takao's home with brisk steps and without ever pausing for a second to think because he knew if he thought only for a second he would return back home; no, there was no time for brooding over this, he had to be courageous, he had to be a proper adult. He knocked Takao's door insistently with the exact tempo; Takao would often mock this habit of his, saying that it almost sounded like a unique tone introducing his arrival but most complained that it was simply irritating. The one to open the door was not Takao Kazunari though, it was a sleepy eyed tall man, Yukimura.

Sure Yukimura was supposed to have spent the Thursday with Takao but what was he still doing at Takao's house on Saturday morning?! If it was Friday morning, Midorima could understand this, though he would still be disturbed to see an adult at home on a Friday morning at 11 am, regardless. Had he stayed both nights at Takao? If so, "how rude!" thought Midorima. Such unthoughtful and inappropriate conduct, what was he, a leech on Takao's income or a lover?!

"Ah Shi- I mean Midorima-san."

Midorima did catch the silent sound of "Shi" Yukimura uttered first and felt even more disturbed; was he about to call Midorima by his first name? On the account of what? They were not close, no, not at all. Him being a lover to Takao did not mean anything in terms of their own proximity and hell no, he was not planning to be close to this stupid and brutish man.

"Good morning."

"Um, yes. Good morning."

"I will come in if you can please move?"

"Ah, yes, okay, I guess...?"

Midorima gave a questioning glare as Yukimura moved a little reluctantly from the door. Once inside, Midorima quickly glanced all around the little apartment of Takao, ensuring that everything was in its place which normally meant that nothing was in its place as Takao was a very messy person who lacked any and all skills of being neat and organised. The hall and main room looked relatively clean and neat though so Midorima was intrigued – unhappily.

"Still it seems all right..." he mumbled and Yukimura asked,

"Huh? Did you say something?"

"Nothing important. You were cooking?" Midorima pointed to the small pot on the stove and the neatly set up table.

"Yes, I was preparing breakfast."

"So you prepare the breakfast? Well, Takao cannot cook anyway."

"Oh, he can cook actually" Yukimura smiled as he moved towards the kitchen area and continued with his interrupted chopping, "I mean, he just started learning... but he is not that bad. Not as bad as he claims he is. He is just too impatient so cooking at times is hard for him but when I found just the right recipes for him, he cooked pretty good stuff."

"He did? He cooked for you?"

"Yeah, I mean he cooked and we ate together."

"I see. You come often."

"Well... not that often but yes, I guess. Takao doesn't like spending time alone at home much, from what I understand."

"Yes, I know. Obviously, I know."

"Yes... um... okay?"

"Where is he now?"

"Oh Takao? He is out... he craved toast a lot but there was no bread left so he went to the convenience store to get some."

"He left you here?"

"Yes?"

"Alone?"

"Um yes?"

"How preposterous and inappropriate!"

"Huh?"

"I understand you two are close but for how long do you two know each other anyway?! He is always so careless and reckless... leaving a stranger in his home alone."

"I am not really a stranger..."

"Yes, I understand that you two are close to each other and do not take my statement personally. But you two still barely know each other."

"I wouldn't say just barely... I do know quite a bit about him."

"Please. He is just being reckless, normally he doesn't even let people into his home much... it is always so messy too..."

"Oh I cleaned for him."

"It was you who cleaned this room?"

"Yeah?"

"Why the heck would you do that? Why are you cleaning for him? He is a grown-ass man."

"He does not like it much and he insisted I do not but I actually like doing housework so..."

"What kind of a person would like doing housework? Are you so useless or mindless or without any talent or interest in anything meaningful? I mean I do housework too but only minimally and the needed amount and I obviously do not gain any pleasure from it."

"My God... just do you have to be so arrogant and rude always?"

"Who do you think you are to tell me that? I have every right to be arrogant towards you."

"We don't even know each other! How is that possible?!"

"Your status and my status, your qualifications and my qualifications are already enough proof of that. I am not sure why Takao chose you anyway, he may not be perfect but he has some amazing qualities, he could find a much much better person than you."

"You know what, you should shut up, because you don't know anything about him."

"I have known him for over a decade and you think I don't know him?! I know everything about him. There is not a single person in this universe who knows more about Takao than me."

"And that is just your empty, unfounded arrogance speaking! You know nothing! You do not understand him at all! I may know him for much less but I understand him much better!"

"Just because you fuck him does not mean you understand him, you idiot."

"What... I... no. We are not like that- I, I don't have to even explain to you. Get out."

"I am not getting out. This is my best friend's place, I came to see him, and I will be here till he arrives."

"No you will leave. You will leave now. If you wanted to stay, you should have kept your big mouth shut you rude clueless freak!"

"Who do you think you are?! I am staying here. I have important things to discuss with him."

"You have nothing to discuss with him. Why don't you just leave?! Isn't it enough that you've tortured him so much already?! Just go away. Get away from him."

"I have not caused any harm to him ever, I don't get what you are saying at all."

"Well exactly! You are clueless! You know nothing about him and you do not deserve any of the fondness he showers you with."

"Stop saying that! Stop acting as if you know him better than I do or you are closer! Nobody knows him better. Nobody is closer to him. I know everything."

"Oh, really, did you know you were his first love?"

"What?"

The confused anger and displeasure on Midorima's face changed to a complete shock and disbelief so suddenly and so thoroughly that Yukimura swallowed in guilt right away. He should not have said that.

"What did you just say?"

"..."

"Speak! What the hell did you just say?"

"You heard what I said."

Midorima could ask more questions and some part of him wanted to ask more questions but he felt so unwell then and knew deep inside him that Yukimura was not to person to direct these questions to, no it would be disrespectful to Takao to direct these questions to Yukimura, so he simply stayed silent. For a couple of seconds. Until his heart beat returned to normal a bit and he felt his sudden dizziness pass a little. Then, without saying anything to Yukimura, he turned his back and left the apartment quickly. He prayed to God to not run into Takao on the way home, he walked so briskly, almost ran at times, he just wanted to reach home and sit down and think. Just think.

It did not help though. Thinking back and fort at home, he could not find an answer, mor1e importantly he was still not certain whether or not he could believe Yukimura's words. He was not sure how lying about such a matter would bring any advantage to Yukimura but he did not know the man good enough to be a judge of just how truthful he spoke. So he decided, out of despair and confusion, to visit the person who would surely know. He had to know.

He was not sure how he got out of his home or drove to Kise's home, but here he was in front of the door of the large apartment Kise shared with Aomine. After a moment's hesitation he knocked on the door and Kise opened a few seconds later, curiously and cheerfully upon seeing Midorima but his face changed to one of concern as he observed Midorima, quickly moving away from the door so the man could enter.

"Midorimacchi, is everything all right? You look terrible..."

"I... I am okay. I need to talk with you."

"And just what you need to talk with him?"

Aomine's voice was sounded rather irritated, he was sitting on the sofa in the middle of the large loft,

"It is a personal matter... about Takao."

Even Aomine's eyes got large at that and Midorima was able to catch it, he looked at both of his friends inquisitively and was about to ask something when Kise patted his shoulder and then dragged him towards the stylish dinner table situated at the far end of the large loft,

"Come, I'll brew some tea and we will talk... ok?"

He sounded very gentle and understanding and after seating Midorima went into the kitchen to silently prepare some tea as quickly as he could, Aomine put his arm over his face for a few minutes, almost listening to their breathing as silence engulfed the whole place. When the tea was ready, Kise took it to the table and Midorima recognised a third cup.

"Aominecchi..." Kise said silently and Aomine finally got up and moved to the table, taking his place near Kise, across Midorima.

"So, what is it that you want to talk about Taka-chan, Midorimacchi?" Kise asked as he took a few sips from his tea.

Midorima had not thought at all about how to start to the topic and so he started thinking about it but for some reason he could not form coherent sentences in his mind so in the middle of the turmoil in his mind, his lips uttered, half consciously,

"Is it true?"

"Huh? What is?"

Midorima looked surprised to the surprised face of Kise and uttered with a childish innocence,

"That I am Takao's first love?"


	11. Chapter 11

_Some more Midorima freaking out, brooding, and being an all-round immature brat. Because I think he actually is inside when it comes to "feelings". Oh and a little bit more Aomine and Kise because they are awesome._

* * *

Kise was quite surprised but skilfully hid it and instead asked:

"Who told you that?"

"Yukimura."

"Why?"

"Does that mean it is true?"

"Explain it from the beginning" Aomine intervened and Midorima sighed,

"I... we... we have been having issues with Takao."

"Issues? What do you mean Midorimacchi?"

"You must know. I had a talk with him some time ago about revising his life and I think as part of that he is trying to be more self-dependent and rely less on me. It is okay but..."

"But?"

"He is avoiding me. He is blatantly avoiding me. He stopped driving me around the places, he even lied saying his car was giving weird noises as if after all these years I can't tell most of his lies. I am not sure why but he always looks sad and displeased when he meets me... which has become extremely rare. I have not even seen him smile, except a bit during my engagement dinner. And you know, he even stopped calling me Shin-chan..."

"Well weren't you the one told him not use that anymore?" Kise rebutted rather coldly and Midorima was surprised,

"He told you? Of course he told you... Okay, I did say that and I still stand with my point but this is just..."

"Just?"

"It is too abrupt. Too sudden. It is... disturbing me."

"Disturbing you?"

"I am not sure why or how but it is just messing my whole life okay? It just shatters our routine. My routine. I am feeling depressed and... I have been having dreams of him."

At the mention of the word dream Kise's eyes almost shone bright,

"What kind of dreams?"

"Uh, all kinds I guess... usually bizarre and rather sad ones. It is really messing with my head. Anyway... so I had decided that this was stupid, we are adults, if he is dissatisfied with something about me he should tell it to me and if he doesn't want to be friends with me anymore I will just end it. So I went to his apartment this morning to have a talk but Yukimura was there and Takao was out."

Midorima waited a few seconds for that to sink in the minds of his listeners but for some reason neither Aomine nor Kise seemed to mind Yukimura's existence at Takao's home, alone...

"And Takao had already rejected my offer to come over on Thursday night because he was having Yukimura! I don't get this. Had he stayed the whole three nights? When did they get so close?! And how could he leave practically a stranger in his house, alone..."

"He doesn't really count as a stranger."

"Nobody is a stranger to you Kise. You are just too friendly and reckless, like Takao in that. But he is a stranger. Just for how long Takao knows him anyway? I only recently heard of the guy so it cannot be too long..."

"Whatever, so you started talking with Yukimura?" Aomine asked to refocus the conversation,

"Just small talk... I cannot stand that man for some reason. Well, I know why: he is a silly jock. Very inappropriate for Takao. I don't know why he chose such an unqualified man; he could find a much better person. Whatever... we soon started arguing and he kept on emphasising that I don't know Takao well. That is ridiculous. I know Takao the best. We have known each other for years and just because he is sleeping with Takao since what one week? Two weeks? He suddenly knows Takao more than me? That's impossible."

"Huh? Why would you think that they are sleeping?"

"Why wouldn't they? They are lovers."

"No, they are not."

"They are not?"

"No."

"But they are so close..."

"Well they are close..."

"And he looks at Takao with different eyes..."

"Different eyes?"

"You must have noticed Kise! He looks at him with a special kind of affection and warmth."

"Wow you are a keen observer when it comes to Takao huh?" Aomine chimed in and a slight blush formed on Midorima's face,

"I just notice... Anyway, we ended up fighting. He said that I was arrogant."

"Well, you are arrogant Midorimacchi. Even the way you just described him was horrible." Kise admitted and Aomine continued,

"And really, how can you fight with a man like him? I mean the guy is pretty much an angel, way too nice. He reminds me that dude in Seirin, what was his name again? Their centre?"

"Kiyoshi Teppei?"

"Yes, yes that one. How can you manage to drive even a guy like that mad?!"

"I just said what I thought."

"Very nasty stuff, of course. Why do you not like him anyway? He is practically an angel as Aominecchi said."

"He is not an angel. Sure, he looks and sounds nice but that is superficial."

"How do you know? You've met the guy what... twice?"

"I just know. He does not match Takao, okay? Takao deserves better, as a friend or a boyfriend. Now that I know they are not even lovers, it looks worse: why does he have to attach himself to Takao like a leech? Always hanging out with him apparently. If he sticks that close to Takao it will disturb Takao's privacy. And he even cooks and cleans for him?! What does he think? He is Takao's mother? Or wife?!"

Midorima was very much irritated and the toxic irritation was seeping clearly from the way he pronounced the words as well as the changes in his tone. Kise simply sighed, albeit very much amused,

"You are just jealous, aren't you?"

"Huh?"

"You are jealous, Midorimacchi. For the first time in a long long time, Taka-chan is keeping his distance with you while he is getting closer to another... man. You are losing your, perhaps, very first real friend and this is making you feel incredibly possessive. You feel like he is taking your spot, your place. And you cannot stand that."

Aomine gave an inquisitive glance at Midorima,

"How old are you? Like five?"

Before Midorima could make a snide comment at that Kise continued,

"Be fair with him Aominecchi. He never really had much experience when it came to social bonds. I mean does he have any friends other than us and Taka-chan?"

"I do have... colleagues."

"Yes, colleagues, not friends."

Midorima sighed and slouched a little on the table on his elbows, his fingers moving to his temples and slowly massaging them,

"It is human nature to be possessive about your close relationships and Takao is the closest one I have ever had. I can admit that."

"Wow, after so many years, he actually _can _admit to that. Shall we have sekihan?"

Midorima gave an angry glare at Aomine and sighed but Kise leaned in closer to him from across the table with an understanding smile,

"It is okay as long as you understand. It is normal that you feel displeasure towards Yukimura, but he is really not a bad person and if you hurt him unnecessarily, I think Taka-chan would be hurt too. It is like if you hurt any of us unnecessarily, he would be displeased too right? Something like that... But I do understand you. It is hard. But this is part of growing up too right? It is just happening... a little late for you, that's all. So what happened afterwards?"

Midorima sighed and paused a second before he started,

"We fought. I did say some nasty things, obviously but he also said those things... of me not knowing Takao and all... I don't think that is true and I don't like hearing that. So I think in a fit of anger to show me that I was wrong he lied to me like that... saying that I was Takao's first love. Then I was so surprised... and also scared that he would say more things... so I stormed off the place..."

"Hmm... he said you _were_ Takao's _first love_; that's it?" Aomine asked with a questioning glance Midorima could not fathom why,

"Yes? Why?"

"Nothing, just trying to get the facts right."

Kise gave a sigh of relief a little at that, it seemed Midorima was still oblivious to Takao's current feelings, which was good for really, if Midorima was to hear of them the one to say it should have been Takao, not Yukimura. He knew very well from first hand experience how poisonous Midorima's tongue could be sometimes but no words Midorima uttered should have warranted Yukimura to expose Takao's secret like that and Kise was to reprimand the man on that the next time he saw him. "_They are both like children_" he thought but then a detail in Midorima's sentences sparked something else in his mind,

"Wait – you said '_lied_'?"

"Yes?"

"Why do you think he lied about that? Why would he?"

Upon Kise's question and what such a question would mean with respect to truth Midorima's hands fell from his temples to the temple in utter shock, he almost gave a yelp of surprise and spoke with a tone louder than before,

"It was true?! It is not possible. It is impossible. No way. It cannot be true... Is it? No..."

Both Aomine and Kise were surprised and disturbed by Midorima's almost defensive denial and Kise thought the worst for a second; he had never taken Midorima as a homophobe but could it be that he was still disgusted at the idea when he himself was the "interest"? It was Aomine who was calmer and asked Midorima calmly,

"Calm down and just tell us why do you think it is so impossible?"

"We are completely different."

"Huh?"

"We are opposites. In everything we do or like. He is too cheerful, too friendly, too laid-back, too popular... I am not like that. And I am cold to him mostly. I was much colder to him when we were in high school. Why would he ever fall in love with a person like me? Perhaps I have good social standing now, so it would be a factor if it was now, but why would he have a crush on me during high school?"

"Wait a second... Am I hearing this right or are you suggesting that you were not good enough for Takao?"

"I am not saying it as a matter of being good enough or not; I just should not be somebody who would interest him. He should not and would not have liked me."

"He has been your friend for over a decade you idiot, despite you having the tongue of a snake; if you were so opposite and incompatible do you think you two could stay as friends for so long?" Aomine said rather sharply, with a bothered face but Kise was simply surprised,

"Plus compatibility does not necessarily mean you two have to be the _same_. We have been together with Aominecchi for years but we are very different. We bicker a lot too."

Midorima was a bit confused hearing these rebuttals which honestly made sense to him a bit, even though they still sounded very improbable, then it hit him,

"He is a Scorpio."

"Huh? What's that got to do with this?"

"Scorpios have one of the best compatibilities with Cancer, only rivalled by Pisces."

"So?" Aomine said a little puzzled but Kise explained smiling,

"Midorimacchi is a Cancer."

"God! Midorima, you have been friends with the guy for years, and you care about his sign to think perhaps you two are indeed compatible?! I cannot believe you..."

"Don't be mean to Midorimacchi, for him assessing human relationships based on Zodiac signs is probably easier than relying on his actual social experience."

"So... he actually, really loved me when we were in high school? I was his first crush?"

Kise sighed and just looked at him and after a moment of pause Midorima closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and continued with a much calmer voice,

"Sorry. Don't answer that. Please. I should not have asked, I understand that you are not in a position to say more. You should not say more. Yukimura should not have said me either."

A silence was established then but Aomine broke it after a few seconds,

"So what are you going to do?"

"Nothing obviously."

"You should talk this with Takao" Kise suggested but Midorima quickly responded,

"No way!"

"Why?"

"You are his friend Kise, you must realise, how humiliating it would be for him. For me to hear something like this, his teenage crush for me from a current love prospect! I mean, I really would like him to estrange himself from that guy called Yukimura and what he did was definitely out of line but Takao should not be the one to carry the burden of this. If Takao wanted me to know, he would have told me. So I will respect to his decision and stay silent, and if he wishes to he will tell me one day."

"You really care about Takao's feelings and privacy huh?" Aomine murmured as he drank his tea,

"I... I do care about him, obviously, he is a... mate."

Aomine giggled at that almost spilling his tea and Kise smiled,

"You really are a huge tsundere."

"Stop making fun of me. I should not have come here." Midorima said as he started drinking his now slightly cold tea but really, he was feeling much better inside compared to when he first knocked the door of Kise and Aomine's apartment... he was feeling calmer. And for some reason, he felt loved. Though he would never admit it to anyone, at that point.

Kise later begged Midorima to stay for lunch so he did and they had lunch together. Midorima had to accept that Aomine's cooking skills had improved greatly over the time; "_those lessons he got from Kagami must have worked_" he thought. This reminded him Yukimura's words about Takao's cooking and he felt that he would like to try something Takao cooked. He wondered the taste. They almost never cooked for each other, if you don't count the porridge or instant soups prepared when taking care of the other during illness. Midorima believed he would actually make a good cook but he had never really tried, always too wary of the dangers the process posed for his hands, fingers... The risk was simply too much to take. After lunch, he thanked both of them and left without much chatting, he wanted to be alone to sort his thoughts and feelings out and Kise must have realised this that he did not insist for Midorima to stay; normally, whenever they dropped by – they being Takao and Midorima for God knows, Midorima almost never felt like paying Kise or Aomine a visit by himself, it was almost always Takao dragging him – Kise would insist on them to stay longer and longer.

When he got into his car though, he did not feel like going home at all, so instead he drove around the city a bit. As the knowledge of Takao's past crush on his sank in, further and further, more and more questions popped up in his mind. When had Takao first fall for him? Was it a love at first sight? "Could not have been" he thought, the few boyfriends of Takao he had met did not really look like him but they did follow the pattern of being athletic, tall but not as tall as himself, often with light brown hair and eyes... Though most were slightly brunette, now that he thought, what did they call such skin tone? "Sun-kissed" he recalled, yes "sun-kissed". Well, he himself was anything but sun-kissed in every meaning of the word: he rarely spent time outside and if he hated one thing the most at the beach it was sun bathing. He did not have a nice shade of brown as eyes nor as hair and he was much taller than those guys. But then, his personality was very different than theirs too, it seemed to Midorima. Honestly, he had never seen anybody like himself in Takao's life but then he had not met much people who were like himself anyway. So if it was not a love at first sight, when did Takao fall for him? Perhaps when he saw Midorima's skills in basketball? But Midorima recalled that Takao knew him from before, apparently, though Midorima could not remember the boy at all. Perhaps it was when they finally became a team, much closer with each other but Midorima could never put a finger on "when" that had actually happened. Takao and Kise often joked that they had to thank Kuroko for that, he was the one to cause a change in the "miracles" but Midorima was not so sure. He was not a brat anymore and looking back he could not and would not deny that Kuroko had had a positive influence over all of them, especially Aomine and Akashi, but there were other factors, other people too. There was much more than Kuroko about how he had come so attached to Shuutoku... There was Takao for example. His senpai. The coach. And Takao... most importantly him.

Had Takao ever dreamt of Midorima the way Midorima dreamt of him just the other day? Probably. He was an adolescent and such wet dreams were a normal part of adolescence ("_but not of adulthood!_" Midorima scolded himself internally). Had he ever imagined kissing Midorima? Not just in dreams at night but consciously during the day in those countless days and hours and minutes they spent together, had there ever been a time when Takao looked at him and smiled, so large, so bright, so happy; was he actually thinking of, imagining of kissing Midorima? Probably. That was how you would feel if you were ever in love with someone, Midorima believed but he would not or rather could not be certain for he never really truly fell in love. He had not spared much thought even during the dazzling days of puberty where his hormones raged; most of his energy was always spent at the court and he focused on his studies outside that. He had big plans and to achieve those he had to work hard; "love" was not a priority and seeing how flimsy it was, it did not seem much worthy to him either. He would hear whispers and rumours of girls and boys going out and doing this and doing that but a person who would claim great love for another, could be seen claiming great love for somebody else just a month later. Just how flippant this thing called "love" was? Surely not trustworthy or loyal. Thinking about how love always ended up disappearing, he wondered, what about Takao? When had he decided to not like Midorima anymore? When had he stopped loving Midorima? Midorima remembered very clearly the awkward and scary incident at the end of their third year, so Takao must have moved on by then. But exactly when? If he knew, if he could know, could he tell the difference before and after? Did Takao like or expect less of him afterwards, from then on?

It was strange now that he knew of this... surely just a few years, now they didn't seem too much, but thinking then, it was their universe, their eternity; just how had he not noticed? But then he had been so focused on being pampered by Takao, he had not paid much attention. But even now, despite thinking over and over, revisiting countless memories of moments shared together, moments of joy, moments of pain, moments of victory, moments of loss, he could not fathom a single moment when Takao's eyes looked more lovingly or less lovingly to him. It looked as though since he had ever started actually looking at Takao's face, it had been the same... Well, until now.

When Midorima finally entered his house, he decided that thinking more about the matter would only further feed his obsession so he decided to go through his work email and get ready into the work mode for tomorrow.

On the other side of the city, Kise was staring at his phone very frequently ever since Midorima had left but Aomine reprimanded him again.

"No. You cannot tell Takao."

"Why not?!"

"Midorima explicitly asked for it."

"Now you care about Midorimacchi's feelings?"

"No, but you probably do so after telling Takao you will feel all guilty and depressed. And I don't want that." Aomine said as he sipped from his coffee and going through the magazine where they had done an interview with him and Kagami as the star rivals of the league. Kise smiled fondly at Aomine upon hearing the so naturally said remarks... Ten years, no perhaps even five years ago, Aomine would blush to utter something like that for it revealed his over-caring nature in all things Kise... How the years went by and they grew up that Aomine could now easily utter his fondness so easily and naturally... Kise sighed with content and went over to snuggle near Aomine,

"Huh? What happened?"

"Nothing... I just wanted to be close."

"Um... okay?"

They stayed silent as Aomine looked at this page and that page with half interest and Kise laid his head on Aomine's shoulder, his face buried on Aomine's neck while his hands idly played with Aomine's shirt and Aomine slowly wrapped his arm around Kise's waist from behind...

"They will be all right."

"Huh?"

"Midorima and Takao. They will be all right."

"How do you say that? You saw how he freaked out even by the idea of being Taka-chan's crush at high school... I mean... I am going through in my head everything we talked and when we were talking I was hopeful but he is just so... uninterested and awkward about it. I don't know... I feel less hopeful now."

"Strange... you are the expert and the keenest observer in these kind of things but you are missing the point, perhaps because you fuss over Takao too much? You should coddle him less."

"Aominecchi..." Kise pouted a little and Aomine moved his head closer, caressing Kise's head slowly with his own chin, he mumbled smiling while his eyes were focused on the magazine,

"He was surprised that Takao liked him but it was not because (a) he was a heterosexual man, and (b) he was not disgusted or angry or frustrated at the idea. He was honestly surprised. And his surprise was because he thought 'Takao would not like him'..."

"So you think there is still hope?"

"I think they can and will be able to figure this out by themselves and you should worry less, coddle Takao less, and perhaps coddle me more..."

Kise giggled at that,

"You want to be coddled? That's the real reason right?"

"No comments."

Aomine was smirking but his eyes were looking at the magazine still, that is until Kise reached up, taking the magazine away from his hand and lightly throwing it to the floor... as his face also rose up, his lips kissing Aomine tenderly.


	12. Chapter 12

_I am convinced that adult Takao would love the liqueur Midori and any cocktail that includes it. Especially the Japanese Slipper, you can pretty much imagine him drinking it and winking to Midorima now and then as he sipped from the green liquid, just to mess with the poor guy..._

* * *

"Can you tell me again just why are we having a party for me making it to playoffs? I always make it to playoffs."

"It's not just for you, it's for Kagami too."

"We _both_ always make it to playoffs."

"But this is the sixth time you have done so!"

"It is because it is our sixth year in our professional league career."

"Whatever. I just wanted to party."

"You would just go to a party at a club or something, like the other time you dragged us to that bar's weekend party..."

"I just wanted to hold a party, maybe. Can't you just go with it?"

"You are planning something aren't you?"

"Jeez Aominecchi, why would you think so? I am not a calculating person."

"Oh you are. You are when it comes to people and relationships."

"Come on..."

"I still remember clearly the big mess after you tried to match Tetsu and Satsuki a few years ago."

"Ah... well, Momocchi liked him for years, it is understandable that I will help my friends."

"It did end up with her bawling her eyes out for days though."

"It is not my fault, I never expected Kurokocchi to so angrily and bluntly and absolutely reject her like that. He had never done that before, he was always caring towards her."

"If you push a guy so much and put in the spot in front of so many people, he will have to. You guys forced him to."

"Oh... so you do believe his actions were understandable? One wonders then why did you go all batshit crazy big brother on him? Huh?"

"That is another matter..."

Kise giggled and tried to imitate Aomine's low voice with a threatening tone to it,

"'_Look Tetsu, you are my buddy, but if you humiliate and make Satsuki cry like that again, in front of everyone too, I'll crush you. Into a pulp. You talk properly with her. You treat her right._'"

"God damn that little ghost! He was not supposed tell you guys that..."

"You know we all like it when you are overprotective about us and it is especially cute when it's for Momocchi..."

"She is like a sister to me!"

"I know. Calm down... You don't have to be so tense... hehe, God you are so cute."

"I am not cute. Whatever. All I'm saying is, meddling in others' affairs is not a good habit..."

"Okay, okay, I promise this will be the last."

Aomine looked at Kise in exhaustion and sighed,

"I know you won't keep that promise but whatever, let's hope... So, what do you need from me?"

It turned out that Kise did not need much from Aomine, other than reserving a private booth in Himuro's bar; Himuro was more lenient to Aomine's requests than Kise's, reasonably as Aomine was a silent casual drinker whereas Kise was quite a handful bursting into dancing or singing loudly. The factor of Aomine's personality reminding him of his dear friend Kagami probably helped too but years ago when Kise had first realised this particular tenderness towards Aomine, he had felt very jealous. He had soon, though, learnt through a not-so-nice series of occurrences that first, Himuro was straight as an arrow, and second Himuro hate jealousy and being a target due to it, and third – and this was the most important one – Himuro had absolutely no patience to any insinuation of anything beyond friendship between Kagami and himself for apparently he treated Kagami very much as a younger brother. Their relationship had later improved again, and special thanks for that was to Kagami, still Kise found it easier to ask Aomine to do it in his stead whenever a favour with Himuro was the matter. And Aomine asked and Himuro agreed, while Kise had invited and of all those he invited (which constituted all of the Teikou regulars and Takao), only Akashi had to politely decline as he was outside the country on a business trip that day, however Momoi was still in Tokyo and would attend.

"You didn't come driving right Midorimacchi?" Kise wanted to check as Midorima, 7:30 pm sharp entered the booth they had booked, right on the clock. "Yes, I did not as you made it very clear that even if I did not want to drink you would tie me up and force me to drink, Kise."

"You threatened him?" Aomine raised an eyebrow as Midorima moved towards Aomine to sit, he preferred sitting near Aomine than Kise; in terms of drunken company, Aomine was always the less harmful and more stable one.

"Well, he has to drink! It is a party after all..." Kise smiled sheepishly. They ordered some snacks as they waited others to arrive, the first to arrive after Midorima was Momoi and then Kuroko and Kagami. Murasakibara came with a large pretty box at hand, "I brought cake" he announced impassively while Kise and Momoi jumped up and down at the news of a cake, almost like a bunch of children at a birthday party and Kuroko gave them a silently judging glance till Murasakibara added, "it's covered with my special vanilla cream" and Kuroko turned to Kagami right away, "Can you go and get some plates from Himuro-kun? And some forks and a large knife? For the cake?" Kagami chuckled as he got up and that was the moment when, like so often the case Takao entered the room at last, as the diva. In most parties, assuming Akashi was not to come or Akashi did not see any need to be on time, it was either Takao or Kise who would end up being late, and otherwise it would be Akashi. Then, there was the case of Aomine, who, if not coming with Kise could pretty much come an hour or two later than the designated time out of simple forgetfulness. He was not really fond of meet-ups, especially when it involved the setting which Kise deemed to be a "party"; it almost always meant a night of drunken follies which turned out to be more painful than pleased set of memories and or consequences for Aomine.

Kise pulled Takao to sit between himself and Momoi such that he himself was sandwiched between Midorima and Takao, which was not a common situation but not that anybody minded; except Aomine that is, since he had to endure Murasakibara's constant munching on one side and Midorima's stoic stare on the other, instead of sitting near his overtly cheerful boyfriend. He had to endure it though, he had promised Kise.

The night went on without much problems, various chit chats of various topics dominated the first two hours but by the third hour the conversations got slower and sillier and the words started slurping. Aomine preferred not to drink much as he wanted to be as sober as possible when receiving the award for his obedience to Kise's whims later that night when they returned home. Kise, similarly and surprisingly was not drinking as much as he would otherwise. Kagami was, like almost always, first one to get drunk and his childish antics and giggles were the focus of attention as he bickered with Aomine and Murasakibara. Murasakibara in general did not drink anyway. Kuroko was quite tipsy himself and Momoi took this as a good opportunity to flirt with him; she was over him in more ways than one but flirting with Kuroko had almost become a second nature for her. Takao started feeling intoxication only after the concoction Kise almost begged him to drink: an almost glowing Japanese Slipper.

Takao was reluctant to drink it at first, mumbling "I told you that I stopped drinking that" but Kise was adamant and Takao could not resist it; honestly, he loved almost any and all cocktails that involved "Midori". The name, the colour; it was almost tailor made for his cheesy crush and its sweet taste only added an ironic twist for him. Midori Sweetheart or Midori & Ginger, and of course the classic Japanese Slipper... He loved them. And what he loved the most was drinking them in front of Midorima, who for years still never got the message; it was so blatant yet so inconspicuous at the same time that Takao could not resist. He had been trying his best though, as part of his greater plan to move away from Midorima for some time now, still he thought, "_one or two glasses tonight will not change much_"...

An hour or two later he would be proven wrong...

"Aw! Kagamicchi started giggling again..."

Looking at where Kise pointed, Takao also saw Kagami, who was now almost crushing Kuroko underneath his large build, to be sleeping so soundly yet giggling, like a small child. Kuroko was not amused but the sight caused Takao to burst out laughing,

"He is so cute! You both are cute! Come 'ere I'll kiss ya!"

Perhaps one or two glasses did matter when they multiplied so fast, not just in number and diversity too... Not that Takao was someone who would get drunk easy, at best he was still what would one normally call "very tipsy" and not fully drunk but he loved acting as one and becoming a "kissing monster" was his thing. Kuroko was furious though you could not realise it in the calm tone of his voice or how his words slurped a little since he was rather tipsy too:

"No. No, please Takao-kun."

"Aw you are so mean."

Momoi had left earlier so Takao was situated right between Kuroko and Kise, he turned his attention to Kise then,

"But I can kiss you right Ki-chan?"

"You can always kiss me Taka-chan"

Takao almost jumped on Kise, giving a big bear hug and a nice little peck on his cheek while Aomine simply looked annoyed and Midorima, who seemed to be very drunk by now stared on.

If one was to define Midorima's personality when drunk, a single word would suffice: boring. Midorima was utterly boring when drunk. He would stay silent and simply watch others. Look on and on. Only good or interesting part would be that he would become a little bit more obedient so it was not that hard to take him back home; you told that it was time to go now, he would get up. No fuss. No fights. No caprices. It was boring.

"Oh but Aomine you are looking so displeased, you want a kiss too?" Takao asked mocking and hurled himself on top of Kise almost reaching to Aomine but Midorima was obviously in the way and Aomine quickly moved further back– hitting Murasakibara in the process, who was watching the parade gleefully.

"Stop being an ass Takao... You are the worst of them all."

"Aw why would you say that Aomine? Murasakibara, can I kiss you?"

"Why not?" Murasakibara mumbled and leaned forward his huge upper body, squeezing Aomine tight in the process, and Takao gave a small peck to Murasakibara's forehead.

"That is so cute!" Kise said cheerfully and they heard a thump, looking at the other side of the table it seemed Kagami fell down.

"I think we should go. Could you take us home Murasakibara-kun? You didn't drink tonight right?"

Murasakibara nodded and got up, picked Kagami from the floor like an adult would pick a child and secured him on his back,

"We'll be out then..."

"But I still didn't kiss you Kurokoooo" Takao screamed, pronouncing the "o" so long and so perfectly with his mouth that Kise burst out laughing and Kuroko gave him a dirty glare,

"Yes, yes Takao-kun and hopefully you will never. It was a good party Kise-kun. Thanks. See you guys!"

And the trio left the room, leaving only Aomine, Midorima, Kise, and Takao behind.

"Well then only one left to kiss is Midorimacchi huh?" Kise said with a cheeky voice,

"Ha?" Takao looked at Midorima who was staring at his face like a zombie. He couldn't help but laugh,

"Ah Ki-chan, I think that is impossible... even for a drunk Shin-chan."

Ah, his intoxicated mind and heart could not stick to his personal decisions apparently as the nickname flowed so naturally out of his mouth but he did not mind really, he was very tipsy anyway and Midorima looked very drunk.

"Oh come on, at least you should ask him! You asked all of us, he will feel left out!" Kise said giggling as he sipped from his Pina Colada,

Takao giggled further and then leaned forward towards Midorima, making a dramatic face, pouting his lips a little,

"What do you say Shin-chan? I can't possibly kiss you, can I?" he said and Midorima simply stared at him, awkwardly, silently, and strangely like he had been throughout the night and Takao burst out laughing,

"See I told you" he said, luckily the alcohol level in his blood prevented the gimmick from becoming coated in melancholy and he moved back to his spot giggling, Kuroko re-entered the room then,

"Apparently I left Kagami-kun's phone somewhere here..." he said a lot tipsy and a little confused, Aomine picked up the phone from the table to the air to give it to Kuroko and at that moment something that nobody expected happened.

Midorima Shintarou, the second tallest man among his friends after the giant that is Murasakibara, almost hurled himself forward towards Takao, crushing Kise underneath him in the process, holding Takao's face within the palm of one of his hands while his other hand held onto the left arm of the raven haired man. Midorima kissed Takao.

Midorima kissed Takao with the passion of a lover who was just reunited with their beloved. Midorima kissed Takao with the enthusiasm of a very young man allowed to realise his fantasies for the first time. Midorima kissed Takao with the hunger of a starved beast devouring its prey, finally.

They kissed and kissed and kissed. It seemed as though it would never end, the split seconds their lips would separate Midorima would attack, right away, again, after a slight lick or a small nibble. As seconds passed and their tempo rose up and fell down in continuous bursts, like a fiery dance of tango, and it seemed Midorima could not stop, that he would not stop...

Kise mumbled "he is quite skilled" despite the pain he was in under the heavy weight of the large man on him and Aomine was speechless with his hand still up in the air, holding the dangling mobile phone... Kuroko was blinking uncontrollably in disbelief but not able to tear his eyes away either.

It was so unexpected at first Takao did not understand what was happening... It was like how drunk people, when thrown into the sea may have a hard time realising the perilous situation they are in and end up drowning a little even if they are great swimmers... It was like that. He was intoxicated very much and it was the least thing he expected, being thrown into such a deep ocean of pure desire that he was not ready, he could not help but drown a little. Return the kisses, the licks, the nibble, the touches a little.

When you are in an unrequited love for a long, long time you come to a point that there has been nothing left that you have not done to your love interest in your mind; you may not have even held their hand once, but you have probably done anything lovely and anything wicked or even worse to them in your mind and dreams and fantasies, in those lonely nights in bed or elsewhere... And perhaps that is the most terrifying thing about the unrequited loves, not only for the love interest who becomes unknowingly a subject or at worst an object in the imaginary world of the lover, but it is terrifying for the lover as well. For you start loving not the real person that you know but the mirage that keeps you company in your own little imaginary world. It may come to the point that if you are given the right, finally the award of realising that very desire you may end up dissatisfied for who you receive, you who share yourself with ends up being a very, very different person than the one in your imagination.

And it was very different... it was very very different than all the times Takao had imagined Midorima kissing him. The point that was both very heartbreaking and captivating though was that he loved it; he loved it. He loved it regardless of how it fit with his fantasies. He loved the taste. He loved the lips. He loved the feeling. He loved how he simply could not define this kiss... These kisses. It was neither solely tender nor rough, it was neither solely calm nor passionate, it was a bit of both, it was a bit of everything, it was both slow savouring of a luxury wine and enthusiastic quenching of the thirst with water... It was everything.

And it was nothing.

Takao's half closed hazy eyes flashed open and he gave a slight push to Midorima to drive him away as well as a light slap on the face.

That brought everyone to reality, as well as Takao, who had really sobered up.

His eyes were big and shocked, and scared to be frank, his lower lip, already swollen and red, trembled a bit as he screamed at Midorima,

"What the heck do you think you are doing?! It's not funny!"

Midorima looked at him with utter innocuousness.

"Well I am out. And I _did not_ see that." Kuroko said, grabbing the phone from Aomine's hand and quickly leaving the room. Aomine on the other hand helped move Kise up a little and pull him to his own side so that the blond was not being crushed under Midorima.

"I am talking to you! Are you kidding with me? That was not funny!"

"You are... angry?" was all Midorima said and Takao shouted,

"Hell yeah! I am angry!"

And the second miracle of the night happened as Midorima sniffed loudly, once, twice, thrice... Then large drops of tears suddenly started flowing from his eyes as he looked at the furious face of Takao in a rather difficult position, holding onto the table for even though he was sitting he was having a hard time to keep himself in balance.

Takao was mortified.

It was very rare he had seen Midorima cry but never like this. No, never like this. It was as if he had turned into a child and was crying after being unfairly reprimanded by his mother. He cried so sincerely, sobbing like a child that Takao's anger and shock faded away as quickly as they came and he held out his hand caressing the cheek of the man in front of him and upon touch, as if that was the cue, Midorima threw himself over Takao again, this time hiding his face on the nape of the smaller man, still sobbing as Takao a little awkwardly but very gently combed the green hair with his fingers... "Shhh... it's okay, I am not mad anymore..." he mumbled.

A little disturbed at the unexpected sight in front of him, Aomine glanced at Kise inquisitively, and Kise looked as surprised as he was. Soon the sobbing and wailing slowed down and got quieter and quieter then it stopped. It happened so fast that they were all shocked. "Um... Shin-chan?"

No response came and then Takao started hearing the very light snoring of the large man who had sprawled himself all over him. He sighed and looked at Kise with confusion on his face,

"What's wrong with him?!"

"I don't know! You are the Midorimacchi expert!"

"I don't know either... I have never seen him like... that... and that... thing he did... Ah whatever. I mean he drank a lot but still... How much did he drink?"

"Well he drank 3 glasses of wine. That I know of and ordered as part of all our drinks. Hmm... but there are some extra glasses here that are not mine.. Kise, did you order these shots?"

"Huh? Ah yeah, but you drank them right?"

"No... I did not drink any shots. I only drank some light beer."

"Oh My God... could it be that Midorimacchi was the one who drank my absinthe shots?"

"You ordered absinthe shots?!" Takao exclaimed,

"Well yeah I thought why not get hammered well tonight... So I ordered some shots but after the first one I felt a little hit hard so I thought I would drink the others later but the next I look they are empty... Oh God... when they had first come and Midorimacchi had inquired what they were I had asked him to try jokingly but he had just 'tch'ed. When I saw the shot glasses empty I thought Aominecchi had drunk them!"

"I cannot believe you! You know he has no tolerance for alcohol... he should not have drunk that much. Oh what will I do now... God..." Takao looked at Midorima with concern.

"I am really sorry Taka-chan... How could I know... Anyway, he won't be able to go home like that, let me ask Himuro to call a cab for him."

"He cannot go alone with a cab..." Takao paused for a second then continued,

"Do ask Himuro to call a cab, I'll tag along and ensure he gets home safely... Ah, stupid Shin-chan drinking stuff he does not know."

When a waiter knocked the door and announced that the cab had come, Kise helped Takao walk Midorima to the car, they hugged and Kise said sorry again but Takao was calmer now and asked him not to worry about it. "It is not your fault" he said with a slightly sad smile as he also got into the car.

When Kise made it back to the private booth they had reserved Aomine was sprawled over their seats, giving a very judging stare over Kise,

"What?" Kise asked, innocently,

"You are a devil." Aomine responded and Kise giggled, almost skipped to the side of Aomine and threw himself near his boyfriend. His Pina Colada was still not finished so he sipped from it a bit looking at Aomine with eyes of an innocuous child,

"Why do you say that?" he asked with a slight pout,

Aomine moved a little closer to his lover and pushed a few strands of unruly blond hair behind the pretty ear of Kise; "_does every feature of him have to look so beautiful?_" he thought as his thumb caressed the side of Kise's face, his ears.

"You stopped having absinthe shots after that time in Ibiza last summer when you took a few of them when you were already pretty drunk and you were so intoxicated and had such a huge hangover the next day and you spent almost 3 days in bed... '_I hate this vacation! I'll never drink that poison again!_' you bawled and bawled and never drank it again."

"Oh well..." Kise said as he gulped down the last drops of his cocktail and leaned to his back, Aomine now playing with his hair.

"So why? Why would you make Midorima drunk? It was surely you who did it."

"Perhaps..."

"You won't tell me why? I am seriously curious. Sure that... weird thing he pulled was crazy. But it could not have been expected? I mean normally he is such a boring drunk... Even Kagami who spends most of his drunk time sleeping giggles and talks in his sleep and is so a bit fun to watch but Midorima just stares blankly and says nothing."

"Yeah right... seems so. The kiss by the way, was totally unexpected. I really did not expect them. He is quite skilful too, isn't he?"

Aomine 'tch'ed at that as he was always a little pissed off when Kise made these type of comments and honestly because he would be a little pissed that Kise made these type of comments. He leaned towards the blond and licked his literally sweet and intoxicating lips, covered and soaked in various alcoholic beverages throughout the night. He continued with a kiss that was neither chaste nor aggressive; if anything, it was a lovely aperitif for their night to come...

"So, why?" Aomine asked as he separated himself a little from Kise looking into the honey coloured eyes and Kise smiled,

"God... I could never keep a secret from you... it is a miracle I kept it a secret so far."

"What secret?" Aomine's eyebrow rose out of curiosity,

"You remember how I held a party like this when Taka-chan first joined to that prestigious school as a teacher? You couldn't come because you were out of town?"

"Yes?"

"Taka-chan left that party early when he got a call from his sister, who apparently had a small accident with her car... and we had forced Midorimacchi to drink too and he was pretty drunk already since he gets drunk fast, and he was in no shape to go together with Taka-chan so when he left, I was tasked with taking Midorimacchi home."

"And?"

"And, as we rode on a taxi to our respective homes, I discovered out of pure luck that our little Midorimacchi was not just a boring drunk."

"Can't you just say it?"

"Fine fine... so I jokingly told him that even though he did not like me at all I was the one helping him again and that he should like me a bit perhaps, '_can't you like me? I am such a good friend!_' I told him. He looked into my eyes with the most innocent and honest gaze I have ever seen him give and he said, '_but Kise I already like you the most after Takao... well Akashi too, I like you both a lot._'"

"What?!" Aomine's face read pure bewilderment and Kise chuckled,

"He said it. And I was like '_you sure?_' and he was '_yes! Of course! You are very helpful... I like Akashi a lot too and he is helpful but he is always cryptic and too serious about it, you are very nice... you are such a good person._' Then I asked him what else did he think about me and he said things like '_you are so cheerful, it is a bit irritating sometimes but it feels good too_' and '_you are so beautiful_'."

"You are fucking kidding with me."

"Nope... then I asked him other things too. And he obediently answered with all honesty. Midorimacchi isn't a boring silent drunk. He is a super obedient and super honest drunk. Just ask him and he will tell you."

"But hey, if that is the case how come you never asked him about Takao?"

"Well I learnt this recently myself too right... Plus I was always afraid of knowing to be honest. What if he said he did not like him in that way? How could I live with that knowledge as I watched Taka-chan continue loving the man? So I decided that it was not a good idea to get Midorimacchi drunk in the first place, God forbid somebody asked or discovered this..."

"But you did tonight?" Aomine was puzzled and did not understand his boyfriend's logic but Kise was glad to explain as he wrapped his arms around Aomine and they slightly sank further onto the comfortable seating beneath them,

"Because of you! You Aominecchi planted the idea in my head! You said that Midorimacchi was not 'disturbed' by the idea at all so I wondered... Isn't the main problem between them right now is that neither wants to face the other regarding the changing dynamics of their relationship? What better way to make Midorimacchi honest to achieve that? So far it has been good..."

"Ah... as I said, you are a devil." Aomine said as he leaned down to kiss Kise, who raised his whole body a little higher with desire,

"Oh you have seen nothing of the devil yet, but you will, very soon tonight..." he whispered into their kiss.


	13. Chapter 13

_(Here, have some shameless fluff. I like to think that Midorima deserved it. And I know I deserved it. Fluff is the best, even if it causes cavities when taken in large amounts.)_

* * *

Midorima slept peacefully throughout the journey home, once at the door, not sure how much of an effort it would take to put Midorima to bed, Takao decided to let the taxi go; he could always walk home afterwards, it was not that far from Midorima's and it was not that late either...

The walk to Midorima's apartment did not prove much of an issue, when they were in front of his building Takao had shook him carefully and slightly, informing him that they had come and he had to get up. Midorima did and despite his dazed and drunk stare and constant wobbling, he obediently walked upstairs, only burdening Takao minimally. Luckily, Midorima's apartment was not high up either.

Instead of trying to fish out the keys from somewhere on Midorima, Takao used the copies he had; Midorima had given him keys to his apartment when he had first moved. "You may need it, so just in case" he had said then. The moment they stepped in, as though he could simply lose it now that they were at their destination, Midorima simply fell to the ground first face forward, catching himself with his hands just a second before impact and then tumbling to sideways so that he was lying on this back... on the floor of the hallway. Takao sighed with a tad bit of amusement,

"Come on Shin-chan... you cannot lie on the ground. Get up. We need to get you to your bedroom."

Midorima blinked a few times to Takao, slightly nodded, and raised his hand.

"Huh?" Takao looked puzzled at Midorima who only returned the same puzzled look, then Takao asked,

"You... You want me to help you up?"

"Un..." was all that was heard with another slight nod and Takao couldn't help but giggle; he knew Midorima would turn rather docile when drunk but he had never had to deal with him like this before as almost the only times Midorima ever got drunk was when they were drinking at home and it was very rare even then. Takao pulled Midorima up using both of his hands and boy, was Midorima heavy even just to pull up,

"Ah you should lose some weight Shin-chan..." Takao said as he dragged the man who was wobbling at his feet even worse now for some reason, perhaps he had used any bits of sobriety and energy he had at the stairs, only thinking of bearing it till reaching home... Takao remembered saying something like that during their taxi ride, "_just bear with it till we reach home Shin-chan_" or something...

"I did... I lost weight..." mumbled Midorima as Takao tried his best not to drop the large man while he tried to open the door of his bedroom,

"Well you do seem thinner indeed... still too heavy for me to carry though." he said as he dragged Midorima to bed; his room was as neat as the rest of the house, when did he find the time to clean and organise? He worked so many hours too... Takao could never understand.

"I... don't eat well..." said Midorima as he was laid on the bed, staring and blinking at Takao now and then, a broken smile formed on Takao's face,

"You don't have an appetite?"

"Hm... yes..." Midorima mumbled, slurping on every word gave him a childish façade and Takao found his face flushed pink from alcohol to be rather cute too,

"We should take you to a nice restaurant... and you will regain it." Takao said as he removed Midorima's glasses and put them on the nightstand near the bed.

"Well, I should go now..." he said then in a quieter voice, smiling but before he could move an inch, Midorima suddenly grabbed his left arm,

"No!"

His face was almost pained and Takao was extremely surprised how upset he had cried the "no",

"Why?"

"You cannot go..." mumbled Midorima then snuggled closer to the edge of the bed, gripping Takao's arm even stronger as he buried his own face in his pillow.

"Shin-chan..."

Takao sighed,

"You don't want me to go?"

"I don't want..."

"But I have to go..."

"No."

"Why not?"

"You... you will disappear. Stay... stay with me."

Takao smiled at this and held Midorima's hand that was squeezing his arm, he held the wrist with one hand strongly and with his other hand slowly resolved Midorima's grip, instead holding the hand with his own as he crouched near the bed.

"I will not disappear..."

Midorima did not reply and Takao thought perhaps that he had fallen asleep,

"Shin-chan?"

"Hn..."

Takao couldn't help but giggle, then he leaned a little forward and whispered,

"Fine... I will stay."

Midorima turned his buried face then and Takao saw Midorima's wet eyes for the second time that night, he released his hand holding the wrist and slowly caressed the green locks while he continued squeezing Midorima's hand in his own...

"You... you will?" Midorima asked and his voice was the quietest and softest Takao had ever heard and broken and shaky, he simply smiled and said "Yes" in return. Then he rose up and softly pushed the large man a little to the other side of the bed and lied near him, still holding the hand. Midorima then did something Takao had not expected; without releasing his hand from Takao's grip, he turned to his side, towards Takao and wrapped his other arm around Takao's such that he was holding tight the arm where Takao had already connected them through their hands. It was a childish, selfish, and possessive gesture; like a child trying to assure themselves that their parent would not leave them at night, right after seeing a nightmare... Takao smiled and gave a small peck to Midorima's forehead.

Somewhere deep inside him a voice cried "_This is bad. This is very bad!_" but Takao preferred to ignore it; sure his heart hurt a bit but it fluttered even more... It was very rare to see a needy Midorima, in all these years he had perhaps seen him needy only few times when the green haired man fell terribly ill... and never so childishly innocent like this, to be honest. So it made him happy. It made him happy despite knowing that he could not treat these kinds of moments as sources of his happiness forever; he had to move on somehow, but Midorima's honest cry reminded him that even at that he had to be careful, thoughtful, unselfish... If it was anybody's fault that he was hurt because of this love, it was his own; Midorima never asked to be loved by Takao, no, it was him who chased Midorima, it was him who fell for Midorima, it was him who dug a greater and greater home for himself inside Midorima's life and leaving abruptly would only leave a gaping hole...

Unrequited loves were always selfish, by definition, and further selfishness to end it, Takao thought, would be unfair to Midorima. He had made the man who was not dependent on anybody to depend on himself; he could not leave him alone now.

How can you find a way back from love to friendship? How could he learn to become _only friends_ with Midorima again? Was it even possible? Had he ever been _only friends _with Midorima? He could not strictly and specifically remember when he had moved on from being a friend to love... He liked to think it was love at first sight but was it, really? His love for Midorima had grown so naturally and natural that he had almost come to feel that he was born with that love; it was so hard to find its origin now, with the slightest hope that the origin could hold the cure... But he would have to find a way back.

His own forgotten intoxication started seeping into his mind, clouding his thoughts and he pulled the blanket over themselves tightly, then slowly his eyes closed into a deep, peaceful sleep... The last thing Takao heard as he fell asleep was the silent breathing of Midorima who slept next to him.

When Midorima Shintarou woke up the next morning, before he could even open his eyes, the first thing he felt was a horrible headache... His head felt so heavy that he almost feared opening his eyes, his fear was also further augmented by the fact that he could not remember anything and his mind was in turmoil, not a morning daze, no, not at all, but a scenery of utmost ruin and destruction... For a couple of seconds he tried to calm himself down as much as he could and then dared to open his eyes, he realised the interior of his own bedroom, which made him very happy. Shyly, his gaze fell over to his side and he saw emptiness. What else was he expecting?

Well... He had had a rather interesting dream, again of Takao of course and this time the details were not as vivid as most of his dreams had been previously. Instead, this time, it was all in a haze, tinted with all colours of the rainbow, very blurry moments of passion and kindness; he dreamt of a kiss, he could still feel the tingling he felt on his lips, but he could not remember much – was he the one who had initiated the kiss? Or was he being kissed? Where were they as they kissed? Why did they kiss? The next moments, he could partially remember, were of them lying on bed and mumbling things, he could not remember what, all he could remember was how the ceiling of his room had turned into a night sky of a thousand twinkling stars... He had never thought himself as much of a romantic but he had to admit that perhaps there was a side of him that was a little.

It took Midorima exactly 10 minutes to raise up and sit down on the bed; not that he counted, but if anybody did they would probably be disturbed and or fascinated by this natural exactness. Since he already felt dizzy, it took him almost another 10 minutes – no, this time not exactly 10 – to get up completely. Another 2 minutes was spent leaning over to the nightstand as he ensured that his balance came back to him and he was not wobbling. When he finally made a few steps towards his door, he also finally realised the stench on him as well as his crumpled clothing; so he took off his jeans and tshirt such that he was only in his boxers. His stomach was aching in emptiness but he still felt nauseous and all he wanted to do first was to soak himself thoroughly in cold water. He needed a shower, desperately a shower. So he moved out of his room towards the bathroom but that was when he smelled food. Was one of his neighbours cooking with their windows open? It did not seem plausible though, he did not remember ever smelling food when other people in his flat cooked... He was about to ignore it and continue to bathroom when he also heard a mumbling from his living room, where his partially open kitchen was also found. He was puzzled. Then it hit him: could it be that he had come home with somebody? He had once, just once, after being forced to drink with his class mates at university had taken someone he did not know home. He had realised it the next morning as well as what kind of activities he had engaged with the person and he had felt so ashamed, so disgusted by himself... He did not like the idea of engaging in intimate acts with a stranger when his mind was incapacitated. If some people liked it, it was their preference, but it was surely not his. He had been careful since then, if ever, to only drink a lot when he was near very close friends, and it had been such a case last night but perhaps... Another realisation hit him then: could it be that the so realistic dreams he thought he had were actually influenced by memories shared with another but repainted with Takao's image to ease his suffering and sooth his soul? Ideas, plausible and implausible, smart and stupid, appropriate and inappropriate flooded his mind but he tried his best to stand still and strong and then he stomped to the living room, opening the door in an instance, ready to face whatever mistake he had done last night...

The sight welcomed him was not one of the various ideas that had popped up in his mind a moment earlier though. No, it definitely was not. There was Takao, wearing one of his – Midorima's own – sweatpants, and understably they were too long and too large for him that their bottoms were rolled up to his ankles and the waist was sliding down a little exposing slightly parts of his hips... He was wearing his own sleeveless undershirt, a white tank top that was well fitting to his leanly muscled upper body. He was humming a tune while chopping something but when Midorima entered he had turned back from the kitchen counter towards the door to Midorima. He smiled then to Midorima. And Midorima could swear to God that at that split second the sunshine that was already gleefully enlightening the room simply burst a few degrees brighter and Takao said "Good morning" and Midorima felt powerless at his knees and held on to the door to not fall down. Takao almost leapt right to him then with concern,

"Jeez... Shin-chan be careful, you should not walk around if you are not feeling well yet..."

"I... I am... I was feeling well." Midorima mumbled and brought himself up, a little disturbed that Takao helped him move to one of the chairs decked near the kitchen island slash dinner table. Once seated Midorima looked at Takao again a little guilty and a little confused and Takao smiled, again, and yes, sunshine was definitely brighter now,

"Well... How much do you remember?"

The possibilities the question could point to sent Midorima's on a craze but the reason blew the whistle like a very impartial referee and stopped them: he had to be rational and neutral.

"Not much... I remember I drank... a lot, I think."

"That's a good start. You did drunk a lot apparently. It seems you also drank some pretty heavy stuff. Then you were so drunk that I had to bring you home and... you didn't look so good so I stayed the night."

"I see..."

Takao moved towards the kitchen counter again to return to his work,

"I am preparing some porridge and some soup... do you think you will be able to eat anything? You didn't eat much last night either... alcohol in an almost empty stomach is never a good idea."

"Yeah..." Midorima mumbled as he watched Takao. For some reason his eyes noted Takao's exposed hip bone too much to his liking; why was he realising this so much right now? Legacy of the alcohol in his veins, it must be, he concluded. He shook his head a little to bring himself to reality but it only brought him a whirlwind of dizziness. Then he asked, quite a bit of guilt present in his voice,

"Did... did I do anything improper? I... I don't remember much about last night."

Takao wanted to lie but he also did not want to lie and knew he could not really lie so he said the truth but a very neat summary of the truth:

"Ah you were crazy! So yeah, I guess it was 'improper' for you..." he paused for a second then continued, "all is cool though, nothing bad, don't worry."

"Okay" was Midorima's response, almost as a whisper... He was both afraid and curious to know just how "crazy" he had been and did his dreams, at least this time, had any connection with reality... Moments passed then, perhaps five or ten minutes, Midorima sat there watching Takao cook as the sun rays hit his figure from the side and he hummed a cheerful tune. There was no other noise. There was not a single other being in his home. And Midorima felt content. And peaceful. He felt perhaps more peaceful than he had ever been in a month or so...

Takao finished preparation of his soup and turned his face to Midorima, leaning on the counter,

"Were you going to take a shower?"

"Huh? Yes, actually..."

"Yeah, I figured, you are pretty much half naked."

"Ah!" was Midorima's response and an immediate slight blush on his cheeks; indeed he had been literally sitting there, conversing and then doing nothing but watching Takao... in his boxers. Only.

"How improper..." he grumbled with a low voice, angry at himself more than anything as he carefully slipped off the chair – he did not want to lose his balance in front of Takao again, his pride could not, would not take it! – and he mumbled as he moved out the living room,

"I'll go take a shower."

"Sure" Takao said giggling and Midorima gave back an angry glare and as well as groan of "Takao!".

Truthfully, he was happy. He was happy that Takao was making fun of him. He was happy that he had just given an angry glare to Takao. He was happy that he had groaned Takao's name. And he was even happy that Takao had received the said groan with a wink. It felt normal. It felt like always. This... this was their routine. This was them. This was the life Midorima had gotten used to over the years and he really, really did not want this to be disturbed in any way. He liked his life and that included the large chunks of it with Takao. These thoughts occupied him in the shower, he felt alive again as the cold water soaked his pale skin and at one point he opened his mouth too – it felt as though he had been submerged in an unholy mud all these winks and this morning he was being baptised with holy water; that's almost how it felt. The cold water cleansed his skin, his body and now his insides... he imagined, as he felt the chill wetness spreading inside his mouth and massaging his throat. Then he remembered in a flash, perhaps induced by just how focused he was with his mouth now, perhaps that thing they called body memories had some truth in it, for he remembered the taste. He remembered the taste of the kiss from last night and the sight of two clear blue eyes looking at him with awe and hunger... His own closed eyes under the shower shot open and for a second he lost his balance falling down undesirably loudly and unnecessarily painfully. "Ah" he wailed in pain and hoped, begged, prayed to God that no, he had not broken or fractured anything for he could as a doctor tell you just how frequently people injured themselves in stupid falls like this in bathroom. The bathroom door and then the shower curtain that enclosed his tub slash shower opened with haste and a worried Takao was already pulling him up to a seating position inside the tub while scolding him a bit, though his tone was more worried than angry,

"I cannot believe you Shin-chan, if you were not feeling well, why didn't you tell me?! I could help you take a bath..."

"I am not a child..."

"Obviously, children do not drink till they lose consciousness and then have hangovers. Or rather, I hope to God they don't, that would be such a tragic thing... For adults though this is normal..."

Midorima simply frowned at him and Takao's worried face turned into a content smile,

"Are you hurt? Considering that you are not wailing in pain but giving me the kind of dirty look only a spoilt child would give I am assuming you are not?"

"I am not, thankfully. And now, I am not looking at you like that. You... you can leave now, I can take a shower myself..."

"No, you obviously cannot. Did you wash yourself yet?"

"No..."

"What were you doing here?! You have been in bath for like over ten minutes..."

"I was soaking."

"My God... 'soaking'... you just have to wash up so the stench goes away, what were you planning to have next? A skin therapy with all these scrubs and stuff perhaps?" Takao jokingly pointed to various rather expensive skin products that were only found in exactly two people's bathrooms amongst all their friends: Kise Ryouta, the model, and Midorima Takao, the doctor. Obviously, Midorima loved to look after his body; the man did not tape his fingers like a weird man with mummy-fetish for nothing...

Midorima simply turned his face towards the wall from Takao and puffed a little in annoyance. The water from shower was still sprinkling all over them and Takao himself had gotten partially wet but he did not seem to mind.

He enjoyed the annoyed face of Midorima for a few seconds before leaning and grabbing one of the various shampoo bottles that were so neatly placed near the tub, he poured a little bit from the silky white liquid to his hands and then gave an obvious look to Midorima,

"No" the tall man said, "Just no. No way."

"Yes. Yes all the way. It is not like this is the first time I gave you a bath or washed your hair and what not. Plus we bathed together quite a few times. So stop being such a tsundere and let me clean your hair so that we can both get out of the bath as soon as possible."

The key word was "tsundere" for Midorima hated to be called as such though he had to acknowledge that yes, going by the dictionary definition of the term it could very well apply to him. Being accused of "tsundere" behaviour often caused Midorima to just act the opposite way, much to Takao's joy and satisfaction, and now it also led to this as Midorima turned even more towards the wall and his whole back was facing Takao now, who with a smile already started massaging the wet dark green locks with shampoo... Before he started rinsing the hair, he gave the body scrub mitt to Midorima who reached for the shower gel and started cleaning himself as well. As he rinsed the hair, unconsciously he muttered,

"You have beautiful hair..."

Midorima felt shy all of a sudden; Takao would sometimes make suggestive or cheeky comments about how good he looked, but somehow the silent mumbling about his hair of all things felt too intimate, too sensual, too close, too... just "too". He didn't know how to answer but somehow some words did make it out of his lips: "They are weird" he said and he regretted the words the second he uttered them. "They are weird"? What was he, a self-conscious teenage girl? What was wrong with him? Was it because he was still hung over? Was it because he was still slightly incapacitated? Just what was it that made him like-

"No they are not. They are beautiful... like a forest, such a deep green." Takao said with a tender sweetness in his voice that Midorima secretly loved but never admitted. Without any other word or comment Takao simply sighed, rose up and asked,

"Do you think you can rinse your body? And dry yourself? If not I can help you."

"No it is fine... I will hold on to the wall too, I will be careful."

"Good" Takao said and his voice was as tender as a moment ago but for some reason Midorima thought he caught a glimpse of a sadness in the little smile Takao wore as he exited the bathroom.

When Midorima got up Takao was still wearing the sweatpants as before but now he had taken off the slightly wet undershirt and instead put on one of Midorima's tshirts, which looked obviously too big and sloppy on him but Midorima thought it looked fine. The table was set with various simple meals and Takao was seated already stuffing himself and pointed to the seat near him to Midorima. Midorima did not feel like eating much but knew he had to eat a bit as despite the lack of appetite he was hungry. They made small talk as they ate and Takao joked and giggled and made exaggerated hand gestures and Midorima thought yes, indeed, this was nice, this was normal, this was what it should and would always be...

Then Takao's phone rang. Tweeting of birds.

"Ah a message form Yuki-chan!" Takao hopped off his chair to grab his phone which was forgotten on the kitchen counter.

"_Yuki-chan_?" Midorima asked uncomfortably,

"Yes, you met him you know, the tall guy with reddish brown hair? Yukimura Kaede?"

"Oh... yes." was what Midorima said but what he wanted to say but had swallowed was "_So you call him Yuki-chan? Why such affection to a stranger you barely know?!_"

Takao had always been too friendly for his own good, Midorima affirmed inside once again and he really did not like the cheerful smile that had taken over Takao's face who was leaning to kitchen counter as he read the message. What could be so funny?

Seeing Midorima's furrowed eyebrows Takao smiled and moved back to his seat with phone in his hands, explaining,

"Apparently a friend of his brought him some great crab so he was asking me over... to cook for me and to drink. And he even sent a selfie with the crabs, it is just so-"

"Cute", Takao was going to say the word "Cute" if Midorima had not interrupted him:

"I am not feeling well."

"Huh?"

"I said I am not feeling well."

"Really?" Takao said, trying to hide his smirk and putting his phone aside a bit,

"You are not feeling well?"

Now, it was like drinking poison for Midorima to admit that no, he was not feeling well. The fact that it was a lie, for at least in terms of physical health he was feeling okay by now, only made it worse. He was a proud man, he did not like admitting defeat and admitting defeat when he was not defeated was just utter nonsense; why would he do that? But he did it. For a very obvious reason that Takao was aware but he himself was not aware that Takao was aware.

"Yes. I am not feeling well. I am afraid I might have had some light alcohol poisoning. I think I need to be observed."

"Oh, should I take you to hospital?"

"No... no need!" Midorima panicked a bit, sure Takao did not know finer details of medicine to uncover his lies still, taking to a hospital... it was surely not an option. He cleared his throat and continued,

"You can just stay here and observe me. Ensure that I do not fall unconscious or something. That should be enough."

"Hmm... I did want to eat crabs..." Takao said and he had to admit he took great pleasure from paining Midorima like this; indeed he was a little sadistic and Midorima did pain, could not hide it quickly enough from his face, the despair... Takao giggled then, mostly to himself actually, just how much he was enjoying Midorima, being with Midorima, Midorima's little antics and very blunt dishonesty about the smallest things... when he was thinking of moving on... he was sure this was not moving on. But he had no choice, he felt.

"But obviously I would never leave dear Shin-chan on his own when he is having the biggest hangover of his life! Shin-chan comes before crabs! And you can always treat me to some delicious crabs I guess?"

"Yes, yes." Midorima said, his tone almost complaining but the little smile tugged to his lips betrayed the mock complaint in his tone as he continued eating.

"I'll send a text to Yuki-chan and tell him that I can't come..."

The day was spent in pure laziness. They were both very tired so after eating they watched some films and talked of things, mundane things, stupid things, unimportant things... and they both realised just how much they had missed of talking like this, being like this. Takao's merry laughed echoed throughout the scarcely furnished house of Midorima and almost warmed the place. Midorima forced himself to stay awake but by late afternoon his tired body gave itself to the delicious gentle sleep on the couch and Takao brought a blanket over him... then watched him a little. He always liked how Midorima looked in his sleep; he always looked so beautiful that Takao liked to think of him as his very own "_Sleeping Beauty_"... He remembered telling this to Kise once, in a self-deprecating manner too, "_Can you imagine that? I am calling a man near 2 meters tall a 'Sleeping Beauty'! That's how strange I am!_" and Kise had smiled and said,

"_Aomine sometimes calls me that in the morning and I am over 1.9 metres too... It is about love; beauty and love are not separable and to be honest, Midorimacchi is beautiful... I can imagine him, in his ice covered castle, the Sleeping Beauty and Ice Queen at the same time._"

"_Sleeping Beauty and Ice Queen_" Takao thought fit Midorima very well...

When Midorima woke up the quickly rose up and he realised: shit, he had fallen asleep despite his best effort, and shit, he had been asleep for quite some time because it was pitch dark outside, he could see from the windows. Looking around and finding the living room empty, he felt a lump form in his stomach; "he has left" he thought, "Takao must have left".

But why? He had promised that he would stay with him! Well, not "promise" exactly but he had said he would! He stomped out of living room almost in panic and he was not even sure why did he care so much; it was a lie anyway, he did not need anybody to observe him or keep him company, he was comfortable, he had been comfortable, very very much comfortable in his own loneliness for years before Takao so why, just why, why was he looking for him and then the thoughts in his mind stopped when he saw Takao in his own clothes back again, from last night, though they smelt like roses... Like the rose perfumed way too expensive detergent that Midorima used. And he also had some of Midorima's clothing from last night, carefully folded and was seemingly taking them to bedroom... Takao gave a puzzled look at the confused and almost needy, searching face of Midorima for a second then smiled. And Midorima felt assured immediately at that smile.

"You woke up? You slept quite a bit really but then you must have been very tired... Ah, I was doing some laundry, used your washing machine, for the clothes from last night. They were stank." he muttered as he entered the bedroom and put the clothes in right place and Midorima realised yes, Takao knew his home as though he was living there and it was his own home but then he had lived there for a couple of months before, when he was in between jobs, and it had always been like his own home in a sense too, he even had the keys...

"You hungry?" Takao asked as he leaned to one side of the door frame and crossed his arms,

"Yes..." Midorima managed to say, and Takao smiled,

"And are you feeling better?"

"Yes."

"Good enough to take me out to dinner? You are paying since I looked after you so well!"

Midorima could not help but smile a little at that and Takao caught it,

"Fine" he said and added,

"Let me put on something proper."


	14. Chapter 14

It was a good week for Midorima Shintarou. Not only had he spent most of his weekend with Takao, it seemed his relationship with him had gotten better. He had not seen any of his bizarre dreams the last few nights and Takao, perhaps not as irritatingly frequently as always, was checking up on him now and then and this return to their regular familiarity relieved Midorima. His energetic attitude, not that anybody realised he was energetic anyway – his facial gestures stayed as static as ever, was lost upon a call from Azumi though on Tuesday evening: he was being invited to Azumi's parents' place for dinner Wednesday night.

Midorima really did not like going to Azumi's place and he really did not prefer spending time with her family, especially her father. However, he was still a son-to-be for this family so he had to show the proper respect and diligence, so of course he accepted the invite. He was a little curious about just what Azumi's father wanted to talk about anyway.

It turned out that he wanted to talk about future: had Midorima decided when they would be married next year? Would they take a honey moon or not? Was he planning that Azumi would move in to his existing apartment or was he planning to sell or rent his current apartment and buy or rent a new one? Midorima calmly replied all the questions and it was a good thing that he already had an answer for each for he himself had thought of all these things weeks in advance; he preferred being ready. Near the end of the meal though a topic Midorima had not thought and would never think of discussing with his parents-in-law came about: Takao. More specifically: Takao's sexuality.

"I heard from Azumi that your friend, your best friend to be exact, the one who managed the engagement celebration... I heard that he is homosexual."

The old man had pronounced the last word with contempt, it was obvious even to a normally oblivious person like Midorima. In any case, Midorima did not like private affairs of others to be talked; what was it to Azumi or Azumi's father who Takao preferred to love or engage in sexual affairs with? The sole reason Azumi herself knew was because they had run into each other at a café near Midorima's house one day; Takao was holding hand of his day boyfriend and instead of lying or making up an excuse – not that Midorima would mind either way, it was Takao's life after all – Takao had simply introduced the man to both him and Azumi as his new boyfriend. Azumi had not said anything then and Midorima had thought that she was like him in that she did not care about other people's affairs, that she found nothing wrong about who preferred which gender. However the slightly guilty but much more judgemental look on Azumi's face now told another story. And honestly, Midorima was disturbed by this; how could she violate Takao's privacy like this? Not that Takao would particularly mind for he was more or less out of the closet but Midorima minded, not because Takao liked men or that there was anything wrong about liking men, no, but simply because that it just was not her place and it surely should not be a business of her father.

When he talked both his voice and face were very unperturbed though,

"If you mean to say that he likes men and exclusively men as romantic partners, yes, that is true. However I am not sure why this is a matter for us to discuss. It is not our business."

"How can you say that? He is your friend!"

"Yes?"

"How could you befriend a person like that?"

"I am sorry but I do not think I understand your point?"

"How could you befriend a man full of perversion like that is what I am saying. It is completely improper! Of him and of you too!"

"Are you perhaps referring to his preference of same gender partners than opposite gender as 'perversion'?"

"Obviously!"

"I am not sure why you would define it as such but as a human being with a sense of morality and also as a doctor I do not regard it as such."

"So you think it is okay? For men to be with men?"

"Yes but it seems you do not."

"Obviously I do not and any person with self respect and at least a grain of morality would not either. This is simply unacceptable! How improper!"

"Sir, with all due respect, it seems our senses of morality are very different. And I am not going to change my personal and professional opinion simply because it is different than yours. And it is surely not your business who my friend sleeps with. There are indeed many improper habits of his, but his sexuality has never been one. He has always been a loyal and close friend of mine, I am not going to sit here and let you belittle him like this. If you have a problem with his lifestyle, you do not have to befriend him or spend time with him, but he is my friend and he will stay as my friend. It is that simple."

There was a sharp tone of voice Midorima only used in rare occasions, it held a particular certainty to it and that was the tone he used as he uttered his last words. He glanced at the old man's disturbed and angry face and Azumi finally spoke,

"You do realise that if tomorrow we have children, he is going to be an 'uncle' to them? That... man, like that. Will you be fine with it?"

"I think if tomorrow we have children they might end up liking their '_uncle Takao_' more than even myself, because he is actually great with children whereas I am very incapable of handling them. He is a great teacher too. I would be glad if he chose to spend time with my children."

After some tense silence Azumi's mother, smiling apologetically served the dessert and tried her best to make some small talk and change the subject, the coldness that had been established continued though and Midorima left right after the dinner. He had not showed it but he had been angry.

Even after he reached home he deliberated in his head continuously what went on and felt more and more upset at their attack on his friend. This also made him realise just how little he had paid attention to Takao's sexuality in the first place. To be honest, for Midorima who was not interested in love or sex in the first place and who regarded sexual intercourse to be of use only for relieving the bodily frustration and procreative purposes, sexual orientation had never been a topic of interest and he had always been more or less neutral about it. Sure he had been surprised, especially considering the strange circumstances of it, when he first found out about Takao's preference of men but he had accepted it without any inquisition. He simply did not see any reason to interrogate others' orientations or preferences. He had never been forced to pay much attention to his little detail about Takao, partly because their circle of friends was open to such diversity as well, but now that he thought about it he realised the small details, now and then... The bitter smiles Takao gave when strangers asked him when he would find a "good girl to marry", the tinge of hurt as he had complained about an ex boyfriend who dared to call him a "faggot" after being dumped... Small things. For Takao was very strong, he always took life head on and he faced even his pain courageously always and somehow even in his saddest moments, even when he would be the most hurt he would find some way to smile, to crack a joke even if sarcastic... It was hard to realise him hurt, it was hard to catch him weak, but Midorima knew of those moments... those occasional visits late night with the dull excuse of "_I was bored at home_" that were spent doing or talking nothing but lazying around with a peculiar melancholy wrapped around him... the very rare moments Takao's eyes would become wet, listening to an old love song or at the cheesiest part of a stupid romantic comedy film... He had welcomed him always, perhaps with a reluctant façade but he had, and he had never asked questions but now he was asking the questions to himself: Was Takao happy? Was he ever hurt? Were people inquiring about his private affairs like this all the time? Was he tired? Was he discriminated?

Their own confrontation from a few weeks ago came to Midorima's mind and he felt his heart constrict; had he hurt Takao? He must have. How much? Surely, surely nobody wanted to be alone, surely he did not want to be alone, and surely he was not like Midorima... He could not do without love. He could not treat having a partner or a marriage as a societal duty or simply as a contract. Midorima should have not pushed him, even though he still felt right in his concerns and worries, it was not the right way to express them, he felt even stronger than before...

As thoughts rambled in his mind he got into bed to sleep and then a though blared amongst others in his mind to the degree that it would make him lose any and all appetite he had for sleep and spend almost the whole night sleepless: What about his own desires about Takao? If liking men was such a bad thing, was such an awful such a complicated thing for these people, what about Midorima's own desires? He had found reasons for them: a sense of alienation and fear induced by this, a fear of losing his routine and a restructuring of his life, pre-marriage anxieties, a sense of childish possessiveness over his only close friend acting themselves out in a sexualised manner due to unresolved sexual frustrations... He had found various rationalisations and he was content with them so far but none changed the fact that he had desired Takao and he had seen no problem with it. What did that mean in terms of his own sexuality?

And that made Midorima Shintarou realise in his 27th year in life that he had never, ever, not even once in his life had thought about his own sexuality or orientation.

The next morning approximately an hour after sunrise he called Akashi, who he knew always like himself woke up at sunrise.

"I would like to play shogi with you. Today. As soon as you are available."

Akashi's voice was amused,

"Oh, this should be interesting. I am full all day but I am free for dinner. Let's meet at the Intercontinental? I really like the French restaurant there."

"Sure."

"At 7 pm then. I will ask my assistant to reserve a table under my name. See you later."

Midorima was entered the restaurant later that night at 7 pm sharp and found Akashi already sitting at their reserved table. After a nice dinner, Akashi offered to go to the bar and Midorima followed him, he was a little puzzled though, so he asked when they sat at the bar,

"You can play shogi at the bar here?"

"Shintarou, we both know you did not ask to meet me to play shogi..." Akashi said calmly as he signalled the barkeep and ordered a scotch for himself and a Virgin Mary cocktail for Midorima who gave a glare at both Akashi's response and order but Akashi simply smiled,

"Don't glare, we don't want you getting drunk again, do we? You really cannot hold your liquer. So what is the matter you wanted to discuss with me?"

"I wanted to play shogi."

Akashi sighed then and gave an amused glance at Midorima,

"Fine, Shintarou, trust me I can make them find and set up a shogi board even here. However, if they do and we do play shogi I will not talk with you about anything other than our game."

Midorima, defeated, had to spill,

"I have some problems."

"Really? What could be your problems now that you are good with Takao again?"

"You have heard? Well... I shouldn't really be surprised at that, should I?"

"You really should not."

"Did you... hear about... um..."

"The kiss?"

Midorima sighed, "Of course you did..." their drinks were served and after a small sip to taste and ensure the liquid met his standards Akashi continued,

"I head it was quite passionate too..."

"I have been frustrated."

"In ways more than one I presume?"

"That would be correct. I think I am subconsciously intimidated by the idea of how marriage will change my life and my set routine, especially with respect to Takao and since he himself had realised this and tried to keep his distance... An immature act of possessiveness brought to surface by disappearance of inhibitions due to alcohol."

"That is one fine rationalisation Shintarou. It is truthful in many aspects too actually. Yet it does not satisfy you, does it?"

"Why do you say that?"

"Because you asked to speak with me. If it did satisfy you, considering that you are doing better with Takao as well, you would not be in dire need of some counselling from me nor would you be brooding like this."

"I have realised something..."

"And?"

"Why and how do not change the fact that I kissed Takao out of my own desire and I did not hate kissing him."

"So?"

"Does this mean... perhaps I am not heterosexual?"

"Sexuality is a fiddle thing and there have been many different ways to define it in different places, times, and cultures... It does at least that you are not adverse to idea of being non heterosexual though..."

Midorima thought about that statement for a bit then Akashi continued,

"But the problem is that it is not just the kiss, is it? You have desired him in other ways..."

"Maybe..." Midorima was reluctant on how much he should share with Akashi and he also had doubts if Akashi knew it all or not any way, as he seemed to know everything always,

"But does it matter?"

"Huh?"

"Does it matter whether or not you are exclusively and certainly heterosexual? You have never been interested in things like sexuality and love in the first place. What is sexuality for you other than a bothersome bodily need akin to hunger or thirst, or a reproductive process? So why should it matter if you can do it with a man or a woman or both or what not? You have had sex with women so you know you are capable of at least doing it with your wife to be, I assume. So, what is the problem?"

"There is... none, I guess." muttered Midorima rather uncomfortably and Akashi simply pressed on,

"No need to ponder so much since you already decided on a partner, your future is already set, you set it yourself, and you set it without consideration of things like love or desires or sexuality. And as you said, surely Takao's place in your life will grow smaller and smaller and perhaps you will meet with him once a week or so like now to play basketball and that will be it, but so what? It is not like you owe him any sort of loyalty nor does he need you..."

"Yes... I know." Midorima's voice was strained and he did not drink a single drop from the red liquid in front of him, instead staring at it as though it was the toughest problem he had ever faced. Unbeknownst to him, his face had a strange expression, almost pained, his usual scowl turned into a very tragic frown...

Akashi sighed.

"But that is not what you want to hear from me, is it?"

Midorima glanced at Akashi, a little puzzled and a little curious,

"That is not what you _want_ to hear. You already know and think that but if it was indeed what you wanted, what _felt_ right you would not be questioning your own sexuality at this point or asking my opinion in the first place..."

Akashi smiled at the timidity and anxiety that had replaced the confusion on Midorima's face,

"You want to hear it from me... 'Me' specifically because if I say it, then it means it is possible that there is hope. But Shintarou, I really do not want to say it."

A despair fell quickly over Midorima's gaze and Akashi felt that he enjoyed watching all these changes on Midorima's face that was so stoic and uneventful normally...

"But I guess I will have to say it, you do not leave me any other choice: Shintarou, what about not leaving Takao behind and instead moving forward with him?"

"What do you... mean?"

"You know what I mean. You are oblivious to most things but you are not as naïve as others think and you fuss over yourself too much to not have realised your very own desires and wants. You want him. You have always wanted him. You like having him around. Surely, you have never put 'love' in your plans at all but it is a fact that you love Takao, you always have; if there is a human being on the surface of this planet that you are most fond of it is Takao. And this is exactly why you have never sought love from others: you have always had it. But you are losing it. You will lose it. You know it. You can feel it. But there is a way not to lose it. Choose Takao. Take him instead."

"It... It's... I don't know. This is crazy."

"But it is true and it is what you wanted to hear from me so dearly, isn't it? For if I utter it, it means there is a chance: there is a chance that you can be with him. And there is Midorima. There has always been that chance, that hope. But it is not painless. It is not without burdens or risks, and you know this very well. That is why suddenly you are so interested in your own sexuality: once you accept him, there is no turning back."

Midorima then put his palm over his face as his elbow rested on the bar top; yes, it was true, some part of him deep down had wanted Akashi to reveal all this but... now that it was out, he was not sure how to deal with it. It was at that moment that so uncharacteristically Akashi moved Midorima's hand from his face and turned his face gently to his own:

"Look at me. Know this well. There is no turning back. Yes, you can be very happy at the end of it. Yes, it is possible. It may not work out either. If it does not you will not only lose him, you will be somebody else. You must have realised already: this world is not fair. You have been pampered till now, son of a wealthy family, talented at sports and studying, a doctor, a White tall good looking man... For the first time in your life you will be discriminated, you will be treated harshly and unfairly. It will not be nice. It will be hard. Even Takao does not leave you, it will not be easy and if he does... I don't know what could fix you. But if you continue with the option that you have chosen so far, the easier path, sure perhaps you will not see his face every day and he will not shower you with love all the time but you will still see him, you will have some kind of attachment to him and your perfect life will continue... Albeit loveless."

Akashi's voice turned lower and lower with each word and when he uttered the last word it sounded rather omnious. Midorima swallowed in defeat as Akashi gulped down his drink and left a few bills under his glass, after he got off his chair he slightly patted Midorima's shoulder,

"Nobody can make this decision for you. I cannot and will not decide it for you. You should decide it."

Then he left and after a heavy sigh Midorima started sipping the cold red liquid in his glass.


	15. Chapter 15

[So all my stories are anyway un-betaed, I do my own proofreading (*sobs*) but this one did not even have the chance of being proofread by me due to my own unexpectedly hectic schedule :( So beware! The quality may be lower.]

* * *

Was it the fact that his mind was so deeply and thoroughly focused on Takao that his feet took him in front of Takao's building instead of his own? Midorima was not sure. But in the lovely Spring night here he was standing in front of Takao's building, a little dazed and a little uncertain. He had no reason to visit Takao. He had no reason not to visit Takao. After a short debate within the realms of his mind he decided to pay a visit to Takao. As he climbed the stairs to Takao's apartment he thought about all the things he could say to Takao to explain his visit but this thinking process itself irritated him a bit; Takao more frequently than not sneaked into his house or paid a visit in the oddest hours for no reason whatsoever. So he decided that no, he did not have to give a reason any way. He was motivating himself on this point as rang the door bell but instead of his dear friend, another man opened the door. Specifically the man he really really did not want to see. He would prefer even Kise to open to door than this tall man of reddish brown hair.

"Yukimura" he said, with a cold glare that was almost accusatory and the man in front of him received this with an uncomfortable gaze that underlined not just displeasure but some guilt as well, which only made Midorima feel even more confident of himself.

"Midorima... san." Yukimura muttered, displeased and the cheerful familiar voice was heard then,

"Huh? Who is it Yuki-chan?"

"It's Midorima-sa-"

"It's me Takao." Midorima said loudly as he forced his way in, not so gracefully one should add and Yukimura clenched his teeth and swallowed his anger as he closed the door.

"Oh! Shin-chan! What a surprise!"

"You are... cooking?" Midorima's stare was a little puzzled but something deep down inside him particularly liked the way Takao looked; smiling gleefully, his dark black hair held back with a red hair band, an orange apron on him, one hand stirring some sauce on the pan the other on his waist...

"Yup! And it smells delicious doesn't it?"

"Hmm... I don't know."

"God, you are always such a party pooper... come on try it; it's really good!"

And Takao took a bit of the hot red sauce on the wooden spoon he was stirring the pan with, first taking it before his lips and blowing on it, then he offered it to Midorima who gave a questioning stare to Takao first but when Takao simply winked, he sighed and went ahead, leaning forward and tasting it a little,

"Be careful, I blew on it but it is still hot..."

"Mm..."

"So? It is good right?"

"It is all right" was Midorima's response as he licked the tiny wetness left by the red liquid on his lips but Takao giggled wholeheartedly,

"God... you are always so dishonest. Whatever. Great timing. You shall taste Takao Kazunari's first attempt at Italian cuisine. Yuki-chan advised me that pasta could be a good meal for me to try because you can usually make something edible and decent out of them pretty easily so... I gave it a try and I'm thinking this is a success."

"I see" Midorima said and gave a glance to Yukimura who was leaning towards the door frame and watching the two with half sad and half irritated eyes.

"Maybe Midorima-san already had dinner... it is late after all." Yukimura asked with eyes that made it clear that Midorima was not welcomed, at least from his side. However, Midorima could care and he felt that he could not leave the two man alone tonight, no, he could not. He did not trust Yukimura at all.

"Oh yeah... that is true. Have you eaten your dinner yet Shin-chan?" Takao asked a little absent-mindedly as he focused his eyes back to the pan, realising that he was losing himself again to their regular flow.

"No, I will stay. I did not eat anything actually. I was coming by to ask you out to eat."

"Cool then" Takao smiled to himself and he felt both happy and a little bit sad.

Now, understand that Midorima Shintarou was not a man with a big appetite and these days especially, he really did not have much of an appetite, and he not only had dinner – albeit a quick one for Akashi always ate quick – and even drinks already. So having another dinner past 9 pm was quite a bit of a burden for his body but he had to eat.

He ate too. When Yukimura asked for a second portion, as though they were in some kind of a race Midorima did as well, and despite the decent taste of the food it was almost torture for him but he did not show any bit of his discomfort on his face.

At one point during the dinner, the fond gaze Takao gave to Yukimura, the kind tone of voice he used which he normally only spared to friends he felt close to, and on the other side Yukimura's own warm gaze and the silly jokes he made which Midorima did not find funny at all but for some reason Takao always chuckled too... at one point during the dinner, all these irritated Midorima so much that he asked, rather suddenly and completely out of blue too,

"Are you to going out?"

Yukimura choked on the mouthful of spaghetti he was chewing at that instant and Takao was dumbfounded.

"No we are not."

"Is that... so?"

"Yes. We are not going out. Why would you think so?"

"Nothing. No reason."

"Really?"

"Yes."

Takao was puzzled; Midorima did not like prying into others private affairs so he had never asked any such questions before, such a curiousity so suddenly too... it was simply strange. Yukimura gulped down the glass of water in front of him to calm down his coughing and muttered, though his voice was a little disheartened,

"We are only friends... with Taka-chan."

Even though hearing this confirmation had reassured Midorima he did not like the cutesy nickname Yukimura used; who in their right mind would use such a nickname for a man of almost thirty years old?! Sure, Takao used them, quite a few of them... but he was Takao, that was just how his character was, and he was cheeky in general so it did not sound forced or too inappropriate when Takao did it. Yukimura though definitely sounded strange uttering such a nickname. Midorima did not dwell much on the subject and continued eating his food, or rather continued forcing himself to eat his food.

He finished his food completely and thanked Takao out of courtesy who seemed to be more than glad to have fed Midorima something he had created himself. After the dinner was the start of awkwardness though, Takao mumbled about how they were going to watch a romantic comedy film, which really was not a favourite genre for Midorima though he endured it quite often as Takao liked it a lot. He agreed to that as well, to watch the film with the two. He had promised himself that no, tonight, he would not leave the two alone. He would not be the first one to leave Takao's house.

When it was almost midnight and the credits of the film started rolling out, Yukimura shifted in his place in discomfort a bit; he lived not very far away but still significantly far and he had to leave despite not wanting to leave Takao alone with Midorima. He had no choice though so he announced that it was getting late and he had to leave and Midorima almost smiled, his cheer and satisfaction from seeing Yukimura leave first was admittedly too immature but also too high to easily contain and hide. Not even five seconds after Yukimura left the house and Takao wished him a good night at the door, much to Midorima's annoyance, Takao realised,

"Ah! Yuki-chan forgot mobile phone... bet he is just getting into the car, wait a second here Shin-chan..."

And Takao Kazunari disappeared in the blink of an eye, quickly grabbing the phone and getting some slippers on he went out the door.

Why couldn't the man just leave them peacefully? Did he have to forget something? Could it be that he did it on purpose? Midorima did not think the man was that calculating though, he seemed to be a simple man... When Takao did not come back in the time Midorima had allocated in his mind for such a simple delivery – 3 minutes to be exact – he moved towards the window that had the view of the entrance of the building... Peeking through the window he saw Takao down below in the street with Yukimura, near what Midorima assumed to be the latter's car. He saw them kiss.

It was not a passionate kiss. At least as much as Midorima could discern from the distance and under the untrustworthy light of the street lamps... An arm wrapped around Takao and a few seconds where their faces touched and Midorima could not discern just how much... Were they chaste kisses? What did Yukimura do exactly? Did he lick those lips? Did he nibble them? Midorima felt both of his hands clench in fists and anger and jealousy flood over him; he wanted to stomp downstairs, pull Takao away from this man's clutch. He did not do this, obviously, because he had no right to do it. But then... what right Takao had to kiss this man? To be so close with this man? Had he not just less than a few hours ago said very clearly that he was not going out with Yukimura?! What were they then that they could kiss like this, out in the open too! Idea of "friends with benefits" came to Midorima's mind among others and he thought of a dozen different romantic and or sexual ways the two could be related... Why was Midorima paying so much attention? He wanted to go away, get out of this apartment that smelled so clearly like Takao and tomatoes at that very moment but he was afraid of running into Takao and some unseen and unknown forced had somehow glued him to the window... He could not take his eyes away from the figures of the two men.

Then they separated.

It was surely Midorima's imagination because there was no way even with his glasses his eyesight, anybody's eyesight, was good enough to catch blush on Takao's face under the dim light of the street lamps but he still saw it, imagined seeing it at least... As Takao left Yukimura standing and Yukimura stood there, Midorima moved away from the window, quickly grabbed his light jacket and the moment Takao entered he excused himself, saying that it was getting rather late for him as well and that he had to leave.

He did not look at Takao's face. Not even the smallest glance. He was afraid. He was so afraid to confirm the mirage of Takao's flushed face. He was so afraid that if he looked and if there was any sign of happiness or satisfaction or desire in Takao's eyes that he would lose it there and then, say terrible things that he surely did not believe in, just to hurt Takao... Just to hurt himself. He felt so bitter and upset and feeling bitter and upset itself caused so much anger in him directed at himself, he was not sure just how fast he disappeared from Takao's home but it had been very, very fast and he walked so briskly, with such a fast pace that he was almost breathless when he reached home.

When he had left the bar a little after Akashi, he had thought about just how possible it was to continue the status quo... He really liked it. Akashi was right, perhaps, he had never considered love in the first place because he had always received it so unconditionally from Takao in great amounts... When he had advised Takao to find someone reliable, a long-term partner it was his rational mind trying to ensure Takao's safety and happiness but now, after seeing Takao show perhaps only one tenth of the fondness he showed himself to another person, Midorima realised that he could not take it. He could not stand it. Sure, he had grown to control his selfish ways; sure, he was extremely dutiful and diligent... As his feet had led him to Takao's home, he had thought for a bit that perhaps he had to grow out of the last bits of his wilful egoism, he had thought that changing his life so drastically now would be bad for both of them and who knew how Takao would react to it any way, and he had thought that he really, really did not want to hurt anyone, especially Takao and if the price to pay for this would be to sort out his own confusions and inner turmoil and endure pain for some time... well, he had to do it.

He had almost decided to go with the flow in the back of his mind even though it had not yet settled in.

But the moment he saw Takao and Yukimura kiss, it was all gone... A kind of despaired greed that he only felt before in the court, after his defeats against Akashi... He felt it again. He did not want to lose. He did not care about what was needed to be done to not to lose, he would do it, he would work hardest, he would withstand any pain to not lose. He could not lose Takao.

These ideas did not leave him rest of his week and during their basketball meet-up Midorima was particularly harsh and aggressive in his play against Takao, motivated by some bitterness that itself drove him mad. He could not help but feel hurt towards Takao for lying to him; why had he denied his relation with Yukimura even though they were at least on "kissing" terms? Kise had denied it earlier too, so it meant Takao kept it a secret from most, was it that Yukimura was perhaps still in the closet? Midorima thought it was possible but did not find it probable. Takao made jokes about him being fired up more than usual and Midorima told him that "he was like always" and it was a lie; it was such a big lie and it was as if Takao had realised it... Perhaps that's why he said that his stomach was not feeling well and that he did not want to eat. Thus, they parted their ways after the game and Midorima Shintarou, for the first time in his life went to a bar alone to drink.

Takao on the other hand, feeling a little guilty about his own lie, pondered about why Midorima looked so sullen yet was as energetic as an hungry beast on the court. He was acting so different and there was a truthfulness in the coldness of his manners that Takao could not bear it; Midorima was rarely truthfully cold with Takao and Takao had become an expert to recognise this... He had thought that he could not stand such coldness and distance for another hour for dinner, especially just when they were becoming better... So he had opted to lie.

His trail of thought was interrupted though when he reached the front of his apartment's door and found a tall blond couched on the floor, leaning his head to the door.

"Ki-chan?"

"Ah! You are early! Great... I was so... I thought since it was Friday, with the game and then dinner with Midorima it would take you longer to come back home."

"Um... I was not feeling well and I don't have an appetite so I skipped the dinner... But what are you doing here?"

"Can we go in first?" Kise's voice was strained, there were small bags under his eyes that looked so unnatural and strange on his otherwise perfect face and Takao was sure that something had gone wrong. So he quickly opened the door and as soon as they were in and the door was closed Kise started screaming,

"I cannot believe him! Can you believe him?!"

"Huh? Who?"

"You haven't seen the news obviously..." Kise hurled himself onto the tatami floor, Takao did not have any couches or such in his tiny home.

"What happened?"

Kise buried his face to the floor while he offered his phone to Takao, who took it and upon seeing the headline of the article that was open on Kise's phone his eyes opened big with shock,

"It – It must be a lie!"

"It says Aominecchi's manager confirmed it! She is literally quoted there. I searched, there is even a fucking video of her confirming it... They ask her this as she is leaving some place and she winks and says 'Yes! You know how hard it is to be in love under the spot light so please be easy on them.' Be easy on them my ass. God..."

"It must be a PR ploy then by Aomine's manager..."

"Probably..."

"Then why are you so mad?"

Kise pulled himself up to a sitting position and turned to face Takao, who then realised a little wetness in the honey orbs,

"We fought... two days ago. About this."

"About this?"

"There were rumours about him and her. In one of her interviews last week she was saying how happy she was to be chosen to appear in this apparel campaign with Aominecchi... That she was his biggest fan and she adored him and what not..."

"So you were jealous?"

"Obviously! I told him to ask them to change the person... He is the real star in this project any way! Who is she?! I mean they literally call her 'Anna Kournikova of Japan'. She has no WTA titles! Even Anna was okay in doubles, she is not like that either! Only thing going on with her is that he has huge boobs. Yes. She is a tennis player with huge jugs. That's all!"

Kise was very upset and it was evident, not just in his eyes that seemed about to cry but also from his choice of words; he was usually very calm and collected when dealing with women and he hated vulgar tone or vocabulary.

"Calm down Ki-chan..." Takao said, sitting near him and patting his shoulder slightly to console him.

"How can I?! Do you know what he said? He said that I was delusional. He said that I did not trust him and that's why he was not going to ask for a change to the apparel company, because it did not matter, whoever they chose that I would find a problem..."

Kise swallowed a sob and leaned forward, burying his face on Takao's shoulder,

"And he was right... but it was mostly because I do not have the confidence in the first place. I just do not. I am getting old, they don't give me jobs in Zunon Boy anymore, I get jobs in magazines with older demographics now... The roles I get on the TV, the kind of shows they invite me... It all changed. And there he is, being constantly hugged by a young woman of 20 years old with a full bosom... How can I not get jealous?! But I accepted then... When we fought. Because I was afraid. I was afraid to tell him that I am not that confident anymore; he is always so proud of himself... He must not have worries like this... So I just said 'fine', that 'I was sorry' and then... then just two days later this shit comes up."

Kise was crying now, silently with infrequent sobbing, and Takao cradled him in his arms, patting his head gently...

"It is normal that you feel down, we are all scared of getting old... I am too, and I am sure even Aomine or even Akashi is to a degree. Don't be so discouraged. You should have talked this with Aomine, he fusses over you too much, he would understand, he would not mock you... And I am sure this whole thing is a publicity ploy; he had the chance of getting it with a young woman with full bosom all his life and he did not do it when he was a wild college student why would he do it now?"

Kise sniffed strongly,

"Don't say that... I read it in a magazine that people, especially men cheat even after decades, especially in their middle ages... Plus you saw the photo gallery of that article right? There are tons like that on the web... from their latest press event; she is always so stuck to him and he does not seem to mind and there is even this one photo where you can see he is looking at her chest!"

"Uh... what kind of magazines are you reading? He is not yet middle aged by the way, neither are you or any of us... And yes I saw the photos and perhaps his eyes were stuck for a second, you know his fetish..."

"Ugh... don't I know his disgusting fetish that damned bastard..."

"Did you call him to ask about this? I am pretty sure he is not even aware of this thing his manager pulled..."

"I did... in the early noon when I first saw them but he rejected my call. Then I did not call him again."

"Maybe he was not in a position to take the call... You should try to call him again."

"I turned my phone off."

"Why?! See, maybe he even called you but you-"

"I don't want to..."

"'You don't want to' what?"

"I... I don't want to speak with him now... I think I need to think for myself for a bit."

Takao was not very happy with this idea but hearing his friend's pitifully sad voice, he relented.

"Fine..."

"Oh no!"

Kise almost jumped up in a second,

"What happened?"

"I should not have come here... Aominecchi will know it will be either you or Momocchi that I go first and well Momocchi is out of country so it is obvious that I would be here! I have to go somewhere else."

"But where will you go?"

"I can book a hotel room..."

"You will only feel worse stuck in a hotel room..."

"But I have to get away! To a place where Aominecchi will not think to call..."

At that moment a slightly undesirable but perfectly valid and suitable choice popped up in Takao's mind,

"Well... I know a place where Aominecchi will not find it and it will be only a short walk from my home so I can come and check up on you if you ever need me. Plus, you won't be alone."

"Huh?" Kise was confused,

"You know Shin-chan lives only a few blocks away..."

Midorima had not expected to hear his door bell ring that night, but it did and he found Kise and Takao on his door step, they did not stay there long though as soon as he opened the door the duo forced their way in almost as if it was the most natural thing to do.

"What... Just what the heck are you two doing?"

"Ah Shin-chan, you won't believe this but Ki-chan is having some issues with Aomine so he wanted to get away from their home and since Aomine would probably guess that he would stay with me and come to check, we thought your house is a safe bet. He will just hide here a few days at most..."

"I don't remember agreeing to this" Midorima said, fixing his eyeglasses, a little irritated at the unexpected invasion of his home and he really, really was not ready to face Takao like this...

"You are going to leave me out there?! Kise said with shocked and saddened eyes, and Takao interrupted before Midorima could answer,

"No, of course he will not Ki-chan. Shin-chan, stop being mean. He needs our helps. And we will give it to him. It is just a few days and your house is large enough to host a whole family; just one more person should not be a problem."

There was a certainty in Takao's voice that Midorima could not argue with so he simply complained under his breath and went to his refrigerator to bring out something to drink; whether expected or unexpected, there were manners to follow whenever a guest came to his house.

Thousands of kilometres away, as he sat in the car in front of his hotel, Aomine called the number he had called so many times that day again but only heard the damned automated message signalling that the phone was turned off. Still. He sighed loudly and asked his driver tiredly,

"When is the flight again?"

"The days after tomorrow, at noon sir. I will pick you up at around 10 am."

"Good." Aomine said and left the car, making his way into the hotel lobby. He did not talk with anybody on his way up to his room, despite noticing a few fans who took pictures of him... When he was finally in his room, he felt weak on his knees for a moment and leaned towards the door, his forehead touching the cool wood as he tried to set his balance straight holding onto the door with his hands. When he realised his balance was back, he felt the anger that he had been keeping and accumulating inside the whole day surge and he firmly punched the door, hurting his hand a little on the process but his upset mind did not seem to register the stinging pain on his hand.

He sighed deeply, turned around and almost hurled himself onto the bed that was situated on the other side of the large hotel suit. He lied there on the soft cushions on his back, bringing his arm over his eyes, to rest on his face.

After a few seconds he took out his mobile phone from his pocket with his free hand and dialled he number he had memorised without looking but after a short silence he still heard the automated message... He dropped the call and threw his mobile phone rather harshly in the room.

"_Great_..." he grumbled, the word drenched in sarcasm and fury.

The remains of his now shattered mobile phone lay in the middle of the expensive hotel suite, on the beautiful Persian carpet.


	16. Chapter 16

When Midorima Shintarou returned his home Saturday morning after a morning run, he found his kitchen in shambles. Two dirty pots one of which was badly burnt, a sink full of plates and glasses that he certainly did not remember using. The culprit, tall blond man who was leaning over the toaster with focused eyes gave out a yelp when the toaster ejected two pieces of almost charred slices of bread.

"Damn it."

"Nice. You cannot even make toast. How unsurprising." Midorima sighed as he took the burnt pot and put it under running water, Kise simply pouted as he discarded the burnt slices of bread to the rubbish bin,

"You know... I was trying to be nice... prepare you breakfast or something, for having me here."

"Have you ever prepared breakfast?"

"Um... not really... well the last time I tried was a few years ago but I almost burned the kitchen so Aominecchi banned me from making anything other than tea or rice porridge. Oh yeah, I should have made some green tea and rice porridge!"

"For breakfast?"

"Why not?! That's all I know how to make and I make them pretty good..." Kise mumbled and Midorima sighed. Honestly, he was depressed and anxious enough and now to deal with Kise... but Takao had asked him to and he himself had relied once or twice on Kise, especially in Takao related matters so he could not reject the blond.

"Put on something proper. Let's have breakfast outside."

"Great... ah but it is already lunch time..."

"It is weekend. We can always go for a brunch."

"Good idea! I shall call Takao."

Midorima was about to protest but before he could achieve to get a single syllable out of his mouth, Kise had already disappeared into the guest room. How could the man who spent the night literally wailing and still had red, swollen eyes could be so ecstatic out of such a small thing... Midorima never understood Kise. If there was any single person out of their friends whose personality was the furthest away from his, it was Kise. Somehow though, over the years, the fate had intertwined them so much: Takao had become a strong common denominator among them and Kise was the only one out of his friends, other than Akashi, who would actually take the time to call him up or invite him to places.

Midorima had really not wanted to see Takao, he did not feel ready yet... Whenever he looked to his face, even at the slightest glance, his gaze would find their way to the raven haired man's lips; the cheeky smirk they were so often shaped in seemed to interest Midorima more than ever. He felt both attracted to and repulsed by these pair of lips now; his mind was so occupied with the kiss Takao had shared with Yukimura that he could not help but remember it every time he looked at Takao...

"Hey! Shin-chan? What are you looking at? Is there something on my face?"

"Huh? Ah... No. I was just lost in thoughts, I was not looking at your face intentionally."

"I see... What is it keeping your mind so busy?"

"Lack of sleep? I had to listen to a grown man bawl his eyes out all night long."

Kise's face flushed at that and a slight frown settled on his face which ticked off Takao,

"Come on Shin-chan. He is already hurt. It is normal that he will cry."

"Well... Considering he cries at the littlest things, to be fair it may indeed be the first time he was crying with a valid reason."

"Jeez... Why are you being so mean?!" Takao leaned towards Midorima who was sitting across him at the table and flicked his finger on the tall man's forehead which caused him to wince in pain,

"What the hell Takao?!"

"You deserved it."

Kise chuckled at that,

"Ah... reminds me the old times. You remember the captain in Teikou, Midorimacchi?"

"Huh? Wasn't your captain Akashi?" Takao asked a little curiously as he stuffed himself with the pancakes in front of him. They had gone to an American style family restaurant for brunch.

"Nah, before Akashicchi, we had Nijimura senpai. He was amazing."

"'Nijimura'? Haha... great name for a captain for you guys."

Kise giggled at that too,

"Yeah, I know! Anyway, he had these strongest forehead flicks! I heard that he once knocked out Kurokocchi with a single flick!"

"Wow... that is something."

"He used that a lot..." Midorima mumbled as he caressed the slightly reddened spot on his forehead with a hand, while he held his cup of tea with the other,

"Hmm... He even did it to Aomine. I think he is the only one to flick Aomine's forehead and get away with it."

Kise smiled as the memories rushed to his mind,

"Yeah... I spent much less time with him than you guys but I remember him fondly too."

"He even bossed Akashi around sometimes."

Takao's eyes grew large hearing that,

"You are kidding Shin-chan... That is just not possible."

"It is... He did. Well... Akashi was different than too... All of us were a little. I... I always thought that perhaps if Nijimura senpai did not have to leave then, we would deal with our... later issues better, I guess." Midorima sipped from his tea calmly and Kise fiddled with his food.

"You got over that sooner or later. Puberty issues. Teenage angst. It is normal." Takao chuckled and put a few pieces of neatly cut and syrup drenched pieces of pancake on both Midorima's and Kise's plates,

"Takao, I am not planning to go into a sugar coma." Midorima said with a scowl but Takao playfully scolded him,

"Just eat. Listen to me. You guys are both so down, I mean we know why Kise is but Shin-chan really, even you... Sugar will make you guys feel better. Eat up."

"You are like a diligent mother Taka-chan..." Kise mumbled as he started taking small bits per Takao's command and after a sigh Midorima also started eating the sugary pieces of dough.

After the brunch, they visited a local bookstore on Midorima's insistence and it was there that Takao's phone rang.

"Ah... It is Aomine." He said and Kise was already in panic,

"I can't believe he managed to think of calling you so late!"

"So... should I take the call?"

"Obviously. Ah! But don't tell him you are with me..."

"Hmm okay" Takao agreed and received the call. Aomine's voice was serious and without any greeting or explanation he directly asked Kise's whereabouts and Takao said that he did not know, Aomine was not one to be easily fooled though so he asked Takao to be truthful and Takao swore that he was outside at a bookstore with Midorima, he then gave the phone to Midorima for a second,

"Say 'Hi' to Aomine, he is not believing that we are out at a bookstore..."

"Hi" was what Midorima only said as he focused on finding the book he was looking for. Aomine was mostly satisfied though, "If you are hanging out with Midorima, Kise must not be around... Midorima cannot stand him" was what he had thought and did not see any reason not to share with Takao who had only replied with a "Well yeah, they are not very close or compatible I guess..."

They truly were not but somehow Takao was very close and compatible with both. When Takao was about to ask about the affair and try to gather some information he had hoped would make Kise happier, Aomine hung up.

"Did he say anything?"

"Uh nothing much... He was very unsubtle really, just asked your whereabouts and then when he learnt that I was out with Shin-chan he just hung up."

"No explanation whatsoever?"

"Nope... I am sorry Ki-chan... I am sure it is just because he does not wish to discuss these kind of things with people other than you."

"Yeah, sure" Kise said, smiling though Takao knew that the smile he wore was a fake one. Then Midorima chimed in, or rather exclaimed from the inside of his own little world,

"I found it! The new book about Beethoven's Ninth Symphony."

"Great Shin-chan. Wow. Can we just get out of here now?"

The rest of the day was spent lazying around at Midorima's house, while Takao and Kise watched a drama on TV, Midorima opted to reading the book he just bought. Later in the evening Takao made them some pasta and even though the sauce was a little burnt and even though as they ate Midorima's eyes again kept faltering over to Takao's lips – and why did he find them so especially mesmerising as they moved biting and chewing things? – Midorima felt content. His desperate attempts to feel normal, go back to normal, trust Takao again were shattered though as when Takao was about to leave after their dinner, right when he was at the door saying his goodbyes, his phone rang and it was obviously Yukimura based on the cheerful "Yuki-chan!" Takao had uttered. As the raven haired man signalled them "bye" and descended the stairs of Midorima's building, Midorima watched his back; he talked gleefully with the man on the other side of the phone and Midorima felt a big scowl overcoming his face as his stomach felt heavy. Kise was unusually silent that night as well and they sat down in silence, unsure of what to do... At one point, a little tired of the silence Midorima turned on some classical music, then Kise got up and made them some tea. They spent the night like that, saying nothing but drinking tea as they listened to music. Though no words were spoken, one could say that it was the moment they had bonded the most over all the years the two had known each other.

On Sunday morning both woke up very late, which was not so unusual for Kise but very unusual for Midorima. Midorima decided that brunches one after another would be bad for their health and fitness, so he instead prepared a "light" breakfast-slash-lunch: Muesli cereal with milk.

"Hmm... I didn't know you ate cereal in the mornings. Well, it is not even morning really..."

"I eat it sometimes. On busy days often. But normally I prefer miso soup and rice."

"Oh, so you are being lazy today?"

"Kise, just eat."

Kise took a few mouthfuls from the soggy mixture in front of him but then stopped,

"Midorimacchi... is my presence here upsetting you so much?"

"Huh?"

"You have been scowling even deeper than before... And you have this anxious and upset aura."

Kise's presence had indeed disturbed Midorima's routine and he did not like his routine being disturbed but honestly, the reason why he was anxious and upset had nothing to do with Kise and saying that it does would be a too cruel thing to do, even to Kise whom Midorima generally found to be rather annoying.

"It has nothing to do with you."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Does it have to do with Taka-chan?"

"Why would you think so?"

"Ah so it is about Taka-chan... He is the one closest to you after all!"

"I prefer not to talk about this."

"Okay..." Kise mumbled and a silence ensued.

After their late breakfast-slash-lunch-slash-just-feeding-oneself-to-not-collapse, Kise retired to his room while Midorima decided to do some cleaning and laundry. Later, in the afternoon just as he was folding the newly washed garments, his precious silence and peace came to an end with Kise running out of the guest room shouting a little incoherently while Midorima's phone also started ringing.

"Kise, first, be quiet." Midorima said with a very irritated face and tone as he picked up his phone; the call was from Takao,

"Ah Shin-chan! Did Kise tell you? I texted him! Aomine came to my house just five minutes ago."

"So?"

"So?! So: he is looking for Kise."

"Ah..." said Midorima and now understood why among the panicked ramblings of Kise he had heard "I am not going to face him! I cannot! It is too soon!"s a few times.

"Kise did not reply me... Is he okay? I think he should sit down and talk with Aomine."

Midorima looked at Kise who was, after being scolded by Midorima, sitting quietly on the sofa but with a very prominent frown.

"He... does not look like he wants to see Aomine though."

"Well you should make him agree."

"No."

"What?"

"He is not a child Takao even if he sometimes behaves as one. It is their relationship and he knows Aomine and himself better than you or I do. If he decided he is not ready yet we should respect him."

"Wow... that is... so unexpectedly mature of you Shin-chan."

"What do you mean? I am always mature."

"Yeah sure" giggled Takao and continued after a sigh,

"I'll be on stand-by then... tell him that I am here if he needs me. See you later."

Midorima relayed the message to Kise then and saw him soften a bit, however he started to his ramblings again then, this time luckily more coherent and even though Midorima was not interested the least bit in this whole affair he was forced to listen to it and to Kise's worries as he folded the laundry. Since neither could cook and Kise was adamant about not going out for some reason, they ordered in for dinner. A little early too because Midorima had to leave at night: he had the night shift at the hospital.

To the surprise of Midorima, Kise, who was still pretty much a crybaby, did not shed a single tear that whole day, at least till Midorima left for hospital... Since his night was already going to be very tiring, Midorima was glad that Kise did not cause him any such troubles. Unbeknownst to Midorima, Kise did not cry even after he was left alone in Midorima's large apartment. He listened to some music, ate some snacks, rummaged through the pile of clothing Midorima had given him to use during his stay, and then before it was too late in the night, he went to bed... "Ignoring" his problems and moving on was something he was extremely capable of doing but also hated and despaired ever doing; he had done it rather skilfully that night though.

Aomine's night was not spent so nicely and peacefully. Earlier that day, when he had returned from his overseas promotion trip for the sports apparel he was being the "face" of, alongside a famous female tennis player, he found the home he shared with Kise to be empty. It was almost Summer but it felt very cold for some reason that day. He checked every single corner of the large flat but could not find any trace of the blond; no clothes or belongings were taken either, it seemed as though he had vanished into thin air. Aomine cursed his luck and stormed out of the house hurriedly. Kise had to be at Takao. There were only two places he would go to: Momoi Satsuki or Takao Kazunari and since the former was out of town now, the plausible option was Takao. However his search there led to no results and Takao seemed honestly ignorant of Kise's whereabouts; Aomine doubted this though, for first of all Takao was a very good actor and liar whenever he wanted and secondly, Kise was way too close with him to not inform him of his whereabouts at least. He had no choice but to leave though. The second idea that popped up to his mind was possibility of Kise hiding out at Kuroko and Kagami's place but he found no trace of the blond there either. Instead of the blond, there was some very harsh judgement on the part of Kuroko and Kagami of all people, especially Kagami who outright accused him of being an insensitive jerk. The redhead had always been one of the most sensitive and emotive ones out them all despite his looks that would make one think he was a "tough man". When Aomine returned back home the sun had just set.

The pastel sky of the blue hour setting the living room to a peculiar shade of sadness and dim light, he sat alone. He was not sure how much time had passed when his mobile phone rang and he picked it up right away without even looking at the name, in partial panic, desperately hoping that it was Kise but it turned out to be his manager.

"Why did you leave Seoul without saying anything?! And I could not reach you even though your plane seemed to have arrived hours ago..."

"What the hell do you want? Is it not enough you screwed my life already?"

"Why are you being so wilful about this!? You needed it! I am telling you. Sure you look hot but you are almost thirty and in all your career except some very obviously groundless rumours you never had a girlfriend. People were suspecting things..."

"I don't care what people suspect. My private life is my private life. You had no right to interfere. How could you lie to so many people anyway?! I cannot believe you... And I cannot believe she agreed to this either."

"Look... she is really fond of you regardless, so perhaps you could try to get close to her a bit? It would be really good for your image. Not many young female athletes look as good as her and not many will accept a situation like this... So it is golden!"

"It is nothing golden. Look, I am tired and I am trying to deal with the fall out of all this so please, can you leave me alone?"

"But people will probably ask about this during the interviews after the playoff games... So you should be ready."

"Oh I know what I will tell them..."

"Aomine please don't screw this up. This is good for you. I am doing this for you."

"Good bye." Aomine said with a very upset tone and hung up, the next thing he did was to block his manager's phone number... He really could not stand to talk with her now. Things were hectic enough. He had the playoffs start in less than a couple of days and this had happened... He stared to the empty house that was wrapped with the darkness of the night now. He sighed. The house looked like somebody else's to him, it did not seem or feel like his home. What makes a home, "home"? What made his home, "home"? It was Kise. It had been Kise for a long, long time now. Without the blond's cheerful giggles and dramatic gestures, without his childish antics and fruity scent lingering in the rooms... This house did not seem like what he called "home" at all. Perhaps, "home" was not a location or a dwelling but the people we returned to for love and comfort.

Why was he being overtly sentimental? Why was he suddenly afraid of turning on the lights of the house and to fully realise its "emptiness"? Why was he already feeling so guilty for accusing the other of distrust and childish caprices just a few days ago? Why did he not want to go to bed at all and even could not bring his eyes to look at the door of their bedroom, as though the room was haunted with the ghosts of his worst nightmares? Why did he feel so hungry but could not bring himself to eat or cook for he always felt strange cooking for himself or for somebody else who was not Kise?

He cursed his own melodramatic take at everything at that moment and he cursed his luck and he cursed his manager and he cursed this world that seemed somehow big enough for every couple but could not fit in, did not have enough space or tolerance for their modest union... He needed a plan, he had to find Kise, he had to find a way to say "sorry", he had to find a way to rectify the situation, and he had to be fast for he had the important duty of being the ace and captain of their team and all looked at him for victory... But that night, he could not think of anything and he felt cold and a little scared even if he would not admit to it. So he fell into sleep silently and slowly on the sofa in the living room, with his phone clenched in one of his hands while the other held close a cushion that somehow smelt slightly of Kise... Perhaps it was his imagination, but it did help.

The next morning, he was right back at the task of finding Kise after having some quickly made miso soup for breakfast. He called his coach and personal trainer and explained the little stunt his manager had pulled and that he felt there would be too much undesirable media attention in their training if he attended, so he was able to get two days free. He had to find Kise and fix things in these two days and there was only one way to do it that fast. Even though he did not like the idea, he had no choice: he called Akashi.

"It was really... tasteless." Akashi said, disgust was prominent in his voice.

"I know. And it was not my idea."

"I never said it was, it does not change the fact that it is your responsibility."

"I know, I know and I will fix it. Somehow. I just need to find Kise first."

"What will you tell him when you find him?"

This was why he hated bringing Akashi into his affairs; too many questions asked and answers of almost all them were probably already known any way. Why did he even bother to ask?

"I will say sorry. I will explain to him."

"What will you explain?"

"Look Akashi, will you help me find him?"

"I think you are missing the point here. Point is not finding him, that part is easy and I can tell it to you right away, but the point is what you will 'explain' to him. How can you ensure this does not happen again?"

"What... are you talking about? Wait you know where he is?"

"Obviously, I do. But really... you don't get this whole situation at all, do you?"

"What do you mean? And tell me the location please."

Aomine had forced himself too much to be able to utter the "please" and it was very much apparent at the way he pronounced the word, Akashi did not mind though, he enjoyed being one of the few people who could make Aomine say "please".

"I will tell you the location. But please Daiki, first explain me, how will you rectify this?"

The problem Aomine had with this question was that he did not know the answer so an inevitable silence commenced...

"Fine" Akashi said, "I feel very generous today. You obviously do not know what the issue is in the first place or perhaps you sense it a bit but you are not sure how to deal with it... What do you think is the problem here? Does Ryouta not trust you enough to see that this is a PR ploy?"

"I am sure he understands it is a PR thing... and I don't know... maybe he does not trust me..."

"I think he trusts you, as much as one can trust another when it comes to matters of heart. If he knows it is a PR ploy, why do you think that he was so upset that he left? Without letting you know either?"

"He is obviously jealous and it is normal, everyone is going around talking about his boyfriend hooking up with a young chick... anybody would be jealous, if it happened to Kise I would. And you know my... 'thing'. And she... fits that too. So that probably aggravates it... He probably disappeared in the first place because he wants me to suffer and also to care, to find him."

"Well you are mostly right but I think you are trying very hard not to notice something that is very much in front of your face, or perhaps it is hard for you to notice it specifically because you love Ryouta too much..."

"What are you talking about?"

"She is a 'young chick'. She has quite a commendable bosom. You both are getting older, we all are... Becoming older always hits the 'pretty' ones hardest. Even if they glow with self-confidence, perhaps more so even. You must have noticed. He will have some insecurities, his career has already started taking very significant turns as he does not fit the 'young pretty boy' image any more. It is not his lack of trust that is the motivating factor here but his lack of trust and confidence in himself. And yes, he has disappeared to grab your full attention because that is the cure to his illness: he needs confirmation."

"This is bullshit! He still looks as hot..."

Akashi chuckled at the honest slip of Aomine,

"You should be telling that to him, not to me. And to be frank with you, this may repeat again. You are living your relationship in the darkness, even if you left him tomorrow nobody would know, he could not express his sadness over his loss properly but hide it everywhere, from everyone, only to share it with few people he is close to... It is a burden. It is not easy. It harms one's confidence even more. There is a reason why humans have always sought public recognition when they formed relationships..."

Aomine thought a little about these words but he was not sure what to say or how to interpret them, Akashi realised his confusion and chuckled, he was amused really, what better way to start a Monday morning then have Aomine squirm at your finger tips...

"He is at Midorima's place. Please be gentle and kind."

"What the heck is he doing at that freak's place?! Jeez... I would have never thought to look there. Thank you. I'll see you later."

Aomine did not wait to hear more before he hung up because he really did not feel in the mood to listen to more of Akashi's unwarranted counselling. Not that he was ever in the mood for that. He headed to Midorima's place with a little bit excitement and a little bit despair in his heart, but he tried to give courage to himself as he drove...

"He will return. It will be all right." he mumbled.


	17. Chapter 17

When Midorima entered his home that morning, very tired but interestingly without any desire for sleep, he found Kise sprawled on the sofa in the living room, in what he thought was a sleeping attire, snacking on some dry cereals while watching a children's anime.

"Oh Welcome back home!" he said with a slightly sleepy cheer as he made some space on the sofa.

"I thought you would still be sleeping."

"I try to wake up early normally whenever I can."

"I see."

"How was your working Midorimacchi? You seem very tired."

"It was tiring and I am tired. I am more hungry than sleepy though."

"Oh, want some?" Kise offered the small bowl he was eating from but Midorima looked at the sugary dry flakes with dismissal,

"It is too early to eat it too dry like that. I think I want a proper breakfast."

"Ah well no can do then..."

"Hmm... there is a Bills restaurant close by actually, a couple of blocks away. They must be serving breakfast by now."

"Really? I love their scrambled eggs! It is the best in the city."

"It is quite good indeed. I think we can have breakfast there."

"Great idea Midorimacchi! Oh! Taka-chan's school is closed right? I should invite him over too... Let me go call him!"

And Kise jumped and disappeared into the guest room where his mobile phone was, Midorima sighed... Well, it would not hurt to see Takao now, he wanted to think, his mind a little in a daze from fatigue and whenever he was tired, he especially did not mind having Takao around or rather, to admit it in all honesty, he preferred having Takao around. It was almost as if the cheerful man would sooth him and energise him as well.

Kise came back a moment later and hurled himself cheerfully to the sofa,

"He was still sleeping but he said he should be ready and over here in like 15 minutes."

"Hmm... okay."

"Were you watching the anime? Don't tell me you like this one too? I adore it. Even if it is for children."

"I used to watch it when I was a child."

"Really? Me too!"

"It is... cute, I guess" Midorima said absent-mindedly and Kise smiled; Midorima's aloofness took a different dimension when he was tired and lacking sleep, it was much warmer and the normally distant man always seemed more approachable.

"You should take a shower before Taka-chan comes Midorimacchi..." Kise advised and Midorima thought it was indeed a good idea.

About 10 minutes after that, as Kise continued watching the children's show in the living room, while nibbling on his snack, and Midorima had just gotten out of the shower and was trying to dry himself up, the door bell rang.

"Jeez I totally forgot to even put on clothes and Takao is already here. How does he always get ready so quickly yet still look so fabulous..." Kise murmured as he got up to open the door.

When Kise opened door the man he saw in front of him was surely not Takao: there stood, Aomine Daiki with a sudden relief on his face as their gazes met. Kise, on the other hand, was shocked and simply shut the door immediately.

"Oi! Kise! Open the door! What the heck..."

Aomine continued ringing the bell and knocking on the door but Kise was almost frozen in his spot in front of the door. He had not expected to see Aomine, it had been very surprising for him and he was unsure of what to do. After a few seconds, upon the continuous noise Midorima, intrigued, stomped out of bathroom to the hall and saw Kise stunned.

"Hey? What is it? Why is the door still ringing?"

"Kise! I said open the door!"

"That is not Takao's voice."

"No... it's Aominecchi."

They shared a look and Midorima sighed,

"He will break the damned door and humiliate me in front of my neighbours... Idiot."

Midorima moved towards the door, which was banging rather loudly now with the hard knocks Aomine was giving it, and moved Kise slightly away as well before opening the door and Aomine, keen to not have the door shut to his face again leaped inside in the blink of an eye.

He was angry and upset at the little trick Kise pulled, he had been in pain and agony for days now due to blond's disappearance and shutting the door to his face like that had hurt his pride and let loose all the feelings that had accumulated in him over the course of the days. Midorima moved to close the door behind their back, hoping to God in the back of his mind that most of his neighbours were away at their offices and had not witnessed the shameful incident.

Now that he was inside Aomine carefully examined Kise, like a mother examines their previously lost child after finding them, to ensure that all was okay and he realised his attire then or lack thereof, as well as Midorima's.

"Why the heck are you wearing Midorima's shirt? And where are your underwears?!"

"I am wearing underwear" Kise yelled pulling up the pink coloured ridiculously large tshirt which was way too loose on him to show his unnecessarily tiny and tight yellow boxer briefs and Aomine quickly pulled tshirt down back,

"Don't look at me so accusingly. I find his choice of underwear ridiculous as well. He should use proper boxers. And that tshirt is not mine. I am tall but I am not that large that it would be so loose on Kise. Just work your mind, idiot."

"Whose shirt is it then? And it does not explain why are you half naked!"

"It is Murasakibara's. Remember last year's Christmas party that you all insisted to hold in my house? Then Murasakibara sprayed champagne on everyone, including himself? I told him to drop by to take it but he never did. And I am, obviously, half naked because I just had a shower and if you were not almost breaking down my door I would not have had to rush out of the bathroom."

Midorima sighed and moved his wet locks from the front of his face,

"Such childish jealousy. Just talk this out already. And don't fight please, I don't want to disturb my neighbours with too much noise."

As Midorima walked away back to bathroom, Aomine gripped Kise's left wrist and pulled him towards the door,

"Come on. We are leaving."

"No we are not." Kise stood firmly in his place and Aomine sighed in defeat,

"You want to stay here?"

"Maybe?"

"You got to be joking..."

"If you want to leave, you can leave."

"Is this really how we are going to deal with... with 'this'?"

"Oh, Aominecchi, why is it that you cannot pronounce what it actually is? It is not 'this', it is your manager confirming to the whole nation that you are going out with a busty young woman and distributing a wide range of very, very suggestive pictures of you too. And the last time I checked, you have not denied it yet to the media, or have you?"

Kise's voice was clear and there was no "-ssu"s or his usual cheer that would resonate from every syllable. It was a harsh but clear tone and he pulled his arm away forcefully, breaking Aomine's grip, and walked to living room without looking back. Aomine sighed and followed him.

"You must know that they are all lies... And I was going to deny it, I was just first focused on finding you..."

"Yes, I do know, but not rest of the world. Since we are 'such close buddies' according to the media, my fans have been asking me online about you two. Can you imagine how that feels? To be asked that about your own lover?"

"This is part of being in front of the public. You yourself always say it..."

"Yes but it does not mean that knowing it will make it any less painful. It does not mean that I am not hurt or I will not be hurt. I am hurt. I hate her. I hate her so much. I hate the way you look at her. And you can deny it, but I know, it must feel good; it must feel good when a young pretty person is so infatuated with you and compliments you and looks at you with those bright eyes... I hate that I hate her and hate these so much because maybe these are normal, these are part of being human but I am so... so full of you, up to the brim I cannot accept it. I cannot. And you do not realise that."

Kise sat on the sofa and slouching, covering his face with the palm of his hand as one of his elbows rested on his knee.

"Kise... I understand your feelings. We can talk about this but you should come home."

"You understand? You understand nothing. You are not me. You don't have the same worries or concerns."

"I have worries and concerns of mine too!"

"Do they ever involve losing your lover because your ass won't be tight enough for him in the next five years or so? Or because there are just goddamn too many D cup models adoring over him and he cannot get over his adolescent fetishes?"

Aomine felt his face flush a little,

"You are being childish... This is stupid."

"It is not stupid!" Kise yelled and stood up abruptly.

The door bell had been ringing again but neither had heard it, except Midorima who was fully clothed now and with an irritated glare at the two who seemed to be arguing in the living room, he went to open the door. It was Takao but before Takao could announce his entrance gleefully, like he always did, Midorima pointed towards the living room and simply whispered:

"Aomine is here."

"Ah..." Takao was concerned.

It was at that moment they heard Kise yell, the sound of something break.

When Kise had gotten up so abruptly he had accidentally kicked the table in front of the sofa, which had caused the small maneki-neko, the pretty porcelain beckoning cat figurine, that stood tall and happy on the edge of the table to fall down and shatter into pieces.

Kise looked at the broken figurine with a little guilt, when he spoke his voice was smaller,

"I am not going home. Can't you just let me be like this?"

"No way!"

Aomine had almost growled.

For a second it sounded as though his voice was pure fury, but if Akashi or Kuroko was there with them, he would say that it was not fury but panic; it was hard to discern for the ordinary folk though.

This was the moment Midorima and Takao entered the room and while Takao quickly went towards Kise who was looking at Aomine with angry eyes, Midorima's eyes were fixated on the broken pieces of porcelain on the ground, he was stunned.

"You have to come home. I... I cannot go to that place without you. I cannot be there. I suffocate. I... I am afraid. It is not my home if you are not there. You have to come home. If you don't want to see me, I will go to a hotel. I will not come until you ask me to. If you want time and space, I will give it, as much as you need. But please, Kise, I beg you, you have to come home."

Aomine's voice was strained and a peculiar sadness and despair was infused in his voice. His face was hanging low, he could not bear to look at Kise's face out of fear. What if he saw bitterness in those honey coloured orbs? What if he saw disgust? A sense of insecurity flooded his whole being and he was not used to this; there was only one person in the whole world that caused this feeling in him.

It was then the anger in Kise's eyes disappeared and he patted Takao's hand that was wrapped around his before releasing his friend's hold and moving towards Aomine, he hugged his lover's neck loosely and with a slight timidity Aomine moved closer, burying his face in the blond's neck; it was heavenly to be able to sniff the fruity smell he had become so accustomed to.

"You say that I am immature and childish but you are worse when it comes to dealing with people you love and care about... What a tantrum..."

"I am sorry..."

"I know..."

"It is cold without you."

Aomine tightened his arms around Kise's waist as if to draw heat from the blond's body and also to ensure, to reassure himself that yes, Kise was in his arms.

"I am just tired..."

"I know and I am sorry that I did not realise how much it was hurting you... I should have. I should not have dismissed your hurt as petty jealousy... I am sorry."

"I am sorry too... I should have left at least a note or kept my phone on. It was silly of me. I just was not sure... I am always swayed by you so easily... Perhaps I wanted to stay angry at you for a bit, this time."

"And I deserve it. For not reassuring your heart and reminding you that you are the most important thing in this world for me."

Aomine raised his face as he said the last words, he wanted to look at the face of his lover and try to convey, for some said the eyes could not lie and if that was true Aomine tried to say, wanted to say through his eyes the fact that he loved the man in front of him, truly, completely, absolutely. Kise smiled then. Aomine gave a chaste kiss on the lips that both enjoyed way too much.

"I will rectify this. Trust me. I will. Trust me."

He repeated almost whispering and Kise closed his eyes, leaning his forehead to his boyfriend's and mumbled,

"Okay..."

It was as if the two lovers were in their own little world, Takao watched them in a mix of envy and happiness whereas Midorima was crouched on the floor trying to collect the pieces of his broken figurine; a particularly sharp shard caused a small cut on his palm and he could not help but give out a small cry of pain. It was then, he realised the two, now hugging closely and whispering to each other what seemed to be words of comfort and love.

Now, bear in mind, Midorima Shintarou was in a mild depression. Midorima Shintarou had not slept the whole night and instead worked at a bloody hospital. Midorima Shintarou had not eaten anything for hours. Midorima Shintarou was very, very tired. Midorima Shintarou had just gotten out of the bath, he was feeling chilly and his hand was hurting. And... his favourite item in his whole house had been broken.

Well, Midorima Shintarou simply lost it then.

"Are you kidding me?"

"Huh?"

"You two are back to good?!"

Midorima stood up and the little pieces of porcelain he had gathered in his hand were thrown to the ground.

"You come to my house, create all sorts of problems for me, and just like that, you are good?!"

"Jeez Shin-chan, stop being such a cold hearted man! Isn't it good that they are both feeling better?"

"I don't care!"

Aomine sighed,

"Look, we will pay for the cat, okay, I am sorry. We didn't mean to break it."

"Is that it? Just because you will pay, will it come back? No! It is broken!"

"Shin-chan, please... it is just a maneki-neko." Takao started moving towards Midorima, he had realised that the greenhead did not look fine at all and perhaps his nerves could not take so much stress, Takao thought, but Midorima angrily barked back,

"You shut up Takao! It is all your fault!"

"Huh? How is this my fault?"

"You brought Kise here!"

"I am sorry Midorimacchi, I didn't mean to disturb you... We will just leave, you don't have to blame Taka-chan."

"But it was Takao's idea to bring you here, wasn't it? It was not yours!"

"God! I cannot believe you! Why do you have to be so cold? They are your friends! You just helped out a friend!"

"And what did I get in return?! A bleeding hand, my favourite lucky item broken, and a headache!"

"Why do you have to be so selfish?"

"Are you really going to accuse me of being selfish Takao? Because you are the most selfish person I know. You drag people around. You only think of yourself."

"How can you say that to me?!"

"Did you ever think about me with all the shit you pulled out in all these weeks?! Huh? Did you?"

"What the... why are we talking about that now? That has nothing-"

"It has everything to do with this! All this strange things happening my life these days, it is all you! All this chaos... It is all your fault! And you are a liar!"

"Huh?! When did I lie to you?"

"Which one should I mention, about your car being broken down? Or maybe that you are 'just friends' with Yukimura!"

"What the hell! So what if I lied about my car, I don't have to drive you around, I am not your driver! You are goddamn adult, drive yourself. And stop being so stuck about Yukimura."

"You could have told me that! I would not have asked you then. But you lied! You are coward!"

"No I am not!"

"Yes you are! That is why you are still hiding your relationship with Yukimura from me!"

"I am not hiding anything! Yukimura and me are 'just' friends. Get it to your head."

"I saw you kissing! Friends don't kiss like that!"

Takao almost winced in surprise at that. He had not expected Midorima to have seen them... He regained his composure soon enough though and replied, with a bitter low voice,

"Friends don't kiss like that, huh? But, you, my friend, did kiss me like that! Much more passionately actually."

Midorima was not in his right mind then for if he was, he would not have felt the need to be as bitter or even more to this sudden attack,

"I was drunk! If I was not drunk, I would never, ever do something like that you! That's disgusting. To do that to a friend. You are disgusting. But maybe you two are like that? Friends with benefits? Or are you his mistress or something? Is that why you guys do it in the dark and not let anybody know?!"

It was at that moment that Takao did something he had never done. He stomped forward and slapped Midorima on the face. It was not a playful slap; it was heavy and left a very visible red pattern on Midorima's face. It caused a shrieking noise as it hit Midorima's face. Aomine and Kise were stunned. When Midorima opened his eyes, his face stinging in pain, he saw Takao's eyes wet, silent tears flowing on his face; as if he was the one who had received the slap, not given it, his eyes looked hurt and sad.

"He asked me out once but I rejected him because I was in love with somebody else. That night, you saw us kissing, he was despaired, and hopeless, and he asked me for the first time since I knew him for a selfish thing. He asked me to kiss him. And it was wrong, I should not have kissed him but I did. Because I understand what it means to have an unrequited love. Because I have been in an unrequited love with my best friend over a decade and I would kill to have a single chance to have him kiss me. It would make me so happy that knowing that I could not just say no to him. I am not going to say sorry for that to you. You... You douchebag, I just wanted him to have the chance that I never had. That the time I finally received a kiss from the man I've loved for so many years, it was a drunken mistake. A disgusting thing you say? It was drunken and it was stupid maybe, but it was not disgusting for me, it can never be disgusting for me. You can never be disgusting for me. You asshole."

As he talked, Takao was seeping with anger, his whole body was slightly trembling and as soon as he finished talking, he stomped away from Midorima's apartment so fast, like a lightning... After the initial shock, Kise followed his friend out and Aomine followed Kise, without any words or a glance at Midorima.

Midorima heard the door of his house shut behind them harshly with a bang. He felt weak in his knees and fell to the floor, on his knees... His hand hurt, and his face hurt, but somehow he could not feel any pain and instead a numbness entrapped his whole body.


	18. Chapter 18

_(No fluff on the MidoTaka side yet, but here, have some AoKise fluff. And thanks a lot for all the lovely reviews! We have only a few more chapters to go.)_

* * *

After a few minutes spent in silence, sitting on the floor on his knees after Takao and the other two had left, Midorima felt enough strength in his legs to stand up and move over to the sofa. He lied down on the sofa and soon, he fell asleep; his mind had been so confused, so shaken that he could not think straight and felt lost in a deep daze... His fatigue, built up stress, lack of sleep, and hunger had aggravated his downfall.

When he woke up, it was very late in the afternoon. He cursed waking up for waking up meant becoming conscious and aware and that was the sole thing he did not want to have. If he was any less dutiful, he would rummage through his wine cellar; but he had an early shift at 6 am next day, drinking was not an option. He lied there on his sofa and all he could think about were Takao's words and his face as he said them. The anger. The sincerity. The sadness. The pain.

Takao loved him. Sure, he had always been aware that Takao had shown great affection and love for him. To the point that Midorima, in his adolescent arrogance, sometimes called Takao to be "his servant" back in high school. Midorima had recognised this affection and over the years he had come to feel and show his own kind of affection towards Takao. As Akashi had put it so clearly earlier, he had been so satisfied with this love and affection that he had never felt the need for any other, from any women or men, romantic or platonic, of any kind... It was something else for Takao to "love" him though: there was a difference between "love" and "love". There was a difference, of what he had put so exactly himself, for example, of passionate kisses. Takao had not just loved him as a very dear friend and perhaps in platonic innocence, no he had loved him like one loves a lover and desires a lover. It was different. Even after his talk with Akashi, even after Akashi's blunt suggestion that "something" between the two was possible, Midorima had never thought that Takao had already been there, had already been feeling that... He had thought that at best it would be a matter of moving beyond the symbiotic relationship they had wrapped in platonic love to something else, something more... Apparently, from Takao's point, it had always been something more.

Over a decade, he had said. For so many years, he had said. The memories flooded Midorima's mind then, of awkward moments, of embarrassing moments; of moments when Takao's eyes seemed to linger for too long on his naked body in the locker room that Midorima would feel a little self-conscious... of moments when Takao would smile so fondly and content after receiving a present from Midorima, even if it was a small trinket... of moments when Takao would fall in a daze looking at Midorima's face, in the middle of a dinner or at a bar, and Midorima would wonder just what was so interesting about his face... of moments when Takao would hug him a little tighter than usual, after they had not seen each other for longer than usual... of moments when Takao would throw tantrums if Midorima cancelled an outing, and Midorima used to think that it was too selfish of him...

Midorima recalled and scrutinised every hug, every touch, every giggle, every blush, every intense gaze, every frown that he could at that moment and found different meanings now, different feelings in them... Then he remembered how Takao had laughed but it had felt then for some reason so forced when Midorima had announced that he was going to start dating Azumi. Now that he knew of his friend's feelings, a heavy guilt settled on Midorima's chest; how hurt was Takao then? Had he pained? How much courage and self-control did it take to keep his frustration in? Midorima remembered how that day Takao had made up something and left early and tracing back his life he could see all these moments when Takao would leave abruptly, would give out a fake chuckle, or feign ignorance... He remembered when he told Takao about his plans of engagement and marriage, how angry and sad Takao had looked, how he had said it was his migraine... Was it? Or was it the dagger Midorima had so perfectly stabbed through his heart? The guilt sank in heavier and heavier inside Midorima; without knowing, just how much had he hurt Takao over these years?

"I am an idiot" he muttered... a rather loud rumbling of his stomach then reminded him of his hunger. He got up reluctantly and rummaged through his refrigerator to find something to eat. After he ate to sooth the pangs of hunger, he went to bed and forced himself to sleep. Sleeping, it seemed, if not cure his issues would at least bring him to a state of unawareness so that he could at least not feel so burdened with this guilt that was consuming his whole body and soul.

"Ah... I am worried about them..." mumbled Kise. He was sprawled over the bed and smelt sweetly of citrus, of orange, and mandarins, courtesy of the shower gel he used; he had just gotten out of the shower, his skin was still tender and slightly wet and the large white towel around his waist had gotten loose when he hurled himself onto the bed. Aomine, who was sitting on their bed when the blond had come in, had started to kiss him, gently; as if adoring his lover's body and rather uninterested in the topic Kise was occupied with, he kissed the finger tips of his lover one by one, the palm of his hand, the inside of his wrist and then of his elbow, then outside of his elbow...

"Hm... Aominecchi? Do you think they will be fine?"

"Mm... don't care..."

"Aominecchi!" Kise's voice was partly protesting and partly chiding but the man who now hovered over him did not seem to mind and instead kissed and nibbled on his shoulder,

"I missed you so much... I am sorry but I couldn't care less about anything else right now."

Kise felt his face flush; Aomine's brutal honesty affected him pretty much in the same manner as it did when they were young...

"I... I missed you too..."

"You are so beautiful... Kise..."

"Don't lie to me... Weren't you spending your days with a very hot young woman like, until a day ago?"

Aomine lifted his face and gave an irritated glare,

"You are beautiful, but you are even more beautiful in my eyes because I love you, I want you. I don't feel like that towards her. Or for anybody else other than you."

He cupped his lover's cheek,

"And you are beautiful... you are still young but I will love you when you are old too, I will love and kiss every wrinkle on your face, and somehow even they will look good, I am sure... I will be all wrinkly too anyway..."

"You are awfully sappy today Aominecchi..."

"And that is all your fault but enjoy it, you won't see it again..."

Soon, lost in Aomine's little touches and kisses, Kise also forgot about his friend's situation, perhaps it was a little selfish but it was inevitable.

Not that Takao minded it. When they had first left Midorima's apartment, Kise had caught up with Takao right when he was out of the building but Takao had, despite his crying face, told him that he was fine and needed to be alone, he had even forced a laugh out, "Jeez Ki-chan, you do realise that you are half naked and outside right..."

Kise had not insisted further, partly indeed due to his lack of trousers at that moment. He had left Midorima's house in such urgency that he had not stopped to think of his attire. After reaching home with Aomine, he had called Takao again and asked repeatedly if he wanted company but Takao had rejected.

"You should stay with Aomine, you guys need it. I am fine. It was bound to happen, one day or another." Takao said. His voice was a little cold and distant and Kise was not sure how to deal with it; he could not insist...

Takao was honest when he said that he needed to be alone. He did not want to see or talk to anybody but first come to terms with himself, with what had happened, with had he had said, and what this all meant and would come to mean. It was a big step but he had done it, he had finally revealed it to Midorima. Why had it been so easy? Why had it been so urgent and sudden? It was not that he had planned to say it to Midorima, he definitely had not. It was not that it was the first time Midorima was acting so childishly grumpy and irrationally angry; instead, the tall male still threw such tantrums now and then, even at his age, that Takao was mostly immune to them. He could tell that Midorima's tongue was especially sharp out of anger and irritation and his stupidly humongous pride than a truthful resentment, still, it had hurt. It had hurt to be told that he was disgusting. It had hurt to be the target of so many baseless accusations. Perhaps, as Midorima was so stressed out that he had lashed out of blue, he himself also had been so stressed out that he had lashed out of blue and confessed. How had they both achieved be to so filled up to the brim, accumulate so much dissatisfaction and displeasure that it would ignite so powerfully and suddenly?

What was going to happen to them now? He could not pass this one by saying that he was not feeling well. Midorima could not, would not ignore this, nor that he himself could and he was not really sure if he wanted to anyway; all these years of ignoring, of postponing, of looking the other way, of trying to move on – what had they achieved? Sure, he had been happy, but he had been sad and hurt too. They had to face the truth. Their relationship was not normal. And if Midorima had allowed it because he was incredibly innocuous and alien to ways of human interaction and relationships, Takao had certainly allowed it deliberately, knowingly, intently...

They would have to eventually talk this out, discuss it, and come to terms with it; some kind of terms... and it scared Takao. It scared the hell out of Takao. He was not the only one scared.

Neither Midorima nor Takao called each other during the week, and when the Friday morning came Midorima was anxious and a nervous disaster. He felt like a cornered animal: he wanted to face Takao but he was not sure what he had to say to rectify the situation, what would become of them. He did what he did whenever he was stuck with an uncertainty and dilemma he simply could not resolve on his own, he dialled the number he knew so well, the voice on the other side of the line did not sound amused,

"It is a wonder you have not called till now..." said Akashi, Midorima gulped,

"So you heard."

"Should you really even be asking that?" There was a chiding tone in Akashi's voice and it disturbed Midorima greatly,

"I am not sure what I should do."

"So are you suggesting I give you advice?"

Midorima could not answer and Akashi simply sighed,

"But I already told you what you should do. There is nothing else I can do for you."

"What is it? What do you mean?"

"You should decide, Shintarou. You should come to a decision. Even you should be capable of doing that. Before, it was a matter of what you preferred and you could postpone making that decision perhaps, as long as it did not cause you much discomfort. You don't have that luxury anymore. That is what happened. Hurry up and decide already. Nobody will wait you forever, humans are not that loyal; even Takao is not."

Akashi hung up the phone before Midorima could reply and Midorima felt as though he was slapped a second time. He knew it though: he had to make a decision. He had to think this through. A few minutes later, he sent Takao a message, announcing that he would prefer if they did not have Friday meet-ups for the time being... Takao responded with a single word: "Okay."

That night, as he lazied in front of television, something he very, very rarely did, Midorima saw on a sports channel the short interview a journalist did with Aomine right after his latest game, while he was all sweaty and tired; any other time, they would be watching the playoffs with Takao but both had almost completely forgotten about it now. Aomine's matches have been going pretty well, unsurprisingly apparently, and after a couple of questions about his team's performance so far, the reporter asked about the recent girlfriend rumours.

"I wanted to talk about this properly at a later press conference... But let me tell you: I have no relationship whatsoever with Miss Hikari. It was a mistake on my manager's part to assume there was. I actually am in a happy relationship already, I have always kept this out of media's eyes because I like having my privacy. But these kind of rumours hurt me and my partner, so I would appreciate if fans and media did not pay attention to them."

Midorima was rather surprised at the mature way Aomine had handled himself; he also wondered what this would mean. Did he think that he would be able to get away with that? Many tabloid reporters probably already started investigating every single detail of Aomine's life right there and then to find clues about this mysterious lover of his. What would he do if it was found out that he was in a relationship with a man? Wouldn't he be shunned? Midorima had heard that discrimination of that sort was especially common in sports related fields. He almost laughed at himself then though: Aomine would not care. Aomine had never cared about what people would think.

Two weeks later, Aomine's team would announce their victory at the playoffs. The final was played against Kagami's team, a great showdown of aces had happened and both Midorima and Takao had watched the game – in their respective homes, alone. It had been a very dynamic, entertaining game and almost 15 minutes after it, they each had received a message, part of a "mass message" sent by Kise:

"Hah! You are surprised that I am sending this already but hey, I knew he would do it so I had prepared it in advance! You are invited to Aominecchi's Glorious NBL Victory Party this Sunday! We will be at Himuro's, at 9 pm! Kagamicchi, don't cry, try better next time – come and drown your sorrow with us!"

"Silly" muttered Midorima, but was also a little bit amused, it would be a little funny to watch Kagami so despaired, having to be part of his rival's victory celebrations and Midorima was sure that Kise would find a way to ensure Kagami's presence there, not to rub Aomine's victory to his face but because the blond seemed to be quite fond of the redhead and would want his presence as a friend. Rivalry was an interesting thing after all, sometimes it helped forge bonds much closer than most friendships could. Takao would be there too, at the party, and with the idea of Takao's presence Midorima felt a sting of pain on his chest; it had been over two weeks since he had last seen him. He had missed him, there was no doubt in that and he had tried to make his decision but he could not come to one no matter how hard he tried. Perhaps, he had to face Takao to be able to make that decision. Honestly, he leaned more towards finding a way back to their friendship, if possible; as Akashi said, perhaps his life would be "loveless", but that would be better than what he had put Takao through for so many years. He had been satisfied with what he had received but the other side had not been obviously. After his own obliviousness of so many years, he had lost the confidence in himself to make something that would bring such drastic changes to their lives work.

These were his thoughts when he entered Himuro's upscale bar on Sunday evening, it was 15 minutes past 9 pm and the semi private lounge that was reserved for them was the most noisy to be spotted right away. When he got closer, he realised the presence of Yukimura and swallowed hard. There was a heaviness in his stomach. He almost stopped in his track and for a split second even wondered if he could go back without being seen, it was at that moment he felt a hand on his arm,

"Shintarou? What a surprise that you are fashionably late as well."

"Ah Akashi... I didn't expect you would come."

"You are probably the one person most expected would not come..."

Midorima opened his mouth to say something but his words were silenced with the cheerful welcoming of Kise,

"Midorimacchi! Akashicchi! Finally! Welcome!"

He looked at the blond with a slight guilt. He had sent, two days after his break down, a text message to Kise, that read "I am sorry. It was improper of me. I was stressed." and Kise had replied with a simple "Don't worry. But please make up with Taka-chan." It seemed Kise had indeed forgiven him but then it seemed as though Kise was always so forgiving. He did not, could not remember the blond being able to stay mad at any person for a long time; he probably could not continue a relationship with Aomine if he had been like that.

Midorima spent most of the night with Akashi, they talked of current world affairs, basketball, Akashi's recent corporate moves, Midorima talked about his residency, Murasakibara and Himuro made comments now and then too, Kuroko chimed in once or twice as well. He did not talk with Takao at all throughout the night, though whenever he thought nobody was looking, he glanced towards his side, and sometimes he would see him engaged in a conversation, slightly leaning towards Yukimura or giggling with him, and would feel an invisible arrow prick his chest painfully.

A little past two hours into the night, when most were tipsy enough to be unnecessarily cheerful but not drunk enough to be lacking consciousness, a gleeful chatter had taken over the various cliques in the small crowd.

"I will win next time. You will see!" Kagami said, slightly loudly and slightly slurping on his words under the influence of alcohol, even Kuroko giggled at that,

"Kuroko, don't laugh! Don't you believe me?!"

"I believe you Kagami-kun. I am sure you will win next time."

"Ah Kagamicchi, I don't think that will be possible. Wanna bet Aominecchi will win next playoffs as well?"

"How can you know that?!"

"Of course, I know that, because I am not playing; if I was, it would be me who would be victorious. But since I am not playing, you guys are lucky and well Aominecchi is the better one out of you two, I can say as an old rival."

"You are just biased Kise-kun."

"Perhaps you are the biased one Kurokocchi?" Kise said winking.

Aomine was watching them bicker silently with a smirk on his face, sipping from the red wine in his glass, he was a little tipsy but not drunk at all when he said, almost whispered,

"You should marry me."

Amongst the chatter and the particular bickering on their corner of the table, most would not even hear the comment, but Kise did and his eyes grew larger, he gave a confused look at Aomine who simply chuckled. For a second blond thought that it had been a joke, a mocking remark, so he was about to laugh too when his lover repeated, this time with a louder and clearer voice,

"But no, I am serious, you should marry me. We should marry."

"Are you seriously asking Kise-kun to marry you Aomine-kun?" Kuroko reiterated the situation with a little confusion on his face, Kagami near him had his mouth open in shock, Momoi was in a similar state.

"Huh? Yeah, I think he should. I think we should. What do you think?"

"Hmm... Well, you two are practically married, so why not? Of course it is what Kise-kun thinks that matters."

"Are you guys seriously discussing marriage?! Like this?! Dai-chan you are a disgrace!" Momoi made a small ball out of the napkins in front of her and threw it to Aomine's face.

"Oi! Why not?! I was just watching him talk with you guys and I thought it was just... the time. We have been together for what? Almost 10 years. We should get married."

"Aominecchi..." Kise's face was flushed and he stuttered a little. He had not expected to be asked a question like this, especially in this kind of a situation.

"You don't even have a ring! You should have a ring before you ask these kind of things!" Momoi was having a small nervous breakdown as she threw two other balls of napkin at Aomine, this time he was able to avoid both of them with his slick reflexes.

"Well they could always buy rings later, if Kise-kun accepts."

"So, Kise, what do you think? I can go out and get a pair of rings now."

"Are you crazy?! Jeez Dai-chan what is wrong with you?! It is almost midnight how are you going to find a place open?"

"Ah... that's right."

"I could help with that" Akashi raised his hand slightly, "it is truly an insignificant matter to get a shop, or two or three to open at this hour. I have connections. What kind of a ring are you interested in?"

"Ah, I don't know, I think something simple. Simple bands. Hmm something golden for Kise and perhaps white gold or platinum for me?"

"That's actually a good taste, I am surprised." Kuroko muttered,

"Wait a second! Are they really getting married?" Kagami exclaimed,

"Aominecchi!" Kise shouted standing up, which caused everyone to look at him with expectation, even Midorima included.

"Yes?"

"I did not even say 'yes' yet."

"Oh... well, yeah. Do you reject me?"

Kise felt all the blood rush to his face and slowly left himself to fall back on his seat,

"Not... not necessarily. I do accept you. I guess..." He mumbled,

"You guess? You are not sure? How can you not be sure?"

"Well you are not a great husband nor wife material, that's for sure." Kuroko said quietly as he sipped from his drink,

"You did not even get him rings! This was the worst proposal I have ever seen. If you had just told me in advance, I would have prepared the best proposal strategy in the world for you... Jeez... This is a disaster" Momoi gulped down her drink angrily almost in one shot,

"I said I will get the ring. Akashi even said he will help. So, Kise?"

Kise looked at Aomine's expectant eyes and started laughing, his laughing was so honest, full of joy and happiness that soon it spread; it had been an amusing proposal if nothing classy.

"Yes, yes I do accept. I can never turn you down you know, I have a soft spot for you!"

"Oh thank you!" Aomine said with a little sarcasm,

"So you want to buy rings?" Akashi asked and upon Aomine's nod he got up and went a little further away to a quiet corner to make a few calls.

"His connections are a bit scary" Himuro mumbled,

"It is really cool though. Once there was this caramel candy they only sold in Hong Kong for a limited time and I wanted to try it so much but travelling was out of question, so when I asked him he just made a few calls and the next day I received a package from the producer itself: a whole big carton of them." Murasakibara explained with quite an amusement and joy.

Soon after Akashi was back he gave a small note to Aomine with names of a few jewellery shops close by, and the couple left their own celebration party to buy wedding bands at almost midnight. After they left, others also started leaving and then Takao also left, with Yukimura. A single car's noise was then heard, as it steered away... Akashi scrutinised Midorima's face, his eyes seemed very focused and concentrated on something invisible, perhaps a thought.

"Have you come to a decision?" he asked,

"I was unsure about it till a few hours ago. But now, yes I have." Midorima replied, his clear voice conveyed confidence and Akashi smiled,

"I hope you do not regret your decision then."

"I will not. I know I will not." Midorima said, then he asked for a refill.


	19. Chapter 19

It was well past midnight and Takao was already in his boxers and a tshirt, he was ready for the sleep when he heard knocks at his door. It was a little scary; he was not expecting anybody and it was too late for somebody to be knocking on his door. Was there an emergency? He went to the door a little panicked and saw Midorima's face when he looked through the peephole. He sighed. The last he remembered that Midorima was still drinking with Akashi and some others when he had left the bar. Had he drunk too much and come to him, in a drunken haze? What did he want? At this time of the night too... He was not sure whether to open or not, but Midorima continued knocking, in that specific tempo he always used. Takao sighed and opened the door slightly.

"It is rather late..."

"I know... I am sorry. Were you sleeping?"

"I was about to."

"I see. Can I come in?"

An uncertainty settled on Takao's face and seeing this hurt Midorima, he had deserved it though,

"I will not take much of your time, I hope. I really need to talk with you."

"You don't seem drunk?"

"Oh, I didn't drink anything alcoholic tonight. All the cocktails I had were non-alcoholic."

"Is that so..."

"I wanted to be sober."

"Good." Takao mumbled, then he took a large breath as if with the air he also breathed in some extra confidence and opened the door a little more so that Midorima could come in. Midorima did, taking his shoes off carefully. He sat down then on the tatami floor of the tiny living room. Takao sat across him, with some careful distance between them and an aloof emotional distance on his face,

"So?"

"I am sorry."

Midorima's voice was very clear when he said his apology that honestly, Takao was surprised. Saying "sorry" was never easy for Midorima, even now, and he always peppered it with "but"s and "if"s, and his voice would be strained, a little forced... Not this time though. This time it was a cut and clear "sorry". Perhaps because of Takao's silence, Midorima thought for a second that his words were not conveyed as sincerely as he had hoped,

"I really am sorry." he repeated, with the same crystal clear tone and this time Takao blinked and nodded.

"Is that all?" he asked,

"No".

"What else?"

"I should not have lashed out at you like that. Or to Kise or Aomine. I was too stressed and tired but that cannot excuse such behaviour. It was rude."

"Okay. Anything else?"

"Do you really love me?"

Takao looked at Midorima's face, a little absent-mindedly; this had been one of the questions he had expected to hear, he had played it out in his mind a few times in the last two weeks, which tone to use when answering, which words to utter... somehow all those little plans had disappeared from his mind now.

"Yes." he said, then his gaze changed a little and Midorima realised that even though his eyes were still directed at him, they were not looking at him; Takao was looking at something else, perhaps a memory, or a thought...

"Yes. I've loved you for years. You were my first love, one could say. In high school. I have loved you ever since."

"But... you were with other people. Many times..." Midorima almost mumbled, unlike his confident and clear voice, this time his voice was almost timid, Takao smiled at that though his smile was rather sad and bitter than happy,

"I am a human. I have desires. I have urges. I knew it was impossible with you. I knew you did not look for that in people. We were not going out. I had to move on. So I fooled around. And I tried. And I tried. Well... Considering that I am still in love with you, it did not really work out."

"Why did you never tell me?"

"What would it change? Would you leave all the carefully crafted plans you did for your life for an adventure with me? You would not! Would your or could you reciprocate that kind of a 'love' for me in the first place? I know you are very much attached to me, and fond of me... but it's not necessarily the same. And even if you did, you are not a person who would leave duties to his family and society and what not so easily like that..."

"I thought so too..." Midorima said and his voice was again clear, but not as confident as when he first started to speak,

"Yeah. Understandably. Whatever."

"You don't understand. I thought so for these two weeks, no actually, even before then... I was content with what we had. This... friendship. I liked it. It was enough for me, to know that you would always be with me. Realising that we could lose it somehow, that I could lose you, to someone else and I would be driven away by marriage from you, it all scared me... I kissed you because I was so scared of losing you that I was not content with what we had anymore. I wanted more. It was not a drunk mistake: it was my honest selfish desires being exposed in a moment when I had lost my inhibitions. I should have never called it disgusting. It was not disgusting. It was the most satisfying kiss I ever had and I don't even remember half of it..."

Takao's eyes grew large with surprise, he had not expected such sincerity from Midorima, whose face had flushed slightly when he uttered the last few words. Midorima took a pause, to calm his anxiety a bit, then he leaned closer to Takao, and continued, facing him,

"And after you told me. For the last two weeks... I thought, that I had been right. That I should have left you alone. If I had, so unknowingly brought so much pain to you, what could I do right? It was impossible. I am not like you. I am not good with people. I cannot empathise well. Look at how I handled even these few weeks... I already have a set plan for the future and it has been going good and you have your own lifestyle."

"That's it I guess, huh?" Takao said, his eyes turned lower to the floor, he could not bear to look at Midorima,

"No. No it is not."

Midorima slowly and gently cupped Takao's left cheek on his palm and lifted his face up slightly so that they were looking at each other again,

"When I saw you tonight. I understood it again. I cannot let you go. This is one wilful, selfish thing I will not, I cannot leave behind, ever. After you left with Yukimura, I knew it. I knew it within me that I could not bear to see you leave with another man like that again. You are mine. You have always been mine. You should be mine. When I drove here, I was so afraid that you had taken him in, that I would knock on your door and it would be again him to open the door. When you opened the door and were in your boxers, I kept calm but inside I was in hysteria, 'what if he is with Yukimura?! What if they were going to be together?!'"

"You are so childishly possessive... And honestly, hearing that makes me happy, but that is not love Shin-chan. You don't love me like that..."

There was a tinge of both sadness and happiness in Takao's voice and Midorima blinked a few times. He had not considered Takao not believing him and he was out of words... Then he leaned in closer and closer and when he felt no protest on Takao's side, he gave a kiss to his lips.

It was simple. It was chaste. It was sweet. It was almost... friendly.

"See..." Takao said, with a sad smile, "I was-"

Takao's words were silenced in the middle when Midorima leaned in again, this time almost forcefully tearing apart the lips of the raven haired man with his tongue; there was nothing simple or chaste or sweet about it. It was chaotic; lips and tongues and teeth and wetness and hotness and breaths, clashing, licking, touching, biting, moving... Midorima wrapped his arms around Takao's waist and pulled him closer to himself. They kissed. And they kissed. And they kissed. Short, almost split second pauses occurred now and then as each was left breathless. But they continued, Midorima continued, to attack relentlessly and Takao seemed to welcome these advanced. When they finally separated, Midorima looked into Takao's eyes,

"I am childishly possessive. But it does not mean I don't love your or want you. I love you. I want you."

"I... You... You are engaged."

"I had asked Azumi to give me some time to rethink, that I wanted some separation and space a week ago... since I was uncertain about what to do. But I am certain what I want to do now. I will talk with her. I cannot marry her under these circumstances. Even if you reject me now, I don't think I can marry her."

"I... I need to think about this. This is all too fast. I have had feelings for you for a long time and I had decided to move on. My heart is way too tired. I am not sure what I am supposed to feel or do anymore."

"I understand."

They stared at each other in silence; in truth, both had been rather turned on with the intense kisses a few minutes ago, this had only increased the tension between them now.

"I should leave... it is late." Midorima mumbled and Takao nodded,

"Yeah..."

Midorima stood up to leave, he put on his shoes and Takao opened the door, to see him off. After Midorima stepped outside and he was about to move towards the stairs, he stopped, he turned back and looked at Takao, it seemed as though he was trying to recall something,

"What is it?" Takao asked, then Midorima's eyes almost shone, with a stoic face devoid of any obvious emotion but with a serious voice he said,

"I have been in heart transplant operations before."

"Huh?"

"I did them. Well, with other doctors. I will do more in the future, probably. I can do it. Heart transplants."

Takao looked at him, very confused, Midorima paused for a second, then concluded:

"_I can give new hearts to people too._"

As he uttered those last words, a small bush adorned his pale cheeks, before waiting to see Takao's reaction he mumbled a "Good night", almost whispered it, and turned back, quickly descending the stairs.

It took one or two seconds for Takao to recall what Midorima was referring to. He giggled then and closed the door.

When Midorima reached his home, his heart was still beating very fast, he wondered if Takao remembered their little chat; it had taken him some time to realise what Aomine had referred to, but during the two weeks or more he had spent apart from Takao he had scrutinised so many memories and found out so many subtle details... How could he have been so oblivious, he could not believe.

He sat on the sofa in the living room for a bit, trying to calm himself down. He was not sure if Takao would accept his proposal, a slight worry then took him over: had he actually proposed Takao anything? Not really. What would he have to say though? "Can you go out with me?" – that sure sounded ugly and strange to Midorima. He was concerned now about whether or not he had conveyed his feelings properly to Takao. He hoped, then though that perhaps they could meet some time this week, have a lunch or maybe dinner, and discuss more and then he could clarify his feelings and what he wants better. Would Takao agree? That was another matter. Midorima was serious though in that even if Takao had not agreed, he would call it completely off with Azumi. If he explained in all honesty everything to her, she would perhaps even offer to continue on; she did not particularly mind Midorima not loving her, neither did he, but right now he could not imagine himself in that kind of a relationship with her... His whole mind would be filled with Takao and he strongly believed that it would be wrong and unfair to her. He took out his mobile phone and messaged her to meet with him for lunch the next day. He remembered how surprised she was when he had told her that he needed some time and space, but had she really expected this? Perhaps. Midorima felt guilty causing all this, it was him who had asked her hand in marriage in the first place. But he had to do it, even if it would make her sad, otherwise was just too cruel.

His eyes then faltered to the little porcelain maneki-neko on his coffee table. He had diligently collected the broken pieces, using a special glue for ceramic and some serious puzzle-solving skills, had put it back together. It looked rather ugly, perhaps, compared to before, and there was a few tiny pieces missing here and there, causing small black holes. Regardless, he was still equally fond of the figurine; he patted its raised paw.

Years ago, during the day of his medical school exam, his lucky item of the day was a cat. His sign was rather low in the luck that day so it was very important, and he had thought taking a maneki-neko would just double his luck; if his lucky item was a cat, what could be better than taking a lucky cat with you? So he had taken the small maneki-neko he had at home with him, however on his way to the exam, during a small accident avoided at the last minute, the small figurine had fallen out of his hand and broken into pieces. He had been terrified and shocked. Almost stunned, unsure what to do, he had called Takao who was going to have his exam the next day and was studying at home. When he told him what went on, Takao had reassured him to move on and go to the place where the examination would be held; he told him not to worry because he would bring him a cat, the luckiest cat. Midorima still remembered what happened next in full detail.

He waited in front of the gate of the building where his examination was to be held in pure hysteria and about 5 minutes before the start of the exam, Takao arrived on his bicycle. He was breathing hard and heavy, quickly removed the small figurine from his messenger bag and signalled Midorima to go.

Later that day, after finishing his exam with excellent results, Midorima learnt that the small figurine belonged to Takao's grandmother.

"Was she a successful academic?" Midorima had asked seriously and Takao had laughed,

"What are you talking about? She was a very cute and satisfied housewife and mother of five."

"Well I needed the luck for academic purposes and you said it was 'the luckiest cat' so I thought perhaps it belonged to an academician's room or something."

"Jeez Shin-chan..." Takao had said, laughing,

"Luck is luck whether it shows itself in academics or sports or family or what not... She is the happiest and the most content person that I know of and she often says that she is the luckiest person in the world."

"I see. I will give it to you tomorrow..."

"Ah no problem, you can keep it. She has a few others at home actually. She is quite fond of those cats. She says that they look so cute and cheeky. A little like me." Takao had joked, nudged Midorima slightly and winked,

"Nonsense." Midorima had muttered then, and tightened his grip on the small figurine.


	20. Chapter 20

"Is it another woman?" had asked Azumi, her eyes clear, her tone serious and calm.

"Something like that." Midorima had said; he had not, he did not want to delve into details.

The conversation had gone easier and shorter than Midorima had expected, less than hour actually. They had been together for over a year and it had taken less than hour to end it. She left the engagement ring behind. Midorima stared at it for a bit. Considering all the troubles, heartaches, and depression he went through in the recent months for the slightest risk of becoming more distant with Takao, what had happened just now, just then, had seemed even stranger. The very idea of "marriage" that seemed to hold so much meaning could be so flimsy, broken so easily and with so little pain and heartbreak... Did it really hold any meaning then? Or perhaps, it held a meaning only if it was built on something stronger? Midorima had always thought that love was a flimsy, weak thing; that it was too unpredictable and temporary to rely on. But perhaps, it was not love that was flimsy and weak, and but lack of it, such that it even sucked any meaning or attachment in a marriage.

He reaffirmed that he had made the right decision; even if Takao rejected him tomorrow, it was the right decision to not marry Azumi. Devoting your life, attaching your very existence to somebody whom you could do so easily without... It seemed utterly irrational and painfully scary. What made Midorima's vision grimmer was the possibility of Takao rejecting for as soon as he had realised that he did not want this marriage, this way, he had also realised that he would not want any other marriage, this way and he was not sure if he could be any other way with anyone but Takao...

Later that day, before returning work, he returned the ring to the jeweller he originally bought it from, though the price he received back was less than two thirds of what it had cost; it was still a big amount. He took the cheque and later donated it to a children's charity that was partially sponsored by their hospital. He thought perhaps this way something good would come out of this series of stupidity on his side.

Thoughts of Takao dominated his day.

How do you approach a friend to become more than a friend with them? Midorima was never skilled at approaching people in the first place, so approaching with ulterior motives was something unthinkable for him: he simply had no idea how to. He had never approached Takao, he had never needed to; Takao had approached him, Takao had stuck himself to him, Takao had been the resilient and persuasive one... He had chased Midorima and now that Midorima had to chase him, he had no clue how to. He could always ask for an opinion, despite the idea hurting his pride a lot, he could do it. Kise, for one, had to know everything about how to approach a man, specifically Takao. However, Midorima did not feel close to this particular idea of trying to win Takao over by suggestions and methods of others, not only because yes it would greatly hurt his pride, but mainly because it felt like it would be cheating, somehow dishonest. If Takao was to agree to be with him, then it would have to be for how he is and that includes both the good sides and the bad sides and the bad sides obviously included a huge deficiency of human courtesy and empathy.

After thinking the whole day about it the only thing Midorima could come up with was asking Takao for dinner and it was already something he had thought of earlier so it was fair to say that he had spent the whole day pondering about a strategy but had come up with nothing. Absolutely nothing. Luckily, Takao had agreed to his invitation but had noted "I will not be coming with my car". It basically meant that Takao would not be driving them back home, which was usually what happened. Midorima had thought about it and responded to him then: "No need to. I will pick you up at your place at 8 pm."

It was unusual, if anything Midorima drove around Takao perhaps once or twice per year, despite their multiple outings every week at normal times. Midorima hoped that Takao would get the hint, where in reality it was not a hint but a very unsubtle message and a very uncharacteristic attempt at being courteous that Takao had laughed out loud reading the message.

The next night when they met, Takao would realise that his unsubtle "hints" had not finished at picking him up; Midorima was wearing an expensive, fine slim fit suit of pure pitch black, contrasting with a slightly dark but very rich green shirt, adorned with a skinny black tie of the same tone as the suit. Takao held himself hard to not giggle but then realised just as he was getting into the car,

"Wait a second, the place we are going, it doesn't have a dress code, does it? I will be able to enter like this?"

Not that he was shabby himself, just not as well and formal dressed as Midorima was; a pair of dark straight jeans, with a blue v-neck, and a black blazer. Midorima looked at him a bit puzzled, then scrutinised the clothing on him which if he had to admit made Takao feel just a tad bit uncomfortable and self-conscious, then Midorima looked at his face again,

"No. You should be good. It does not have a dress code anyway."

It turned out the place they were going was a well-known Korean restaurant which Takao was dearly fond of. He had literally dragged Midorima to the place once on his birthday. Again, it was a tough battle for Takao to not giggle or laugh, Midorima's attempts at being courteous were brutally honest and obvious but he couldn't help ask, to tease him,

"Hmm... Korean food? I thought you did not like it."

"I don't dislike it."

"But you say it smells."

"It does smell. But it is okay. It is not... bad you know."

They did not have to wait long before they were taken to their reserved table and looking at Midorima's distressed face, which probably looked not too different than his regular stoic face to most but surely not to him, Takao finally said it:

"You don't have to try so hard."

"I am not."

"But you are. You hate driving."

Midorima did not respond that and instead pretended that the menu in his hands was the most interesting read of his life. Takao sighed. Taking this as a cue of Takao's frustration, Midorima felt a stab of insecurity in him, putting the menu on the table he himself sighed,

"I don't know how to do this."

"How to do what?"

"I am not even sure how to word it. Woo you? Yes, I guess that is the right word. I don't know how to woo you."

Takao started laughing out loudly at that, he soon had to control himself though as the other guests in the restaurant immediately gave him nasty looks; the place was too upscale and too zen for such noisy laughters.

Midorima's cheeks were slightly reddened now,

"Are you actually gaining pleasure from my humiliation? Tch."

"Sometimes, I must admit, yes. But no, I did not laugh because of that."

"Why did you laugh then? And wait, what?"

"I laughed because... You don't really have to woo me, Shin-chan."

"I don't?"

"No."

"Okay... But why not?"

"Why would you have to? You have already wooed me, unknowingly, years ago. I am already very much in love with you."

"Okay..."

The waitress approached them before Takao could say anything and after they placed their orders and waitress left, the first one to speak was Midorima,

"The next time you are driving."

"Huh?"

"The next time we go out, you are driving."

"Jeez... Shin-chan. Maybe I should have insisted in you wooing me." Takao giggled.

"If you are so in love with me and I don't have to woo you, why have you not agreed to be... with me?"

"Hmm that right there is a clue, isn't it? What is 'being with you'? What does it entail? What are we going to be?"

"I am not sure. Boyfriends, I guess?"

"Wow. I really cannot imagine you with a boyfriend."

"You had said 'I really cannot imagine you with a girlfriend' when I first started dating Azumi."

"Yeah, and we all know how your relationship with Azumi went right..."

"Fine, it is not a very good example. I called it off with her, completely, by the way. We are fully separated."

"It was not necessary..."

"It was."

"I have not accepted you yet."

"I told you, even if you do not accept me, I don't think I can do it with her."

"Why? What changed?"

"It is... complicated."

"If what is with Azumi is complicated, how ours is going to surprise its fatal complexities?"

"Huh?"

"Look... It is all up in the air. I mean... Sure I love you, but what will we be? Your idea and expectations from a relationship were very simple till just a few weeks ago, now all that will have to change. Your whole life will be upside down. People will look at you differently."

"People were already making a lot of gay jokes about us."

"Yes, 'jokes'. It is different when it is reality. You are a very dutiful person and you care about being proper towards the society and manners and all... It will be extremely tough for you."

"I can handle it."

"I am not so sure."

Midorima sighed, he was frustrated at the little faith Takao seemed to put in him about this and Takao did not like frustrating Midorima but he had to be brutally honest about his points. Then Midorima said quite seriously and bluntly,

"I have a toy spider in my wallet."

"Huh? What? What does it have to do -"

"Because my lucky item today was a spider. The fastest I could do in the morning was to buy a cheap small toy spider from a shop on my way to work, I put it inside my wallet. During work I dropped it once and one of the nurses saw it and she thought it was real; it looks like a tarantula. So she got scared and screamed. Then other nurses hearing her screaming 'Spider!' also started screaming."

"You are joking."

"No. I had to explain to them that it was a toy and it was not real. Then the head nurse chided me thinking I was pulling a prank but I explained to her that it was my lucky item of the day. She was not much impressed even though she is fairly used to some of my... quirkier lucky items."

"You are crazy" Takao giggled,

"I am not. But I don't care that people think so because of my lucky items, precisely because I value them, I believe in them. I care about what people think and our social norms and values because I think they are important things, but I will not follow them blindly if they do not make sense to me. I will not even care about them if they conflict with what I deem valuable or what I believe in. And Takao, I value you. And I believe in you."

Takao's giggle turned into a silent smile,

"You are... so sweet. It is true too, I know, what you are saying is true. It is hard though. You don't know it, you have never experienced these kind of things... I have."

"You do not have confidence in me?"

"That is not it! I swear. I guess... I am just afraid. There will be no return from it. The fear of losing you has always been my greatest weakness. Making a relationship work is already hard, with you making a decision like this in just a few weeks... Perhaps this has been all pre-wedding jitters..."

Midorima looked at him with hurt eyes; Takao knew of that look very well and bit his tongue inside his mouth. He hated to disappoint Midorima like that but he really did not like the idea of Midorima diving into something new only to realise that it was a mistake made in an anxious time. That, that would ruin Takao.

His head sightly fell down, he could not bear to look at his friend. Then he heard his name being said, so softly; a voice Midorima rarely used, perhaps exclusively in moments when he thought Takao was hurt, after a serious accident or when Takao was ill. When Takao lifted his head, he unexpectedly found Midorima's face to be so close, he felt blood rushing to his face, shocked at their proximity and the way Midorima was leaning towards him, he could imagine people looking at them,

"Shin-chan?" was all he could utter before Midorima dipped even further and kissed his lips. It was not a hot wet kiss but it was not a simple peck on the lips either; he kissed him three times in total, starting at the right side of his lips, moving to the centre, then to the left. Then, as if he had done nothing out of ordinary, Midorima sat back in his seat, the only reminder of the kiss he just gave was the pink hue that adorned his cheeks now, and the way he so subtly licked his own lips, as if to preserve the taste of the aperitif he had just had.

"Are you crazy?!" Takao said, with a loud whisper, everyone was looking at them, chattering.

"No, I am not."

"We have to leave."

"Why?"

"Why?! What do you mean? You just kissed me."

"It was not very proper of me to do so in a public place, I admit it. Still, it is not as if it is very uncommon these days."

"S-still..."

"Our orders are coming..."

Takao was enraged for a second seeing that Midorima played it so smoothly, how could he? That inexperienced, naïve brat! How many kisses had he have in his whole life anyway?! He was feeling swayed around by Midorima and as much as some part of delighted, some other and prouder part of him was a little irritated. He tried to calm himself down; if Midorima was going to play it smooth, he could play it way smoother.

They made small talk as they started their meal, Takao was not sure whether it was to calm down the tension that had built up both amongst the two and with all the people in the restaurant that still stole glances at them, or was it yet another attempt of Midorima trying to follow the "perfect date" ideals of Hollywood. Regardless, it felt nice talking small and unimportant things with Midorima, he had missed it in the recent weeks. Why was it that he took so much pleasure talking with this stoic, grumpy man? He honestly did not know. He was also, probably, the only person on earth who could make Midorima talk this much, though to any outsider most of their conversations would seem as though Takao doing most of the talking, Midorima's contributions were spectacular compared to how little the greenhead usually spoke with anybody else.

For a moment, during their dessert, Midorima tried to bring up the topic of "them" again but Takao kindly asked him not to; there was a pleading tone to his voice and Midorima scowled slightly and turned silent again.

From then on, whenever Midorima felt the urge to bring up the subject, Takao's words repeated in his mind.

"Please, don't ask me this..."

He swallowed.

So their night that started rather bold ended in silence and calm, Midorima was entering their neighbourhood when Takao recalled,

"Oh yeah... Shin-chan, Ki-chan was actually asking me to take some of his belongings at your place for him. Let's drive to your place instead and I can take them there."

"Uh... You could come to take them later."

"Come on... I'll just walk back home."

Midorima groaned in dissatisfaction but said nothing; he was worried, honestly, he had hoped that he would be able to win over Takao tonight but it did not seem to be the case. It was silly though, for him to think that he could win over Takao; the man had been in countless relationships, he had much more experience with love and relationships, whereas Midorima was almost an innocent child in comparison. His own inability and lack of experience distressed Midorima and infuriated him too.

When they finally reached his house, Midorima offered to make some tea, per the usual manners for having a guest but Takao waved him not to,

"I am not going to stay that long... I'll just grab the clothes and go." he said and Midorima sighed in frustration. Not that he would like to admit it but he really would prefer to spend some more time with Takao and this dismissal of Takao towards him was not something he was used to facing; it felt awkward and irritating. He went into the guest room where Kise had stayed few weeks prior to grab the neat package he had prepared weeks ago in case Kise would drop by to get his stuff. Takao, meanwhile, wandered into the living room. The first thing he realised after sitting on the large sofa in the living room was the repaired beckoning cat figurine; the porcelain maneki-neko that Kise and Aomine had broken accidentally was now glued together. It must have required a lot of effort and diligence, as Takao realised even small shards being laid in and glued so carefully. Despite the efforts though, obviously, it looked bizarre and rather ugly.

Takao could never understand Midorima's obsession with things. If he liked something, he liked it to death; like red bean soup for example. Despite how neat his apartment looked, Takao knew of that several of the wardrobes inside the house contained all the strange array of items Midorima would hoard, in case they would be needed as a lucky item. Some of his lucky items that he had used multiple times, or ones that had helped improve his luck tremendously according to him; he kept those separately and paid so much attention to them... Now that Midorima admitted he had feelings for him, did he really like Takao like the things he liked? Was he or at least would he be obsessive over him as well? The childish possessiveness surely gave hints of this but it was nowhere near his obsession of things but then Takao was not sure if he would want to be target of such an attention. It seemed, as though, he both desperately wanted it and not wanted it. In any case, he absolutely had no idea what Midorima's language of love would be to people he likes, rather than objects, for he had never seen Midorima fall in love with anyone, nor had Midorima ever fallen in love with anyone anyway. It was a big mystery then, if Midorima was indeed in love with Takao, and just how it would manifest itself... He was lost in these thoughts that he had not realised he had started gently caressing the head of the little figurine.

"I am back. Here they are." Midorima said with a medium sized clothing bag in his hand,

"Ah... Thank you." Takao said, absent-mindedly, then snickered and continued without getting up,

"So you glued the figurine back together huh? Jeez Shin-chan... you are way obsessive with these things. You could have just thrown it to rubbish bin and buy a new one. They are cheap."

"I wouldn't say that I am necessarily obsessive over things... It was something that brought great luck to me in the past. Plus, it is not good manners to throw away gifts regardless of their material worth."

"Oh? It was a gift?" Takao said as he started getting up to take the bag from Midorima's hand,

"Yes, it was, from you. During my university exam."

Takao who now stood facing Midorima was quite surprised. Over the years he had given so many little trinkets to Midorima, especially when it came to lucky items, he honestly did not remember each and every one of them. He looked at the cat figurine once more and then the memories started coming back, he was about to open his mouth and talk about his grandmother when Midorima instead commented,

"Hah, you don't even remember, how unsurprising. You are always very forgetful. It belonged to your grandmother apparently. My lucky item of the day was a cat but I broke the item I had with me. You brought this, telling me it was the luckiest cat ever. Such an exaggerated lie. In any case, it did bring me a lot of luck. Your grandmother must really have been as lucky as she was saying. Now that I recall, that one time we later visited her, she was indeed a very content woman. Does she collects beckoning cats? Perhaps that's how she grew to be so lucky..." Midorima lectured, fixing his glasses in pure vanity as he did and Takao just stared at him.

Then he started giggling.

Then he started laughing.

Then he started crying.

The bag in Midorima's hand fell onto the sofa as he approached closer,

"Takao? Are you crying? Why are you? Are you laughing?"

Between sobs and laughter, Takao responded in partially pronounced syllables,

"Uh-huh... yeah..."

Midorima was not sure what to do at such a moment. He had never been at consoling people; hell, he sucked at it, and he was especially confused and bewildered right now as he did not see any reason for Takao to laugh or cry. In his panic, he did the first thing that came to his mind which was hugging Takao. It was an awkward hug, as he tried to drape one arm over his shoulder to his back, trying to pat his back, while he tried to wrap his other arm around the shorter man's waist but he could not achieve to fully and there was still about an inch between their bodies as he was not sure whether he was supposed to stick their bodies together or not, what was appropriate what was not... Then Takao's sobbing and laughter only increased, filling up the whole room loudly and Midorima felt even more helpless but then he felt the raven haired man wrap his own arms around Midorima's waist skilfully, like two well behaved snakes, and then pull their bodies close together. In the tight embrace Takao buried his face to Midorima's chest and continued sobbing, and laughing... Feeling more content and intimate now, Midorima started patting the back of his head, combing through the pitch black hair gently with his fingers. They stayed like that for a bit until Takao calmed down.

He took a deep breath then and raised his face and as their eyes connected, Midorima thought that yes, he really, really liked Takao's eyes after crying; perhaps it was a strange and cruel thing to like, but he could not help it, the wet blue gaze was alluring, almost ethereal... He was lost in that gaze when Takao finally spoke, his voice small and quiet, a little broken, slightly rusty,

"You know, whenever I make my mind and say that I am not 'doing this' anymore, that I have to be rational, you come and do something... How come even though you are so oblivious and you fail at subtlety so incredibly, you still manage to so unknowingly act so delicately lovely?"

"Huh?"

Midorima was not sure he understood Takao, and Takao understood this so he just smiled,

"It is fine, you don't have to understand. I like it that way. Just ask me again."

"Ask you again what?"

"The thing I asked you to not ask during the dinner..."

"Ah..." Midorima recalled, he felt a little timid now that he was being made to repeat the question after being pleaded not to utter it again, he still said it albeit in a quieter voice,

"Don't... Don't you want to be with me? I would like us to become lovers."

Takao looked at the eyes of the man in front of him and saw traces of anxiety, fear, and timidity; things he almost never saw in them, and it calmed his heart to see them, to know that he himself was the one who caused them, the strange peace knowing brought: knowing that the person you wanted was as anxious, as fearful, as timid about it.

"I want it. I want to become your lover. I want you to be my lover."

"But you said-" Midorima's words were lost to the silence of the room as one of Takao's hands crept up on his chest so fast and strongly pulled him down on his tie, and Takao leaned up and further so that their faces could meet, so that their lips could meet and they did, oh God they did... and Midorima was kissed by Takao for the first time in his life.

It was the best kiss he had ever experienced in his life and somewhere in the back of his dazed mind he noted that he had to study the arts of love if he was to become the lover of such a skilful Casanova.


	21. Chapter 21

_Here is more fluff because, come on, I have made them endure so much silly angst, they deserve some more fluff :) I am planning to write one more chapter, perhaps an epilogue as well, though I am not sure._

* * *

"Come on Kise... We are going to be late. You yourself said that the event starts at 8."

"Okay I think I am ready. How does this one look?"

"Perfect. Just like others did. Come on, it should not be that hard to choose an earring?"

"I just want it to be _actually_ perfect. Mm... Yeah, I think this one is it."

Aomine sighed as Kise gave one last look at himself on the large mirror of their bedroom,

"You are sure about this right?"

"Huh? Why do you ask?"

"There will be no turning back. I don't care about what others think... But you fuss over your fans and stuff. So... If you prefer to, as I said before, we can keep the marriage private."

"We don't have to. I want people to know too. I think it will help us both feel better about ourselves."

"Fine. As long as you are happy."

"I am."

Kise walked over to Aomine and hugged him once, then slipped one arm into his so that they were arm in arm,

"Let's go then! The night awaits us!" Kise cheered.

Honestly speaking, though he was certain in his decision, he was feeling very anxious and nervous. They were going to the gala event of a film he had played a role in. After Aomine's comment during the playoffs, confessing that he indeed had a lover, paparazzi had been keen on discovering who it was and they followed Aomine relentlessly. The couple endured it mostly and only went out together to places that they trusted the confidentiality of completely. It was Aomine who suggested, right away in the morning after his proposal, whether or not Kise would like to go public with their relationship. He said that he would prefer it but would not force Kise if he preferred not to. Kise agreed rather easily; he himself was surprised at the ease he accepted the offer. It was simple why he did though: he had been tired. He had been tired of living his relationship in the darkness, always running away from people... He did not believe in the least what he had with Aomine was anything shameful so the very act of keeping it hidden as if it was something shameful always irritated him and it had started bothering him even more as the years went on; these recent years, as he had realised how his life had started changing with him getting closer and closer to middle age, he had also realised how utterly stupid he had been, prioritising what people would say over what he felt was right. Was he going to live his life like this in the future? For how long, how many years to come? The idea of living a lie in front of the public had started bothering him a lot so he had not been reluctant in the least to Aomine's suggestion.

It was still terrifying though. After keeping it as a secret for years, here they were, getting out of their apartment arm in arm, each wearing a matching ring on their hands. It was obvious. When they arrived at the gala, people would surely ask, and he would answer, and what were they going to say? What was going to happen? Being sure of what you want to do and what you need to do did not decrease the fear and anxiety of doing it at all. With these thoughts he made it to the car, only then did their arms unwrap and immediately Kise felt himself just a tad bit colder, just a tad bit lonelier, despite the lovely summer weather, despite his lover being right near him, getting into the car. He said nothing.

But he did not have to say anything to be understood, as Aomine started the car with one hand, he reached to Kise's left hand with the other and gave it a slight squeeze,

"It will be all right" he said,

"It will be all right, I will be with you."

* * *

"Ah, take a look at this, Shin-chan! Don't they look great?"

Takao shoved his mobile phone to Midorima's face who gave it a glance halfheartedly; it was a picture of Kise and Aomine, they seemed to be at a formal event, both had dressed nicely in well matching colours and styles, they were holding hands and their rings were very visible. There seemed to be many comments under the picture, some cheering on them and wishing happiness, some bitter ones complaining that two very "yummy" men were off the shelves (and Midorima could not, for the love of God, understand just how and why Aomine or Kise could be "yummy" but he preferred not to ponder about it either), some men seemed to be complaining about how this insults the image of Aomine they had in their mind...

He did not say anything and decided to turn his gaze towards the TV, the commercials were still running. Takao had invited himself over to watch his favourite drama, claiming that Midorima's large TV provided a much better entertainment; Midorima was not sure if this was really the reason why Takao came over, but he did not mind at all, in reality he liked having his lover over but he often could not come up with proper excuses to invite him. So he silently appreciated how easily and frequently Takao invited himself over.

"Aw... Shin-chan, not even a comment? Come on... they are our friends. And they need our support!"

"I did not know they were planning to go public with their relationship..."

"Huh? What do you mean you did not? But I already told you about Kise's plans to come out like this, yesterday morning while I was over? You don't remember?" Takao asked as he focused on his phone to type a comment himself to the pictures of his friends that a social-media-buzz-tracking-slash-tabloid-like website had just posted. They were sitting on the sofa in the living room; to be specific, Midorima was sitting, Takao had lied over, putting his head and upper body on Midorima's lap.

"Ah... you did?" Midorima mumbled as his mind flew away to the morning day before; they had had dinner outside the night before and returned to Midorima's home afterwards, and Takao had stayed the night. Despite spending the whole night drenched in the pleasures of the flesh, right away in the morning Takao had commenced his attacks and Midorima had for the first time in his life had "such relations" so early in the morning, and in such an interesting combination of fleeting joy and cheeky tenderness too that he had truly lost himself... He did not really remember a thing Takao had said between the teasing whispers and brash remarks, though he could remember that Takao had talked a lot, so it was probable that he had mentioned something about Kise too. Midorima was sure that anything mentioned with Kise's name in it during that time would be the first thing he would forget and perhaps not even hear in the first place. His perception was quite selective and he actually appreciated that. Remembering that morning's events had brought the usually rare kind of timidity and its inevitable offspring: a soft blush on his cheeks. It was not such a rare occurrence these days though, thanks to Takao and his overt ways of showing love coupled with his seemingly limitless libido, not that Midorima complained about it...

Hearing no response from Midorima, Takao looked up and saw the man's face lost in thoughts, lovely thoughts, they must have been too, he believed, because he seemed to blush a little and seemed very happy and content. It took less than a second for Takao to realise "why" and he snuggled on Midorima's lap,

"Mmm... What? Hearing about yesterday morning reminded you something else?"

"N-No. I was not thinking of anything... special."

"Is that so? Do you really not remember me talking about Kise? And you call me forgetful. I mentioned it right before I started fondling-"

"Takao, be quiet. See, your drama started again, commercials finished. Just watch that. In silence."

Takao giggled and snuggled again which tugged at the heartstrings of Midorima but he was still awkward at these kind of moments, unsure what was the natural way of savouring them... As Takao silently continued watching his drama, Midorima closed his eyes for a second, sighed, and decided to do the first thing that comes up to his mind when he opened his eyes: this, he thought, would be the most "natural" response.

It turned out that the first thing that came to his mind after he opened his eyes was caressing Takao's hair. So he did that. Seeing Takao smile at the gentle touch made him smile a little too and he turned his gaze towards the TV too. If Takao was such a fan of the show, it would not hurt him to start to get acquainted with it as well.

All in all rather than a change, it seemed that becoming lovers brought them to how they were before. With one very notable exception: they had sex. Without any prior experience of what a "loving" relationship is, Midorima had soon left himself in Takao's guidance, though he would never admit that out, and now two weeks into this new phase of their life, they were both very content. There was just one little thing in the back of Midorima's mind that sometimes would pop up and disturb him but he preferred to ignore it.

That is, until the next day, when after a shift that ended late in the evening he decided to drop by Takao's apartment on his way home; that little thing he had been successful in ignoring till then was presented to him blatantly in the shape of a tall man with reddish brown hair who opened Takao's door instead of Takao himself. Midorima cursed his luck inside; he should have known something like this would happen, that day Cancer had only mediocre luck after all.

He did not bother saying anything but rush into the house with a loud conventional salutation of "Sorry for intrusion."

"Ah Shin-chan!" Takao excitedly replied from the kitchen counter; his hands were covered in some kind of white dust, it looked like flour or confectionery sugar but Midorima was not sure.

"You are coming from the hospital?" Takao queried as he moved towards Midorima, rubbing his hands on the apron to clean them off a bit.

"Uh yeah..."

"We were cooking with Yuki-chan! Well, not 'cooking' per se. I was learning how to make daifuku. They turned out pretty good! I am sure you'd love them. I am all sweaty and covered with sugary stuff though. Why don't you guys have a seat? I'll go quickly take a shower."

Takao gave a chaste kiss on Midorima's cheek then and moved to bathroom; Midorima stood there like that for a few seconds then he moved towards the tiny living room area and sat near the table, across Yukimura. They sat there for a bit saying nothing but sizing up each other. Yukimura sighed then,

"So you two are going out now."

"Yes."

"I really don't understand what he finds in you."

"Trust? I don't go around telling his secrets to others, for instance."

A look of guilt settled on Yukimura's face,

"Touché... You didn't tell him about that ever... Why not?"

"Because it would hurt him. If it was something he wanted to tell me, he would tell me. Well, he eventually did tell me too, much more than that, actually. But I respect his wishes and I also didn't want him to feel betrayed by a friend."

"So you... in a way protected my friendship with him?"

"Not because I like you. Takao seems to be fond of you as a friend though. I am not sure why."

Midorima gave an arrogant and inquisitive look at Yukimura after that but Yukimura just smiled,

"Well, regardless, thank you."

A pause later Midorima said, with a low threatening tone in his voice and the most intimidating look he could muster up in his eyes,

"If you ever kiss him again though or ask him to kiss you, I will... cut you up."

In all honesty, Midorima was a large man, he already had a rather stoic face and a cold gaze, he could be intimidating, he really could. The problem was that Yukimura had heard way too many stories of how Midorima sucked at fights, how Takao had fought multiple times – to "save Shin-chan's honour!" as Takao called them – and how Midorima simply and utterly lacked the tendency and skill of being violent. This was something Takao loved in him. In any case, as a result of this intimate knowledge, Yukimura could not take the threat seriously at all. On the contrary, past the initial surprise at Midorima knowing about the kiss, the whole statement seemed... so childish and dare he say "cute" that Yukimura started laughing. This though caused a huge flush on Midorima's face and an angry yell of,

"Why the hell are you laughing?!"

"I am sorry, I really am sorry."

"It is not something funny!"

"I know it is not. I am really sorry, I just couldn't help it. Midorima-san, Taka-chan already told me countless stories of how so inherently non-violent you are and how he took it on himself to 'defend your honour' many times in the past... I just couldn't help it."

Midorima's already pink face turned another shade darker and he mumbled,

"I... I may despise violence and not be particularly talented in it, but I do have friends who are quite talented in it and I am a doctor. I cut up people every day."

"That does sound scary." Yukimura quipped, half serious half joking as he tried his best to stifle his laughter, then he continued,

"You don't have to threaten me you know. I wouldn't ask of something like that from him now that he is with you; it would be very improper and cruel. In any case, if I did ask, instead of giving me a kiss of mercy he would probably punch me in the eye and tell me to never talk to him again. He is... that kind of a guy you know."

"I know."

They stayed silent for a second then Midorima muttered, with a quiet and calmer tone now,

"Still, do not ever ask him anything like that."

"I will not. I promise, I promise."

When Takao came back, scent of an ocean breeze emanating from him thanks to the shower gel he always used, he started making some tea to serve with the sweets. Yukimura was caught up in the serene sight of the man but realised his position and setting soon enough, when he turned back to Midorima, ready to be reprimanded, he instead realised that the green haired man was completely unaware and indifferent to Yukimura's existence now; he was watching intensely Takao, every small gesture as the prepared tea and hummed a foreign pop song. There was a peaceful appreciation on Midorima's face but the intent gaze of his eyes signalled a deep bond that made Yukimura feel almost inadequate in terms of love and emotions and this was a really awkward moment for him, for Midorima, if anything, seemed like an "ice queen". He remembered Takao to use this exact phrasing at least once, but surely Midorima's eyes when they landed on so passionately on Takao's figure were anything but "ice queen"-like.

Yukimura sighed and got up,

"Well, it is getting late. I better should get going."

"Huh? You are leaving? But you didn't even taste our marvellous creations yet?" Takao slightly pouted,

"I am sure they are very tasteful Taka-chan, I should be careful with my diet you know, not everyone is so naturally thin and fit like you."

"Ah, you know nothing; Shin-chan wipes the floor up with me every week when we play basketball. It is a gruelling exercise and as to be at least physically ready for it I have to work out twice a week in advance."

"Wow. That is quite an effort. Hmm Midorima-san has a better stamina than you?"

Midorima looked at Yukimura in an aloof manner,

"I run every day. I also regularly work out 2 hours every other day of the week."

Yukimura couldn't help but size up Midorima once more with his eyes, well, he did look very athletic. As he got ready to leave, putting on his shoes, Takao added,

"He even does it during vacation. Can you believe that? Crazy. His dutifulness knows no bounds."

Almost like a guard dog, Midorima also got up and sneaked up on them behind Takao, perhaps he was trying to ensure that no other last-moment parting-kiss would take place, Yukimura thought. Midorima did not trust him, obviously, not that he would blame Midorima for that.

"Well, good night to both of you."

After Takao closed the door behind Yukimura he turned to the tall man who was looming behind him with a chiding tone and critical stare,

"You are treating him unfairly."

"I am not."

"You are. Even the way you look at him is nasty. He is a nice person."

"He likes you."

"Good point. I am not asking you to like him, but you don't have bully him."

"I don't bully people."

"Oh yeah sure" Takao said, sarcasm dripping from his words as he placed two cups of tea and two pieces of daifuku on the table.

"It is normal that if I am bitter to him. He is an opportunist."

"Everyone is a little opportunistic. I have always been an opportunist with my feelings for you."

Midorima sighed as he took a bite of the sweet, it tasted quite good,

"I will not discriminate him. But don't expect me to like him."

"Yeah that's better..." Takao said as he took a bite from the other piece of sweet "Mmm... it tastes good. I mean who helps a friend they had a crush on to make sweets for his own boyfriend? He is angelic if anything and I might be more of an opportunist."

"He still... kissed you." Midorima almost whispered, but Takao had heard it,

"Oh My God... is that why you are so riled up against him?"

"There are... other reasons as well. But yes, it is one. Why shouldn't it be?"

"Come on... If you are going to be jealous of each guy I ever kissed, wow, we have a long list to go through." Takao chuckled but his chuckles were stopped by the tragic look on Midorima's face, he almost choked on his bite,

"Hey! Don't make that kind of a face. You know... I liked fooling around."

"I am not making any kind of... a face."

"Oh My God! You are! Shin-chan, wow I never thought you were the jealous type."

"I am not jealous! It just feels... strange. I always knew you went out with many people. It is a little awkward knowing that all the while you had feelings for me."

"Yeah, such a sob story on my part huh?"

"No, such a terrible tale of obliviousness on mine."

"Hmm... so you are blaming yourself? That's why you were sad? Such honesty too, I am surprised and delighted Shin-chan." Takao said, a particular playfulness had settled both on his face and voice; Midorima had known of this side of Takao for a long time, it was a charming cheekiness, he had only recently learnt though that this actually signified Takao becoming sexually interested, so this extra knowledge in addition to the content of his remark caused a slight blush on Midorima's face which as expected only further flamed Takao's interest and playful ways.

"It does not taste bad."

"Oh, trying to change the topic because you are shy? First jealous, than self-critical, and now timid? Shin-chan is being awfully adorable tonight."

"I am not being adorable! And for God's sake, anybody would feel... that way. I mean don't you feel or didn't you feel the least bit jealous with my past partners?"

"Partners? As in plural? Come on Shin-chan, you had only Azumi and sure, I have been jealous of her... but yeah, somehow I always felt I came first so I guess my jealousy was never very fiery towards her."

"Why do you think that I only had her as a partner?" Midorima asked a little puzzled and this caused Takao to almost choke on his tea,

"Wait... what do you mean?! You had other girlfriends and didn't let me know?"

"Well, not 'girlfriends' per se. I did not properly date them. But I have been with other women."

"You had one night stands?! You are joking."

"Why would I joke?"

"You weren't a virgin?"

"Not... too long, I guess."

"But why?"

"What do you mean why? Even I have bodily needs, though I was not particularly fond of them at the time."

"So all those times so many people mocked you for being a virgin... You actually were not."

"Well, early on, they were right, I was a virgin but some of the latter ones, yeah."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I don't think virginity is a significant matter as society makes it. It is a cultural obsession, a natural rite of passage turned into an impediment, if anything. So I was... indifferent to it, I guess? I did not care what they thought."

Takao was crushed under this new piece of information and sadly sipped from his tea, disappointment apparent on his face, his lips slightly pouting, and Midorima was thoroughly shocked at this reaction.

"Are you seriously moping because I, a 27 years old doctor, am not a virgin?"

"Well, I did thought that you would have slept with Azumi. But only her I guess..."

"You slept with god knows how many people and you are seriously disappointed over this?"

"I am I, and you are you; you are not like me. Aaaah, my pure Shin-chan was not so pure at all."

Midorima felt irritation and a slight anger creep up onto his own face,

"You are joking right? What is this thing with 'purity'? Why would abstinence signify any kind of 'purity'? It is bullshit."

"Wow. Okay, no need to get angry. I was just being a little melodramatic and teasing." Takao said, now smiling, he slowly leaned forward and moved away a few unruly strands of hair from Midorima's face, who felt calmer with the familiar gesture,

"This was really unexpected..."

"Tell me about it... I mean we have been so close and you didn't even tell me when you lost your virginity. And how did you lose it anyway? I want to know. With all the details. And all those women you slept with; who were they? How do you even pick up women? You minimise your human interactions. I simply cannot even imagine you picking up strangers. I mean, do you use pick up lines? Jeez, this is all so weird."

"Are you insane? Do you really think that I am the type of person who would come and cheerfully announce that I lost my virginity?! Do I look like Aomine Daiki to you?"

"Nah you don't. Not even a bit. I guess you are right... But you could at least hint at me! Argh... Do you know how much I fantasised about taking away your virginity? I was living a lie!" Takao made a dramatical gesture with his hand of mock despair and Midorima looked at him in bewilderment,

"You were fantasising. That is literally what living a lie is."

"Yeah... I guess. So, details?"

"No."

"Come on... Why not?"

"I will not talk about the details of my previous... intimate relations with my boyfriend. It is improper and rude."

"Even if it is that boyfriend who is curious?"

"Yes. Even then. Plus... I wouldn't want to know of yours... Why do you insist?!"

Takao sighed and smiled,

"Fine fine, I was half joking anyway."

They sat there in silence awkwardly a little then Midorima, now with a fully red face mumbled something, very quietly, almost swallowing half the syllables, regardless, Takao heard it but he still asked,

"What did you say?"

"You heard me!"

"No I did not."

"Takao!"

"I really did not hear it, what did you say?"

Midorima sighed and replied with a low and cold voice, glaring daggers at his boyfriend,

"I said that you were the first man I have been with so in a way you are my first. And you don't have to worry because you are the best bed partner I ever had. There. Are you happy now?! Idiot."

Takao stared at him with a huge smirk but Midorima simply sipped from his drink with an angry glare fixated on the man sitting across the table. The moment Midorima placed his cup back on table, Takao almost leapt forward onto his lap, pushing him down on the tatami floor of the tiny, tiny living room...


	22. Chapter 22

(_**A/N**__: And here is the last chapter. Thank you very much to all who tagged along and bear with me throughout this. I am sincerely hoping that you've liked it. I have a special fondness towards tsunderes, for I was quite tsundere during my younger years, and I identify with them a lot so Midorima is always a fascinating character for me and I really like his dynamic with Takao. I hope I was able to convey my appreciation of both these characters and the lovely bond they seem to have._)

* * *

"So where are you going for the honeymoon?" Momoi asked cheerfully as she sipped from her drink.

"Paris!" Kise exclaimed but Aomine was rather indifferent,

"A classic!" Momoi nodded happily as she patted Kise's shoulder,

"Couldn't we go to somewhere more fun? Hawaii or Bali would have been better..."

"Yeah and you would just laze all day at the poolside or on the beach."

"And what is exactly wrong with that? You know how busy I am normally, you are busy too. We could relax."

"Jeez Aominecchi, you are like an old man..."

"Oh and going to Paris and sightseeing is actually 'youthful'?"

Kise pouted slightly and turned her attention to Momoi,

"You see 'this'? Perhaps I made the wrong decision."

"I've been telling ya Ki-chan, you should not have accepted a half-assed proposal like that in the first place."

"Oi! You two are insufferable, really..."

"Are you guys going to vacation anywhere this year?" Momoi turned to ask Takao who was eyeing the dance floor,

"Hmm... Not really. My lease is finishing up next month and I kind of want to move before the schools reopen. I think I want a bigger place and you know it will be costly and busy. So a summer vacation is out of the question."

Kise and Momoi nodded absent-mindedly but then Midorima commented, with an indifferent voice too,

"You could always move in with me."

Takao spurted almost a mouthful of his drink, Momoi almost dropped her glass, and Kise stood with his mouth wide open in shock. Midorima was confused at their reactions and then glanced at Aomine, who seemed to be trying hard to keep himself from laughing. He was not very successful at that apparently and started laughing loudly the next second.

"God... Oh God... I am so done with you. I am so done with you all!" Momoi almost yelled as she got back to her senses, Kise gave a dirty look at Aomine, "Aominecchi..." he only muttered but it really was a code word for the blunette to stop laughing.

"Shin-chan... ah..."

"What? It is always an option. It would cost less."

"Oh My God! I am going to rip you into pieces Midorin! Do you have to be so callous about this?"

"Callous? I am kindly offering him a better option. It will be economically much more advantageous for him."

"Okay okay, calm down Momocchi... Midorimacchi, I think you are missing out... on something. These kind of questions should not be asked like this. And your motivation is not... well, not sensitive enough let's say."

Midorima looked at Kise, very puzzled and Momoi sighed,

"Come on! And obviously he will not get it when it is coming from you Ki-chan: you got proposed in a bar too. While everyone was more or less tipsy."

"Well, I wasn't the one who proposed right... It was not my decision."

"What am I going to do with all of you?! I mean I really wanted to throw a great wedding and I could have planned the best proposal in the world but not, Dai-chan had to screw it. And now Midorin is... I mean I could have helped him pop the question, I could have redesigned the interior... But no. No, you guys just blurt these out casually as if you are asking out for a couple of drinks. I really can't do this anymore... I am done with you losers."

"Oi! Why are you two bringing me into this? My proposal aside, when I first asked Kise to move in with me, even I was smoother."

"Yeah, now that I think about it, even your '_Hey, Kise, we have to move in together, or else with room mates and all, we cannot have sex any time and any place we want. It is such a pain in the ass_' sounds much lovelier now..."

"Well, at least I did not make it a matter of money."

"You did say that it would cost us less..."

"Yeah but that was like my third reason or something, right? My first was the ease of access to sex, which is because I love you so it counts as something romantic."

"Hmm it actually makes sense..."

Momoi gulped down her drink in a fury, sighing deeply afterwards she spoke with a scolding tone,

"You are no better Dai-chan! Ki-chan, stop helping him feel proud. He does not deserve it. And Midorin, even you should know that asking somebody to move in with you is not just a matter of economic convenience, it is an important and emotional decision. You should talk about it at length and then decide, not just blurt it out as you casually sip from your wine in a bar."

"I really do not think the ambience of the location actually changes anything?" Midorima raised an eyebrow to Momoi and it was rather hard for her to control herself from not hitting her friend. Truthfully, she wished Akashi was around; he was better at controlling and explaining things to these dorks than she ever was. She simply sighed and turned to Takao who was gazing at the liquid in his glass, lost in thoughts,

"I am sorry Taka-chan, don't think I will be of any help here... You'll have to drill it into him yourself. He is really thick."

Takao giggled at that slightly and Midorima furrowed his eyebrows in irritation. It was Kise then who changed the topic quickly, as he could clearly read Takao's discomfort; and really, starting a conversation about "perhaps you should start thinking of planning your own wedding Momocchi, come on, there must be some candidates!" was a very good idea. Momoi liked complaining about the fruitlessness of her private life and how most men were boring and uninteresting and oh so unlike Kuroko.

Takao gave a sigh of relief and nobody realised it, except Midorima.

So on the way home, in the silence of the car barring the absent-minded humming that escaped Takao's lips, it was Midorima who brought the subject up again:

"I do not understand why it is inappropriate for us to talk about you moving in with me."

Takao gave a sigh, not of relief but of bother now.

"Well... it is not necessarily inappropriate that we discuss it, it is just rather inappropriate that we discuss it there and with the rationale... you gave."

"Does the ambience really matter?"

"You do take me to expensive restaurants whenever you want to announce something important right?"

"Well... fine. I guess I understand. Societal conventions and what not. But I still do not understand the rest."

"It is... because... look, Shin-chan, you never really had that much experience with dating but moving in is actually an important decision, it is not that much different than proposing in a way."

"So?"

"What do you mean 'so'? Come on... Do you really want me to move in because it will be advantageous for my bank account?!"

"Obviously not!"

Midorima's voice was strained but Takao snorted,

"Yeah, perhaps you also care about easy access to sex as well huh? Like Aomine? Not that you could ever utter something shameless so openly but I know you are very much into the pleasures of the flesh these days..."

Midorima's face went completely red and he knew very well why Takao had taken this twist in the subject: normally, faced with this kind of an attitude, Midorima would chastise Takao for being so shameless and confine himself to an embarrassed silence. Not that night though, oh no, Midorima would not relent.

"You are so shameless but yes. Yes. Perhaps that is also a reason. There are many reasons. I never said it being economically beneficial for you was the only reason. I obviously would like to live with you because I have feelings for you. That should be apparent! We have been going out for some time now but other than sex nothing much has changed about our relationship, maybe because as you say we were closer than friends before anyway but I want to do something... I want to do something to show you that I care about you. I would buy you a ring and propose to you but you would find it old-fashioned or say that I am rushing. But I want to do something. I want to show you that we are not just friends anymore or some unidentifiable thing that goes beyond friendship; no, we are lovers, we are clearly lovers who are also best friends."

Midorima huffed and puffed then and Takao pushed on the breaks, causing the car to come to a sudden halt near the street. His eyes turned in astonishment to Midorima whose face was throbbing red and he was glaring intently to the front, not sparing any glance to Takao, and despite the sudden stop that caused both of them to jump a little to the front he was acting as though he was an inorganic piece of baggage in the car.

"What did you... what did you say?"

"You- you heard me. You do not need me to repeat it."

"So you do understand... what it would mean... for me to move in?"

"Of course!" Midorima turned then and he was angry, he was slightly stuttering as he continued,

"Why do you guys have to take me as a child? Because I didn't date as much as you all did? Because I could not realise the full extent of your feelings? I am a little oblivious maybe. I am inexperienced maybe. But I am still an adult. I am much more mature than most of you. I... I want to take responsibility too. If Aomine can bloody propose, I should be able to do at least this much."

Takao started giggling then, he could not help himself looking at the almost pitifully painful face of the man in front of him, red as a tomato too, even his ears... The giggling caused Midorima to feel painfully conscious of himself and shy and he did not know how to deal with these emotions; were his feelings being mocked? Could it be that? He felt insecure for a moment. As fury took over his eyes, he started undoing the seat belt,

"Bloody hell... I... I hate you!" he said, and as he said it he could not help but think just how childish he was acting... His fingers were shaking and he felt even stupider but then Takao held onto his hands, gripped them strongly and leaned forward,

"I love you too."

"I did not say I loved you!"

"Oh but you did Shin-chan, isn't tsundere anger how you convey your love?"

"Don't call me tsundere!"

"... is exactly what every tsundere says. You are so cute that I could gobble you up right now."

"Are you out of your mind?! What part of me is cute?"

"Every part of you, is cute."

Takao said, with an especially smooth tone to his voice, his eyes glinting with tenderness, and he slowly buried his face to Midorima's neck, it smelled like apples, courtesy of the recently added apple scented shower gel added to his bathroom's large collection of various toiletry.

Feeling the warmth of the arms circling around him and not paying attention to the inquiring gazes of the passers-by, Midorima also loosely draped his arms around his lover, his initial irritation dissipating further and further each passing minute as the pleasant breath of Takao pulsed on his bare neck.

A moment of silence engulfed them then. No words were spoken but a lot was communicated and perhaps to affirm the content of the silent exchange, Takao asked with a small voice later without moving away even an inch, his lips grazing Midorima's neck as he spoke,

"Do... do you really mean that? Things you said? You really mean them?"

Midorima was so used to Takao's confident ways that these rare moments of fragility always touched him in a special way; he thought, he believed – and he was right to believe – that he was the only one Takao could ever be fragile to.

"Yes... yes." he said, a clear confirmation in his voice and though he could not see Takao's face, as it was way buried over his neck now, he could feel the raven haired man smile.

"Well... I guess I won't have to look for an apartment then..." Takao mumbled.

And after a pause of silence, Midorima chuckled sincerely in a small voice, it was almost like a hum.


End file.
